"This is a lot harder than I thought it would be". LOL I'm sorry for the long silence between posts but chemo chased me into a cave where I have been hiding from my family and friends in an effort to try and cope. I really didn't expect this last segment of treatments to be THIS hard. When just brushing your teeth becomes the equivalent of a 10K, the last thing you want it to admit to anyone, including yourself, is that you've been beat.
There is only ONE way to beat cancer. That's with your attitude! It's the ONLY thing you control on this journey. What I didn't realize is you have to do the same for chemo. The chemo is killing you slowly, one treatment at a time from the inside out. It takes your hair, eyelashes, nails, skin, mouth, nose, eyes, and kills them at the same time that it's killing the cancer. Chemo does not know the difference between evil cells and good cells so you can kiss whatever ounce of dignity and pride you think you may have goodbye. Therefore, making the cave look like a comfortable hide out for now. LOL I honestly don't know what is harder; coping with chemo on my hands and knees or trying to stand up long enough for your average tooth brushing. Quite frankly, I never knew what fatigue was until I got knee deep into chemotherapy. I'm astounded at how much havoc two plastic bags hanging on a stand can wreak on the human body.
I'm so blessed by an out pouring of love and support reminding me of just how close I am to the finish line. While I'm no Lance Armstrong, as this has not been a race for me. It's been an intense chapter of life lessons that I'm convinced will have a happy ending and will roll smoothly into a new chapter focused on life AFTER cancer.
I've made some mistakes in coping with my chemotherapy such as NOT being focused enough on a positive journey. I expected to become ill because of everything I read and what people told me. Well, there's no surprise then that I got exactly what I expected. I'm not going to make that same mistake with surgery.
I am going into surgery with the attitude that despite the odds......THEY WILL NOT FIND ANY RESIDUAL CANCER and that the surgery will go as planned. I don't expect to have to undergo ANY post treatments of radiation or chemo since my body will be cancer free once the tumor is removed. Everything about my cancer and progress has been rare........I expect the same from my surgery. The odds may be against me but I have already proven that a positive mental attitude truly focused and BELIEVING can get you what you expect, despite any odds! Try applying this theory to any challenge you may have in your life and see how miraculously you can change your life for the better!
I'm learning so much on this journey and I hope you are learning with me. The rewards and life lessons on this journey are going to be far greater than the agony of the journey itself and hardship.
There is a new Dawn ahead that most importantly is more grateful than she every dreamed possible!...... Did I just type in the 3rd person? LOL I promise it was only to make a point. LOL
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
