It felt soooooooooooo good to wake up this morning and know I get to go to work!! The sun may not be shining on the outside but it sure is on the inside. I miss the agents here and it was so sweet to be greeted with hugs and smiles. My office ROCKS!! I was praying for no traffic so I could get here early and jump on my laptop and start pulling up all the new listings and broker's opens for the day and get them out to the agents. Funny, how something so a part of my daily routine now feels like a treat, a real real privilege.
There is no doubt having cancer changes you. How you feel, how you think and eventually how you look (oh yea! Bald is beautiful, right?~Hoping if I keep telling myself that enough I will start to believe it LOL) However, it doesn't have to change my hopes and dreams. Like a dear friend from high school said on facebook to me, "You have cancer, cancer does not have you". Ain't THAT the truth!
I am not so far out there in "Mambi Pambi Land" (as Tim puts it) that I don't know I'll have some bad days but I imagine this is like losing one of your senses, such as eyesight, then all the other senses go into magnified high gear. I feel like my soul has stretched itself to a level I only dreamed but never felt. Maybe it has something to do with opening my mind and heart to allow others to help me, I don't know. I just know I have never felt so much gratitude for the even the smallest of tiny things like walking into the garage and seeing my car backed in so I could easily pull out of it (Tim obviously did this in the middle of night while I was sleeping) LOVE THIS MAN!! I almost cried, I mean I actually had to hold back my tears of gratitude. Even my breakfast lean pocket tasted like heaven to me (perhaps in anticipation of chemo killing not only the cells in my body but my taste buds too)?...........I am a better person with cancer, than I was before. I can already honestly say that, and it's only been 26 days, but who's counting? LOL
I was so anxious about this morning and having to call Group Health and chase down the authorization for my referral, I put that phone call off as long as I could. The gal answered the phone and she saw the request for it in the system and put me on hold to see if she could get it authorized for me while I sat on hold.........and low and behold, SHE DID IT! Is there such a thing as a phone hug? If there is I gave her a big one!! LOL Then I called Dr. Picozzi's office to schedule my chemo. Unfortunately, Group Health is moving faster than he is, nothing in my file indicating that he even met with me last week, just the nurse, so waiting for the scheduler to talk with him and call me back so I can set up my appointment which by the way she talked will most likely NOT be this Thursday. UGH :( It's never fun when you find out the world does not evolve around you, I don't care who you are. LOL So as of right now, I'm waiting for the call back so we can get this dog and pony started! LIVE WITH PASSION ~DJ
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