With today being Memorial Day, obviously I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of my mother and her short battle with cancer. I miss her so much, not a day goes by that I don't think about her, I keep pictures of her everywhere as most of you already know. LOL As much as I want her here with me, especially now, I'm glad she's not. I don't think she would be able to cope watching me fight this battle. I pray she's in a beautiful place in heaven where there is no pain (emotionally or physically).
Tim and I enjoyed a fun day making it rain at the casino with my parents. MamaLou is a lean mean slot machine queen. LOL I can hardly wait to take the boys up there over 4th of July. You have not lived until you've seen Tim, Ryan and Tanner sitting at the same blackjack table LOL Of course, seeing those three together doing anything is blessing for me. Like me, my Dad doesn't gamble. However, I will gamble if it's someone else's money. LOL
Tonight we're having my parents over for a BBQ dinner and just laying low so I can continue to rest. I'm excited to go back to work tomorrow and get back into my routine so I can enjoy a distraction from cancer. Last night out of no where I just lost it, I just got scared and started crying harder than I have since I've received the news. I sat in Tim's arms and he just let me cry, harder and harder until I couldn't even speak. I think sometimes I get spooked by the odds and how they are not stacked in my favor. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed and feel better this morning..............plan to run to Fred Meyer and get some flowers today. Val mentioned me having flowers in the hard so when I'm resting outside I can have a colorful surrounding, and she's right. I LOVE flowers, all different colors!! The more the brighter and the better! I think I'm going to actually take one of my terra cotta pots and just plant nothing but purple in it and that will be my "I'm kicking cancer" planter. Then I'm going to do another one for Mom in her memory~ was going to look up and see what color uterus cancer is and then plant hers in that color and one for my grandmother Polka (stomach cancer). I love you all so much and hope to see you soon. LIVE WITH PASSION~ DJ
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