Thursday, June 30, 2011

Back to this hair thang...

...it has come to may attention that this is just going to be easier to deal with if go ahead and shave my head.  It's thinning so much it hurts so I see a GI Jane in my very near future!  I've decided to make fun of my new look at the upcoming Wine and BLING night at Val's house net Friday night.......Terri is bringing her shaver and we'll do it there!  OH Yea, now you want to come an see my sexy Gi Diva Dawn self huh?
I really have a much better understanding now of how men must feel when they lose their hair and the whole receding hairline thing.  Poor guys!  Although, I know a LOT of women that just love bald men so go figure.  It's like each hair is just a piece of your self esteem.  I get it now!!  Now I'm super glad I'm a chick, just unfortunate a chick with cancer right now........but only temporarily!
Exited to have new longer, stronger hair grow back, like bionic hair!!!!!!

Today went well at Virginia Mason.  Finally my last treatment in a vein!  They have me scheduled for surgery on Tuesday at 7pm to get a port installed. I should be out of there by noon!  But, I actually have next week off from chemo so going to savor EVERY day of it!!!!!

I'm really tired and exhausted so making this a short post today.  Headed to bed to try and catch up on my missed rest last night.  I was up all night from the steroids and didn't take a sleeping pill till 4am (my bad). LOL  And the chemo takes so much out of me anyway with all the drugs they put you on so I'm a zombie right now .

Much love to you all! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Crazy Happy Day!!!

Any day that starts out topless just can't help but be a GREAT day! LOL   I was pleasantly surprised when Tim stopped by my office to check out the purple wall.  AND buy me lunch over at QVC ~ I took a leap of faith and ventured into a spinach vege wrap that was off the hook!  WOW, never knew veges could taste so yummy!  I'm saving the other half for tomorrow's lunch!
I honestly don't know how anyone could get cancer and just give up.  The friends and the support, the messages, text messages, etc are soooooooooooooooooo inspiring and remind me of just how lucky I am to be here today!  I love you all so much, and can hardly wait to see all you 30 year high school reunion peeps!  So many of you have reached out to me and it just brings tears to my eyes and touches my heart in a way I can't possibly put into words.  You are amazing!  and I hope your life is filled with one blessing after another!  I can't wait to hug you and tell you in person, I love you!!
I got a really good message out of the Bacholorette last night..............remember the guy (I can't remember names) that wanted to find the one someone in his life to live in a bubble with.  To know you two love each other more than any other two people in the world....................??????????  As unrealistic as it sounded at the time, I get what he's saying and wants.  Why settle for anything less?  We ALL can have that degree of love and trust in a relationship, we just get distracted by other things that create barriers for us.  I know we can have it all!  The first step is just believing that you can.  I have noticed the more I open up to Tim, the more vulnerable I become, the better my relationship becomes.  His patience this past two years in breaking down my walls and all the baggage that comes along with broken hearts has never ceased to amaze me.  I feel like I have that bubble with him.  Not to the point that I'm co-dependant on him but I LOVE and treasure being with him, and I love and adore missing him when we are apart.  It's a healthy combo! 
THANK YOU JANET for the beautiful gift basket today at work...........You are soooooooooo lovely!  We need to set up a date when I'm in Federal Way, I just miss you soooooooooooooooooo much! 
My best friend, probably along with some others is not handling this journey as well as I want them too.  I know I could not deal with one of my closest friends having cancer.  It's easier for me to have the cancer and fight this with all that I am, so I'm glad my friends are not having to take this path.  I am learning as I go on how to help them cope so they can see the light that I see.  I feel it's easier to be in the battlefield than watching the fight.  I think the only answer is time, spending quality time together cherishing what we have spent years building.  Some of my friends are so close, on the same scale as family.  I know my heart does not know the difference.
If I were you, I would call and make plans to see a friend that you love............pick the one that you have not seen in the longest, regardless of how long it's been, it's been too long.................call right now please!
LIVE WITH PASSION~ DJ

Monday, June 27, 2011

Standing back up again...

.....Ok, so I survived the hair loss yesterday and am forever grateful for Terri coming to my rescue to cut my hair and drop off a bunch of scarfs, wigs, headbands, etc for me to play with.  We will be back on the pavement on Tuesday with a mission to find a great wig I can be comfortable wearing and not look like, well you know...............a porn star. LOL
I realize this is just part of the journey we're all on together.  I know nobody will love me any less without hair than they do with hair.  It's just a vanity thing.  We are all attached to our appearance and associate our own identity with it, whether it be your hair, eyes, height, weight, the list goes on.............So when it's altered by no choice of your own, you feel, well.................violated.  A part of me is certainly angry that I have to deal with a more high maintenance schedule now in the mornings to get ready and go, but it's not the end of the world.  The chemo is working, and the hair loss just proves it.  I just have to remind myself to keep my eye on the prize!
Speaking of prizes..................I want to be engaged!  Our relationship is certainly at that natural evolution but how do you fit it into all this mess?  Cancer and medical bills...............LOL  UGH!  We need to win the damn lottery!  I overheard Tim refer to me as his fiancee on the phone the other night it just lit me up from the inside out...................it's time.  I just need to get all this other mess out of the way.  On day at a time I guess, anybody have any patience I can borrow? LOL
Time to have some fun with this whole hair and wig thing so as soon as I get my new phone I will figure out how to post pics from my phone to my blog and facebook.......................more good times ahead!
I am ELATED with Ryan and Tanner arriving on Friday to celebrate 4th of July all weekend long with the family.  We have a casino day picked out so will make it rain!
FYI, my surgery is scheduled for July 5th to install my port.................one more painful chemo to go and the port will take over.................YEA!!!!!!!!!!
Oh boy, now lets see what kind of drama unravels on the Baccalaureate tonight. LOL
Much love to you all and thank you for your support during the hair collapse!
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Today's THE day............

Well, it's a Sunday morning wrap.  After my shower this morning I was left with about half my hair.  You should see my bathroom,  hair EVERYWHERE and I don't have the strength to clean it up.  I broke down today over this whole hair loss thing.  I thought I was doing good ordering some scarfs, wig shopping but obviously I was not doing it quickly enough.  I'm out of time and hair.  TODAY I have to get my hair cut, or shaved.  Not even sure what my options are at this point.  I have faith that Terri or Mandy will come to my rescue today and the day will end on a positive note.
I'm at the office, covering the phones till 1pm then MOD the rest of the afternoon.  I'm so emotionally raped I definitely don't have my MoJo going on, but I'm here!  That's a big step!
This not having a phone to call someone when you need them is not so fun either.  Sprint has shipped my phone so guessing I'll have it tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest.  Then have to find time to learn how to use the darn thing.  UGH!  Just when you get comfortable with technology, they go and change it all on ya!
It's a gorgeous day today...............beautiful sunshine!  Great day for cruising topless!  Tim and Sylena even washed my car for me yesterday so she looks pretty!  Feels good but still doesn't quite make up for going bald. LOL
It's going to be a long day.................a really really long day. LOL  I will feel better once I know I have a date for a hair cut later today.  LOL  I don't think I can take any more hair in my brush or hand again.  I knew this was coming, but thought I had a couple more weeks to get my things in order..................darn it.
I am grateful I'm alive!  I did smile on the way into work and remembered, it's just hair, and that's a sign that the chemo is killing off everything, including the cancer! so this path I must travel. 
Go out there today and ENJOY this glorious day!!!!!!!!!!  I promise I will be in better spirits after my haircut! xoxoxox
LIVE WITH PASSION~DJ

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Quick Update...

I am out of my usually communication loop since my phone went down on me yesterday morning.  However, I am doing well.  We struggled a bit on Thursday with chemo trying to find a vein but all in all, everything went as well as it could.  I have horrible scars and bruising right now.
Unfortunately, Dr. can not get me scheduled for surgery to install my port before my next chemo so I have one more arm duty to do on the left side..............UGH!  That's the one I got burned and scarred for life on LOL  Am going to try and get my surgery approved and whip that out on July 1st.  That's the earliest availability.  Oh, good times ahead. LOL
I am in the office all this weekend holding the fort down as manager on duty.  So far so good.  Sylena came in with me to work on my big mailing that has to get out PRONTO.  Nice having a helper! LOL
With my phone out of commission for a few more days, best way to reach me is my hotmail account or facebook.  Even when my new phone arrives, I still have to learn how to use it, the EVO 4G slider.  UGH, dreading this whole touch screen technology.
Now my big decision is do I have Sharon Fox tattoo my eyebrows on for me and risk infection or not???????  I already broke the manicure rule and may pay the price as the guy cut me twice on both my pinky's so I have to try and heal them before infection sets in.  UGH.  The Dr. said if I do the tattoo, I have a one day opportunity to do so, July 13th is the day my blood count will be the highest, so it's then or never LOL  Decisions decisions............Dr. Fox??  What would you do??
My hair is really thinning quickly and the wig hunt was a bit frustrating yesterday.  They all look like wigs.  LOL  Was hoping to find something that just looks normal.  I have a feeling I am going to be doing more of the scarf wrap thing.  Time will tell but I need to be ready here soon.
I'm so excited for the fundraisers, and I can not thank you all enough for your support.  The bills are pouring in weekly and every little bit helps, it really does!  There are things that are outside of my insurance coverage so having your support is helping me travel this path with less stress.  I love you so much for your prayers and support!!
With my cancer marker number down so low, I know God is listening to our prayers!!  That is a good sign of good things to come.  I'm VERY optimistic we'll get this tumor out of me in the Fall! and get this journey wrapped up for winter!  I can't wait to be cancer free!!
LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Round III It's a wrap!

Well, this morning started out a little rough in the chemo department.  Nurse had a hard time finding a vein she could draw blood from.  She also convinced me too that since the last treatment hit a weak vein that caused the taxodene to leak and burn me (permanent scar now) that I NEED the port installed.  Needless to say the request is being processed for that surgery right away, hopefully before next week's cocktail.  Another advantage of the port is the taxodene won't burn going in.  I'm ready for the port!!!  At least I can say I tried the old fashioned way. 
I met with my vanity coach today too, and she taught me how to tie scarfs and wear and care for wigs.  I need to avoid heat so guess sitting on Salty's deck in the summer under one those heat lamps is out of the question without my hair melting. LOL  I'm excited to explore some new looks with wigs.  I'm even thinking of getting a Bo Derek braided wig for the fun of it, not in blond of course but the braid thang. LOL
THE BIG NEWS OF THE DAY IS MY CANCER MARKER NUMBER IS DOWN FROM 1050 TO 178 so that is a great sign that things are working and I should be on schedule and ready for surgery in 6 months!  YIPPIE.............my Dr came running in my room and gave me a high five when he got the news!
Goal is to have that number under 35. But dropping that much in 20 days is remarkable!!  YOUR PRAYERS ARE WORKING!!!!!!!!!
I was really tired after today, in fact fell asleep in the car on the way home so this treatment took a lot out of me.  We are mixing up my meds a bit to try and be more proactive about avoiding nausea so will see how we do this week. (fingers crossed)
We had a lovely dinner at my parents place tonight with comfort food, roasted chicken, macaroni and cheese, Caesar salad.................YUM and corn on the cob, a favorite of Tim's.  I can tell you how wonderful it is having my parents so close by and getting to see them every week.  I LOVE It!  MaMa Lou packed us another great lunch today for our date too.  She is the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!
Off to bed................LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Another GREAT day in Paradise!

I am telling you I could soooo get used to this feeling "normal" that now I know I am REALLY going to look forward to my week off chemo each month.  Aside from metal mouth it's the closest to feeling healthy that I'm going to get for God knows how long..........LOL
I received a referral this morning from my niece 'THANK YOU JESI" so I'm really excited to take a new listing and help them find their dream home.  FUN times ahead!!!!!  This is the stuff that just gets my adrenaline gurgling! LOL
We also have a wonderful new volunteer, the beautiful "Sharon Fox" that is going to oversee the auction at  MY BIG FAT PURPLE fundraiser on September 17th.  If you have anything you'd like to donate or would like to help her, please contact her at FaceWurks@yahoo.com. She used to be my neighbor across the street from me when I lived in Harbor Ridge Estates.  Those were the good ol' days.  Dang, I'd own that house today if I had never moved.  Darn it!  No going backwards though! I am really getting excited at all the fun things planned for that evening.  FYI, You don't need to know me to attend, so pass along the details to all your family, friends and coworkers.  IT will be the night of the year on Lake Tapps!!!!!!!!!
YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS GIRLS NIGHT IN ON JULY 8TH!!!!!!!!!!  Foxwest (http://www.drscottfox.com/dr-scott-fox.htm) has kindly volunteered to collect $50 donations to the Dawn Jump Donation account and in exchange you can schedule a facial peel ($125-150 value).  Perfect timing with the sun damage on it's way ~ You'll want to revive your face!!!  Besides, we are all going to have so much fun!!!!  I'll be drinking my tart cherry juice out of wine glass and watch you gals have all the wine I miss!  I can live vicariously! BIG Thank you to Dr. Scott Fox and Sharon w/Foxwest!
I am hoping I feel well enough to go walk the Federal Way Relay for Life this Friday.  If history repeats itself, I will.  The weekend is what is really in question as far as nausea and side effects of chemo kicking back in.  My niece and I (and Sylena~Tim's daughter) are planning to meet there at 6pm and get some exercise! and check out my peeps from MeMeandCompany!
Back to HAPPY HOUR tomorrow.  I have some new questions for Dr. Picozzi like can I get my eyebrows tattooed and alleviate all this stress I'm having about losing my eyebrows.  Lashes we can glue on, hair we can plop on but eyebrows, I can't draw.  LOL  Sharon with Foxwest has offered to do them for me but am guessing if I can't have a manicure, seriously doubt he'll be OK with a tattoo. LOL
I am looking forward to my date with Dad though tomorrow, that's always the best part and of course MaMaLou's lunch!
That's all I have for now...............LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Solstice Day

...and what a beautiful gorgeous day it is!!!!!  How awesome to wake up to sunshine!! and get to drive into work topless! (you all do know I drive a convertible, right?)
I feel amazing!!!!!!..........I don't even feel sick, I feel 99% normal and 1% metal mouth just not as strong as usual, this whole week out of the bar is NICE!!!!!!  However, back to happy hour with Daddy on Thursday.  I'm excited though I got to talk to my vanity coach today (Janet Bowman) and she is going to stop by and consult with me on Friday during my chemo.  Hoping we get this eyebrow thing resolved before I'm a bare naked alien. LOL
I decided to wear my hair down today and couldn't help but notice A LOT more hair loss than usual with the blow dryer and straightener.  I cleaned my brush BEFORE we started and had to do it again when I was all done, and the bathroom....YIKES, looked like I was in a hair pulling contest and the other person won.  ooops, so I made my wig fitting appointment for Friday at 1PM up at Overlake hospital.  This should be a riot!!  Me and a room full of hair, are you kidding me?  Good times!
We are gearing up at work for the big Summer Festival in West Seattle.  Lots of work into for 3 days of power packed people handshaking and a watchin'.  It's good for the area agents to go see and be seen there!
I got my new debit card today in the mail, was hoping for my head scarf but they just mailed it yesterday.  Did I mention I lack some patience?
If you get one thing out of today's post, it's this.  DON'T PUT YOUR LIFE ON AUTO PILOT!  You miss ALL the fun that way!  Live your life with some intention and purpose!  Don't just sit back and wait for life to happen to you, go out and happen to your life!  Damn it! LOL  We live in the most beautiful state in the country and we take it for granted.......days like today are the days you really need to go out and LIVE LIVE LIVE like you mean it!!!!!  We are all so lucky to be alive.  I say we, because if you are reading this, you must be alive BUT you might just be flying under the radar in auto pilot.  STOP IT!!  SMILE and count your blessings starting with the first one, you got to wake up today!
My sons are all set to arrive on July 1st, I can hardly wait to see them again.  Having my family with me on this journey is priceless, but having family period is priceless so don't take yours for granted.  OK?  Hug them today like you never have before. 
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Monday, June 20, 2011

Who wants a Bloody Date with Dawn?

Ever have one of those nights where you just have the most vivid dreams that are so detailed you swear they were real?  Well, that was what my night was filled with. LOL It had Rascal in it (my last dog), my juicy watch, college, and a portfolio that I keep my things in.........................just some really weird random things. LOL 
I'm so blessed to have had such a wonderful Father's Day WITH my Dad.  Loved his post this morning!  We are just like two peas in a pod.  LOL  Food was good, the company was even better! At this time, we're not sure he'll be available to take me to my chemo date on Thursday morning so my dear friend Sandy is my Plan B.   
I've been thinking..................and with that comes growing.  Internally.  By that I mean, emotionally and spiritually.  I'm not going to get into my spiritually on here, as most of you know my faith is between God and I and it's not a topic I discuss.  However, WOW am I growing!!!!  When I think about all the good that is wrapped around my tiny little world it is really overwhelming.  Close your eyes for a minute.  Think about you, the person you have become, the child, the sibling, the parent, the friend, the partner........think about all that you are to others.  Imagine then that it was YOU that was diagnosed with such a deadly disease.........that is was YOU that was now in financial distress, in physical collapse, and so on..................then imagine someone you had never met put money into an account to help you pay a bill.  Now think about THAT level of goodness, and multiply that.  THAT is what you are capable of becoming.  I have concluded that NONE of us have reached our full potential, it takes hundreds and hundreds of people and contacts to help us grow.  OK, you can open your eyes now........LOL  Guess you had to read this but my point was to get you to feel and not read.  LOL  So can you see now how important it is to take care of yourself, if not for you, for the people around you.  Be your best so you can give your best................maybe if we all gave a little more, give when it's hard and when it hurts, and that's when the growing takes place.  We all naturally do what comes easy, but we don't do the hard stuff.  I am so deeply touched by the amount of support, not only from my family and friends, but from strangers..............people that give for the joy of giving.  THAT is a miracle!  We are surrounded by miracles every day and we take them for granted, I know I have but I'm hoping now I can be someone else's miracle.  I know I can give more.................and so am asking for your help with this.

I can no longer donate blood.  It breaks my heart and its been one of the nicest joys I get to feel every couple months.  Now I have to be cancer free for one year before I can donate again, so I am hoping to find some replacement donors.  It is more than likely that I will need a blood transfusion(s) before I'm done with this journey.  I need you so save MY life and help me save others!  If you already donate blood, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm reaching out to those that don't out of fear, inconvenience, time, etc. There are too many excuses for me to list.  I would like to have a blood date with you.  Call me, and I will buy you lunch and take you to donate.  I'll hold your hand the entire time!  Tanner, I am expecting you to step up here and help your mother! LOL  If I can't get my own son to donate, how am I ever going to get others????????????  I typically donate in Federal Way at Cascade Regional Blood Center, they know me there and I KNOW they will take wonderful care of you, as will I.  Would be fun to have a few girlfriends and make this a girly donation! LOL

On that note, let's see how many bloody dates I can get on my calendar!!!
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day!!!

I am so excited to get to spend a Father's Day with my Dad!!  Really looking forward to our BBQ later this evening!  GOOD TIMES!
I've got a link created on the facebook CancerDiva page with some more details about the end of summer fundraiser My BIG FAT PURPLE BENEFIT Check it out!!!  I will have to do some figuring out how to actually post the event here on my blog with a button to order tickets (Ed.....that's your department LOL)
OMG, we had sooooooooooooooo much fun at the crab feed MSC charity event last night for Tim's surprise 50th bash with his friends.  Tim was SHOCKED!!  In fact, it was funny, he was not feeling well and I thought he was going to bail out on me there for a minute.  LOL  We had an amazing evening and our table even won best decorated table (thank you so much Pam and Janice)!!  HUGE Thank you call out to Janice for pulling these peeps together, I could not have pulled this off without you, and I know Tim is deeply appreciative as well.  He had an AWESOME time.  Just love my man so much!!  It was fun to surprise him! 
Of course I'm a little tired today but my nausea is under control......voice and throat are a little rocky but I feel good.  I'd say I'm a 9 today, and yesterday!!!
I really love that my peeps are wearing my purple wristbands and getting ask "what is that for"?  My goal is to help increase pancreas cancer awareness along this journey and ultimately make a big ripple.  Thank you to all of you wearing one, and if you want one and don't have one, I promise I will get one to you.  I'm a little slow at getting them mailed out, but I will!!!
Go enjoy you Dad's today and know that you are loved!!! ~ LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ

Saturday, June 18, 2011

The weekend is FINALLY here!

I hit my wall yesterday around noon so left the office at 12:30 and came home and went straight to bed.  When I woke up a couple hours later I had an M branded on the inside of my left elbow??  Same arm as my last cocktail.  I know this is just another side effect, but it's itchy like a mosquito bite.
I was able to pull of chicken enchilada dinner with my parents, Sandy and Tim's friend Tim (little Tim to me).  I think it takes 3 little Tim's to make just one of my Tim's. LOL  The six of us really had a wonderful evening!
MamaLou said her friend's weight got down to 90 lbs after his Whipple surgery........can you imagine me at 90 lbs?  OMG, that would be like 2 olives on two toothpicks. LMAO  I'm not letting myself under 125, that would just be uncivilized!  L O N G way to go and so far, I'm doing pretty good on my eating and only down 6 lbs so plenty of extra kilo to work with.
I got all my thank you cards written out to the peeps at work yesterday so feel good knowing they know, I REALLY appreciate their support.
My voice is a little better today, but still not normal.......I can't tell is this is my usual voice issue that goes in and out or if I'm coming down with something so I'm amping up on my vitamin C...........just in case!
It's raining today so I don't have to water the plants..........can just focus on writing up this counter offer for Jesica and Kyle, they're coming over at noon to sign on the dotted line. (Actually, it's not dotted but you know what I mean)
I'll be here most the day today (we have to head out for our crab feed charity event for MSC at 5:30) so if anyone wants to stop by and pick up their purple wristband, I'm here.........just have to run to liqueur store which should only take 30 mins for Tim's surprise later this evening............FUN EVENING AHEAD!
I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a house cleaner!  WOW, I had one back in 1997-2001, but forgot how nice it feels.  THANK YOU MAMALOU!  You are the best!! and I love you so much, Dad too!!!
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Mama said there would be days like this...

Sleepless night last night led to a slow start getting out of the gate this morning......thankfully I have Jamie in the office covering my back!  Let it be known, "I heart Jamie!" and my floor back up Alice!!!
I printed up 3 calendars here at home and am starting to track my highs and lows in hopes of learning a pattern so I can better predict how I'm going to feel, if that's possible.  It can't hurt!! plus it's all color coded and looks COOLIO!
We did get the fundraiser celebration party all set in stone.......!  YAHOO!  September 17th at Terri and Rick's place on Lake Tapps (aka paradise).  Shain & Shelley w/Aflack will be providing the music/DJ/karaoking for the evening.  GOOD TIMES AHEAD!  We're going to be doing a silent auction, raffle, purple wristbands for sale, etc.  Our goal is to sell 200 tickets so we can all together say goodbye to summer and my send off to a successful surgery.  LOTS of things to celebrate! including each of you!  THANK YOU TERRI & RICK, SHAIN & SHELLEY ~ and my mother of all angels, Val!! and lots more thank yous for those of you that are stepping up to insure this is a super fun and memorable night.
I think I was feeling a little tiny bit better today.  Started getting sick out grocery shopping with Tim and barely made it home in time.........and then tried to close the bathroom door and picked up his bath scale only to have it fall on my big toe..........OUCH!!!!!!!  Geez, like the cancer isn't enough, I need to go break a toe LOL  We hit Trader Joe's tonight, just LOVE LOVE LOVE that store!  even bought me a bunch of yellow and purple flowers to build an arrangement for the entryway.
I'm craving Mexican food again so planning on having my folks over for dinner tomorrow night for my Mom's chicken enchiladas and some Spanish rice along with all the trimmings.  OH YEA!!
I'm taking all the drugs tonight (got another bill in the mail today this time from Virginia Mason) so am packing a punch with the drugs so I can just pass out and sleep through the night for a change.
Much love to you all and tomorrow is Friday so do something that scares you!!!!!!  Just because Eleanor says so! Did I mention how grateful I am I don't have chemo this week.......my butt has been kicked this week!  Next week I'm bringing my A-game!
LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Emotional Day....

I struggled this morning, just getting out of bed.  The bloody nose, nausea and now pain under my nails just makes me feel sick.  I keep trying to convince myself I'm healthy and yet a new symptom will wake me up in the morning.  After grabbing my mini bowl of cereal (remember, the Special K chocolate) I l layed down to let the food and medication marinate in my system.  Then I decided I'd feel better working at the office than laying around the house feeling icky. 
I was greeted right off the elevator from one of my favorite agents "Gini Jo" and it was such a treat.  She claimed she was waiting for a client but followed me like a little puppy dog back to my office.  I didn't think anything of it since we were carrying a conversation the whole time.  When I turned the corner and saw this huge purple wall painted with pink "Live with Passion" my heart sank into my stomach.  Over the weekend a group of agents painted the wall to remind me everyday that I'm not alone on this journey.  There are not too many moments that I'm speechless but this was felt so deep in the heart I couldn't catch my words for a minute.  The people I get the privilege to work with every day never cease to amaze me.  I am surrounded by the best of the best and you just can't imagine what an honor that is.  There were several times today I wanted to go home due to the nausea however, every time I walked around the corner and saw that wall, it inspired me to be strong and just work through the nausea and let it pass.  Everyone was dressed in purple today too.  I am going to beat this cancer, there is no way with all this love wrapped around me, I would ever fail at this battle!

I also came home to a package that was mailed from an old friend dating back to junior high school, M'Lee.  She made me a gorgeous purple blanket with a purple ribbon right in the middle of it.......I've been snuggled up every night on the sofa with it and plan to take it with me to my chemo treatments (I get cold in the room and the heated blankets are just blankets minus the heat). LOL
I met my niece and her husband in Buckley after work to write an offer on a house and Jesica made me this stunning purple pot with fancy words...Dawn words, like Diva, Fighter, Passion, etc. and she planted a lavender in it so I couldn't wait to get it out back on our porch.  I'm a flower whore and just can't have enough color in the yard to savor in a single moment.  I can remember one time a zillion years ago, working in the yard with my X and he made a comment, "don't you think you have too much color in the front yard" and I responded, "do you really think people are going to drive by our house a go, EWWWWWW, they have too much color in their yard, drive faster so we don't have to look at it." LOL  Ah, memories.  LOL
Valerie has solidified the BLING for Dawn night at her house on July 8th at 7PM.  Will be so much fun to shop and enjoy a girls night in.  Haven't done that in sooooooo long.  It's my hope that everyone will order a piece of jewelry to remind them of this journey with me, and that they are an angel to me.  I want them to be reminded of their best!  Because that is what each of you is giving me, and it inspires me to give my best on this journey too!  Funny how that works, huh?
We watched the Voice tonight.......and Javier Colon sang a song that reached out to me from my Mother.  I think of her every time I hear the song and it really made me realize all the people that love me so much and are here for me during this difficult time are not only angels, but an extension of my mother.......I believe she has sent each one of you to care for me in her absence.  She would have been moved to tears today like so many of us were.



I am so grateful I have this week off from chemo.  I feel the progression of the treatments already and don't think I could cope very well with every week.  I think God understands my boundaries and blessed me with a week off each month.
Food is tasting horrible........the metal taste is very strong and most foods have lost their taste.  Little bowls of cereal, cups of taco bell chili, sour things are tolerable.  Food has lost it's color......it's not even black or white, it's all gray.  AND YOU ALL KNOW I DON'T ALLOW ANY GREY IN MY WORLD!  I run on hot or cold, black or white.......one of my dear faults. LOL
We are still looking for a place to hold the big fundraiser (got my First $850 bill in the mail today from Group Health due in 2 weeks.) OUCH! Three Chicks Catering will be providing the food for us but we're looking for a place with some parking that's not too far out that's, well you know. FREE! LOL
I was reminded today of something important.  Some of you have already lost someone close to you from pancreas cancer so this journey is especially emotional for you.  Thank you Shari!! and thank you for the Popsicles, washcloth and peppermint, I think it's going to help!!  and I just want you all to know, I WILL COME OUT OF THIS A WINNER......A BIG SKINNY WINNER! 
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Lake Osoyoos Getaway...

The drive to Canada was really nice..........could have gone without the strip search at customs but once across the border, it's been amazing here. Hot and sunny in the 80's.  We savored up six wineries yesterday ~ my nose was working overtime.  We have a variety of wines, already filled a case.  Tim picked me out a really cool sunhat too!  I even got compliments on it when we were out at lunch.  It's very "Pretty Woman".  LOL
I have been feeling A LOT better taking these papaya enzymes!  They are really helping me along this way, and thankfully they're no expensive! 
I got a little emotional last night in the room.  For whatever reason, from time to time I just get scared.  The big battle is sometimes overwhelming.  I do better when I just take it one day at a time. 
This trip is so nice...........the weather, we're just going to relax and hang by the pool today and then take Tim out for a nice dinner this evening to celebrate his 50th special day!  I gave him a picture of his present this morning. LOL 
I'm so grateful, being so in love and waking up to enjoy another day.  A day filled with love and family. Hope where ever you are..........you are happy and healthy and grateful for the day you've just been blessed with!
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ

Friday, June 10, 2011

2nd Round of Happy Hour

Day started out early, for some reason my biological clock alarm is going off at 4 am now in the morning and suprisingly, there is just not that much to do at that hour of the day.  Guess I could start blogging at that time LOL
I felt good after taking care of the nose bleed leftovers from the night and got my morning Special K in me.  I have to eat whatever time I wake up to get rid of the nausea.  Special K is nice and bland and I eat the kind with little chunks of dark brown wax in them, oops I mean chocolate.  I think it's the same chocolate they use for Easter bunnies.  Which I have fond memories of but unless you go gourmet like Dilettante (my personal favorite) for Easter, theother chocolate is pretty nasty.  All in favor of that statement, say I ~ see I heard you all!
We got so lucky today on level 2 (chemo ward)...........there was a cancellation so we got into the chemo an hour earlier than scheduled.  It's amazing the work that goes into scheduling this.........a Dr. appt, blood draw and lab orders to pre-meds and then finally the ultimate moment ~ CHEMO TIME!  You actually have to say that to the tune of MC Hammer's HAMMERTIME! amd then it's funny.
They gave me a form to fill out that you have to answer all these specific questions on side effects and asks how you feel. I wrote "Feel like a rock star". LOL  That's my nickname on this floor.  Nobody has picked up on the DJ yet but I like Rock Star so I'm all good with it!
First cocktail was a BITCH to me today................she burned and burned all the way up my arm and I kept checking the bag to see how much time was left, and it was TOO much so buzzed the nurse.  She slowed the drip down and diluted with saline so that took the edge off.  Still painful but tolerable so cocktail #2 is now and no pain at all.  They give you the worst one first since it has the meanest side effects.  Weird that it didn't bother me at all last time...........but left arm and port is much lower.
We also got a treat today and got to meet with my Dr Picozzi who I ADORE!  We thought his was out today so it was nice to consult with him.  Possible medication changes up the road, but I have the next 5 visits all scheduled and Thursday is dedicate PURPLE DAY from this point forward!  You should check out my brother's sexy picture on my Cancer Diva Group page on facebook, he's all sporting a purple shirt and tie and looks HOT HOT HOT! Thank you big bro!!!!!!!!!
If any of you are on facebook, please friend me up if you haven't already and let me know you want in the group.  Valerie will post fundraisers and request for help there.  Please don't feel obligated but it's there if you want to participate.
We are still hammering out the date with Three Chicks Catering for the big event of the year fundraiser!  Would you still be able to come if it was labor day weekend, I want to schedule it so Ryan and Tanner can be here with rest of my family.
Tara Sorenson is handling the air miles and you can find her on my facebook friends if you would like to donate miles.........would love to get my brother and his family up here too for that event.
Thom and Sharon arrived last night and my parents came over and got to meet them..........we really had a nice vist.  And get this, Sharon had a main and pedi done for our trip in you guess it right! PURPLE!!
So we are matching sisters now too.  Just love them to pieces!!!
Dad and I have enjoyed a lovely picnic lunch prepared by MaMaLou!  Turkey Croissant, watermelon, hard boiled egg, veges & ranch, and of course my favorite chocolate chip cookies!!!  LIFE IS GOOD!!Thank you MaMaLou!!! Love you tons!!!!!!!!!
Tim and I head out for Lake Osoyoos for his 50th birthday weekend.........you can email him a happy birthday on Sunday if you'd like rmruner@hotmail.com is his email. I was thinking of putting that on a billboard but funds just wouldn't allow it.
Have yourself a GREAT weekend!!!!!!!  I am going to continue to chemo like a rock star! ~ LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Foreplay to Wine Smelling Vacation

Aside from the morning nose bleed, today has been a great day thus far!  OK, I could have done without the ride in the elevator with a guy eating a peanut butter sandwich. LOL
We had our monthly sales meeting this morning which gave me an opportunity to thank everyone in our office for their prayers and support.  It felt good and on top of that everyone had their A+ Sense of Humor game on too which really made it a fun meeting to attend.  I've been giving out purple wristbands with deep appreciation!
Thom and Sharon (Tim's brother and sister-in-law) are joining us tonight for a sleep over! LOL  They are headed on vacation with us tomorrow when I'm done with chemo.  This wine smelling trip (Ok, tasting for them, smelling for me) is going to be so much fun!!!!!!  If nothing else, will be good to just get away from everything for a few days and truly relax and hopefully have some great fun in the sun.
I get to walk over to keybank and deposit my first check from ConsignDesign today!!  Tim found this amazing consignment shop down on the cusp of Seattle and Ballard that is soooooooooo cool!  A few of my things sold right away so I'm excited to have an outlet for things I don't have space for anymore.  Gave me some birthday money to spend on Ryan and Tim.  Their birthdays are the 12th and 13th.  My Gemini men!
Tim promised me we would stop and buy some LOTTO tickets on our way out of Dodge tomorrow.............I'm determined to WIN big!  WIN BIG OR GO HOME.....my new motto LOL
Thank you so much Tara for overseeing the air miles so my family can travel to and from for visits with me.  YOU ARE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!  and I can hardly wait to see you on the 8th of July for our girls night in fundraiser! 
I got to start on my steroids today to prepare me for chemo...........I'm also drinking a LOT of water to get my veins ready for action tomorrow!   Am hoping MamaLou is packing us a lunch again, that was so much fun ~little picnic with my Dad! LOL  I actually look forward to the happy hour dates (even though they do last way longer than an hour)........hopefully I can secure the latest appointment on Thursdays in the future which is the 3PM time slot.  (keep your fingers crossed for me!)
Over and Out and thank for all the warm and fuzzy thoughts and prayers! LIVE WITH PASSION~DJ

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I WON THE LOTTERY!

OK, not really.  However, I got my first six bills in the mail from Group Health and NEED to win the lottery so that's my new daily affirmation! LOL
Please forgive me for not writing the past couple days..........in the future at a minimum I will at least log in and write "please stand by" ~ that's an inside joke between Tim and I so you all know I didn't die or something.  For whatever reason, the fatigue hit me like a Mack truck on Monday.  I have been struggling to adjust to this new level of energy, or lack there of.  It's hard, as most of you know, I'm a bounce off the walls type person so not having that level of energy to channel is a bit challenging.  Work is picking up (THANK GOD!) and so I'm trying to take extra great care of my clients.
The success seminar yesterday was great!  One of the one liners that really hit home for me was "Adversity is inevitable, but misery is optional".  THAT IS SO TRUE!  Honestly, no matter what curve ball hits you, you always have a choice, play the victim or become a better you.  There are so many incredibly wonderful things that are already unraveling on this journey that to waste even a single minute feeling sorry for myself and asking that cliche, "why me?" would be uncivilized. LOL
The magnitude of appreciation that I am able to feel now is overwhelming!  It is my goal to figure out a path so you can feel the same without a tragedy touching your life.  If you could feel what I feel, your life would be a million times happier and I'm convinced you'd have an abundance of whatever it is you wish to have in your life.  THIS IS THE WAY GOD INTENDED US TO FEEL EVERYDAY!  I'm just not sure why we struggle with it and get so caught up in the day to day grind of life. I notice the littlest things, a smile from a stranger, eye contact, all the different shades of green in the woods behind us, etc.  To say I'm grateful that I got to wake up today is an understatement.  Our journey here on earth does have an expiration date, and none of us know when ours is.  Cancer reminded that I have an expiration date and I want you to realize you have one too.  Live IN the moment, don't take it for granted..........there is so much love in that statement, "live like you're dying"!  The ONLY way you can really fulfill your personal purpose is to love, and love deeply and generously.  Stop putting boundaries and conditions on the love you have to give..............it's not worth it.  Why keep it all bottled up inside of you when you will feel a million times better releasing it to everyone you come in contact with.  FORGIVE........it will release you from the chains you carry! 
I'm sorry for preaching but if I don't pour what's inside of me out onto this screen or paper this journey will be for nothing.  And that I can not let happen.  There is one or two books that I will publish at the end of this journey.  If my story can help even one person down the road, it will be all worth it, no matter how sick I may get.  I can see the industry needs a "Diva's Guide to Surviving Cancer" already and who better to do that than me?  I am all about simplicity (I just look high maintenance) LOL so a simple step by step guide to getting through from start to finish is definitely in order!!
What is your purpose? I honestly believe mine is to make a damn big ripple in the fight against pancreas cancer.  To help as many people as possible along the way whether they have cancer or not.  There is no difference between you and I.  Just because I have cancer and you don't doesn't mean you can't fulfill your purpose and live your dreams......yea, even the big ones!
OK, enough of the soap box.............I am doing well.  Tired and some nausea here and there but so far the side effects are manageable to me.  Managing my own personal pharmacy is difficult too so need to figure out the pharmacy on the go plan.
We are leaving for Lake Osoyoos/Canada on Friday after my chemo treatment so pray that 6 hour drive goes smoothly and there's no immediate side effects from chemo that day.  Tim's 50th b'day is on Sunday so we'd planned this road trip to wine taste and bask in the sun with his brother and sister in law for the extended weekend.  I don't think I've ever met someone so into their 50th bday before.  I think he'd like it declared a national holiday LOL  SHHHHHHHH, don't tell him I typed that out loud!  He's my rock so if I could I would!!  Him and Obama are not on the same page so it's not going to happen though.
Now........back to my affirmation "I WON THE LOTTERY!"  I'll bet winning the lottery will be the same feeling as the day I can say I am cancer free!  Oh yea baby! 
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Day of SUNNY rest

OK, now that we spent the day in the yard yesterday slaving over weeding the yard and planters, today we get to enjoy it!
We'll head up to Sears to grab a couple lounge chairs and then home to wash the convertible and rest rest rest!!!
I got some lovely cards in the mail yesterday that just made me smile from the inside out!  Some from work and with thoughts from all our agents.  Touched me so deeply.  It really is such a privilege to work around such an amazing bunch of people with such big hearts!  Not to mention all their wonderful real estate mojo! My boss Don has just been amazing during this whole process and beyond supportive.  His sense of humor keeps things light and his heart is bigger than life!
Nems from THREE CHICKS CATERING has offered up the Venue for our big fundraiser, and Shain and Shelley the karaoke/DJ for the night and between Ed and Keleen, I think we've got the wine so we're on a roll!  This will for sure be the funnest night of the year!  Together we will rock the night away and share lots of hugs! and dancing! and everyone will receive a purple wristband from me personally!  Dress code:  Purple of course!  No, it's not my favorite color (pink is) but I know it's the color for pancreas cancer awareness so purple it is!  I did give myself and mani and pedi last night so I've got my purple on!! 
There is so much concern about me getting sick and fear of any type of infection so I have opted to do my own nails and toes for this journey.  Just concerned about the sanitary conditions on the tools they use to cut, push, and scrape when doing my nails.  Besides, since I've moved I have not had my nails done so not committed to a salon yet.  I am trying to get in the habit also of washing my hands ALL the time.  The message I got loud and clear is my immune system, well, eventually I'm not going to have one so I need to avoid being around anyone that is sick, has the sniffles and even stay out of movie theatres!  Yea, guess I'm going to find out what it's like to be a germphobia gal. LOL
I do feel great again this morning..........mostly just dealing with the metal taste in my mouth, and of course the sensitivity to the sun but so far, I'm off to a great start!!.........just got off the phone with MamaLou (we spent the morning on the phone together).  It's so nice having family close by, it's just priceless!  There's always been so many miles between my parents and me and now they're just six miles up the road........priceless!!
Well, I'm going to head downstairs and wake Tim and up with some fresh coffee and chocolate chip pancakes on the griddle!  Then enjoy this gorgeous sunny day and all the new flowers I planted yesterday! 
Much love to all of you and thank you again so much for keeping me in your prayers, God IS listening and I believe he's right here helping every step of the way.  xoxoxo LIVE WITH PASSION~DJ

Saturday, June 4, 2011

I got my Chemo on!!! LOL

Yesterday was AMAZING!!!!!!!  Proof that with the right attitude you can make anything FUN!!  As you know, I woke up singing," I'm too sexy for my pancreas" and went as far as to dress for a date!  These are chemo dates for me and as much as I love my sweats and would have been more comfortable in them, I felt my first priority was looking good so whatever was about to happen, I'd still feel good.  Personally for me, if I don't look good, it's a bit more challenging to feel good.  A gal's gotta start somewhere and this Diva starts on the outside.  OK, not really but work with me here. LOL  I had on my cute sexy torn jeans, heels (of course), blank tank fitted tank with sheer print cheetah blouse over it and all the bling in all the right places!  Still don't have that purple mani and pedi but working on that this morning.  Given the potential nail issues ahead of me, I cut my nails down this morning, it's never fun when I have to bring out the big guns (clippers).  I'm a file gal not a cutter gal.  It's even worse with my hair (ask Mandy, but again I digress) LOL
MamaLou packed my Dad and I great healthy lunch, well OK she snuck some cookies in there but remember this was a FUN date and what's a fun lunch without cookies??  My only glitch heading out the door was I couldn't put any perfume on.  No fragrances or strong odors allowed in the cancer ward. What is weird is this floor smells so bad like body odor and so I'm thinking the patients are taking it too for and not wearing any antiperspirant GEEZ, itLOL really does smell bad, I'm not exaggerating. LOL  See what I have to look forward too?  a gosh darn sensitive nose.  LOL
Tim met us for the early part of our date which was chemo 101 training for rookies LOL  Janice taught us everything we needed to know but were afraid to ask.  Needless to say it was primarily about all the side affects potentially ahead of me, news that I have a about a month and half before I'm bald, and all the new prescriptions I get to take........UGH!  I have officially turned into that person that I never wanted to date (you know the one with a medicine cabinet full of prescriptions for every ailment possible) LOL  It was also weird to be told I need to know where my nearest ER is where ever I go.......EWWW!  I'm 48 and that made me feel like 84 LOL  Sadly, that training was overwhelming for Tim.  I'm still in denial and believe I'll breeze through this with minimal side affects and work my normal routine missing a few days here and there for chemo but other than that, I'm going to fight this thing and chemo like a rock star!!  Tim was just overwhelmed with all the negative side affects, really the only positive thing said in that hour was "you won't have to shave". LOL (referring to me, not Tim of course)  I'm even going to be hyper sensitive to the sun and have to wear a very high sun block, OK, I'm a sun goddess are you kidding me?  UGH!  but, sunscreen and a big sexy hat it is then. LOL
My vitals were great (blood pressure meds are working obviously) and my blood work came back very good so we had a green light to launch into happy hour!  My first cocktail of the day was Taxatene which came with some risk of pain and red streaks up my arm the following day so Linh (my nurse who is gorgeous and funny in the absurd way that I am so we were just two peas in a pod~she even dropped the F bomb once LOL) put a heating pad over the port on my arm to prevent all that.  And it worked!  No red stripes today! In fact, I didn't even feel the needle go in when she put the port in place!!  When I say we had a perfect date yesterday, I mean not a single glitch.  My 2nd cocktail came after a rinse of #1, Gemcitobine and I had no issues with that one either!  We were at the hospital from 10-4 and it went by very quickly and both my Dad and I had fun!  Tanner called and talked to me for awhile was I was there and it's always nice to hear my sons voices.  I'm fighting this fight more for them than for me. 
So, onto my amazing and unexpected visitors for happy hour.  Shannon Turner stopped by early on and introduced herself as my patient navigator with the American Cancer Society and she was just a sweetheart!  Gave me lots of resources to help me along this journey but I have to say my favorite was Gina Ritchie my social worker with Virgina Mason.  She was a darling!  Although, she said one thing that made me sad, and that was "I have one other patient with a positive attitude like you" and I thought to myself ONLY ONE??????  YIKES!!!!!!!!  So, I need to be spreading the joy when I'm there and hopefully help some others along the way.  The more the merrier, right??  Let's turn those frowns upside down!!  LOL  I had two choices, jump in my sweats and bring the stress with me or dress the hell up and have a good time.  This is a weekly commitment and a 4-6 hour timeblock out of my day when I'm there, why waste it feeling bad when I can take that opportunity to make others laugh, and I can learn a thing or two along the way.  Gina was amazing, touching on my fears of hair loss, skin changes, basically all my vanity issues and it was nice to just throw it out there say, hey, I'm freaked out about losing my eyelashes not my hair, although I know the day I have to shave will be extremely emotional for me and I don't think I'd be healthy if I didn't cry. The ONLY person I let touch my hair is Mandy at MeMeandCompany so will grab a few girlfriends and make a date of that as well and bring my new sexy big haired wig (watch out as I'm probably going to bring the 80's back)  You know my motto, go big or go home! LOL  Something I thought was interesting is there are hair banks (not real hair wigs, fake hair) (yes you read that right) so I can go and get two free wigs at a hair bank LOL  Not holding my breath on the condition or how sexy the wigs are but might be fun to have a couple different looks and then I will invest in my favorite wig made with real hair.  They also have this Good Wishes foundation "a gift from L. Brickson USA~ www.francelux.com and I get a GORGEOUS silk head scarf from them.  I can hardly wait as I have a cheetah print one picked out!  LOL  I know you are not surprised..........trust me, I'm a diva all the way down to this damn tumor and I'll be damned if I'll let cancer take that away from me. LOL  I am going to schedule a meeting with Janet Bowman, my appearance consultant for a one on one consult during my next chemo date so that will be fun to get help from her.  I'm also going to to look into naturopathic physicians specializing in oncology (Gina gave me a list of them~just need to see if Group Health will cover it)
I didn't have any allergic reaction, no pain, and quite honestly had a blast and I attribute all that to my attitude and spirit and all the prayers you give me every day, my family, my friends and God's gift of life which I'm not going to sit back and waste feeling sorry for myself.  I've not once asked "Why me" and that's only because if every time something bad happens to you in your life and you ask yourself that, then it only fair that you ask that same question when something good happens to you.  Think about it, and you'll know I'm right so when life throws you a curve ball, just HIT IT! the best you can and don't let it take you down.  Somebody somewhere said something like it's not about the hits we take, it's how you get up from them that defines you.  My life has not been easy, I have had my fair share of "junk" but I'm no different than you.  I've never met anyone that had the perfect leave it to Beaver life and just had everything come easy.  I surround myself with positive people that I can learn and grow from and with.  The negative ones, well, let's just say I did that house cleaning back in my divorce in 1996.  You can do more good for more people by sharing the light within you.  We ALL have it, God was not picky about who he gave it too, just some choose not to let it out.  It's easier to feel bad and make fun of others.  I get that, but the joy comes from quite the opposite.  Imagine the world if we all just glowed a little more.  I can't even read the news, watch the news because of all the negativity it focuses on.  I have to channel my energy forward and to the good.  This journey is hard, one of the hardest ones I will ever endure, but the amount of good coming out it FAR exceeds the pain, the fear, the sadness, and all the negative things on it.  I am taking this journey for my family and my friends.  I can carry this and would rather this be on me than any of you.  I see how hard and emotional this is for those that love me, and it brings me to tears to see you all hurting and see your fear.  Trust me, I'm not going anywhere!  I PROMISE as God as my witness, there is NOTHING ahead of me that will stop me from beating this no matter how long it takes.  I know I will write a book or two at the end of this, and become a major advocate for pancreas cancer awareness and help all those after me, and even with me now, beat this horrible disease.  Enough cancer already!  I lost two of the most beautiful women in the world, my mother (59) and my paternal grandmother when I was only 2.  No more and that includes me!!
I can tell you this, you love more with cancer, you feel more with cancer, and if I believe if you don't play the victim, you can do more with cancer.  Now, don't get me wrong, I will play the cancer card from time to time to get want I want (I am still Dawn LOL) for example when I go to buy my new big sexy hair, I will ask the cashier for the cancer discount. LOL  THAT my friend, is the cancer card.  LOL  Or, can we get a table by the window, I have cancer and the light helps me when I'm eating LOL
On a final note, Valerie and I are going to plan a big big big fundraiser at the end of summer.  I want this to be a BIG celebration of all that I have learned thus far, and bring all of you together with me and toast all that is good!  It will be a big place where we can accommodate all my friends and family, we'll have wine tasting, entertainment (hopefully karaoke), amazing food, and with enough support a silent auction of some nice things for you to take advantage of, and overall just a super fun evening to say farewell to summer.  All the proceeds will go into the donation account to help with my medical bills (which alarmingly I found out Virginia Mason only gives you 3 months to pay) UGH!!!!!  I want to personally greet each person at the door and give them a purple wristband and a hug from me to say thank you for your love, prayers and support.  It's true, this cancer is not only bringing out the best in me, it's bringing out the best in you and everyone around me.  This must be what a miracle feels  and looks like!  I love you! ~ LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Friday, June 3, 2011

I'm too sexy for my pancreas....

LOL, I started singing that song, "I'm too sexy for my...." last night when we came out of the grocery store.  I'm not so sure Tim thought it was as funny as I did.  What made me think of it?  Funny you should ask...
I couldn't help but notice the abundance of pink ribbons and pink products on the shelves all increasing the awareness and supporting breast cancer.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing!  I just couldn't help but wonder why all the pink and no purple?  What's wrong with pancreas cancer, why can't it get more attention? and then it hit me.  IT'S NOT SEXY!  Breasts are sexy, girls think they're sexy, guys think they're sexy so of course nobody wants them to be sick.  LOL  Geez, when I was told I had pancreas cancer I didn't even know what the pancreas did!  I actually had to google it.  LOL  We women are are a powerful breed (OK, gender, whatever) and when we wrap our arms around a concept, WE WRAP OUR ARMS AROUND A CONCEPT, hence you can't go hardly anywhere and NOT see a pink ribbon.  Well, someday when I grow up, there will be purple ribbons too!  LOL  Probably not, because it's not sexy.  The pancreas is just an ugly pesky organ, no matter how you slice it and dice it.  HOWEVER, I want mine healthy and to me, it's sexy now!  LOL  So you see, I'm too sexy for my pancreas!
TODAY IS MY FIRST CHEMO COCKTAIL, my happy hour will begin shortly after 1PM. I'm a rookie in training so have some learnin' to do first.  I'm excited, got my Dad by my side, and Lou made us lunch and some snacks.  I need to find out what I can bring into the room.........I think I need to find a "happy" paining or print of some kind because those rooms are pathetically drabby!  I think that will be my first order of business once I beat this thing to see if I can find someone to donate their time and talent to maybe paint a mural in each room.  There is no need for them to be so drabby!  They should be homey with a touch of whimsical to make you smile!  I know, I'm crazy, if I really had my way they'd have bling in there too!  LOL  At a minimum, I think they should have a motivation phrase written on a wall in each room, something that makes you ponder and uplifts you.  A different one in each room!  How hard could that be to do?? 
I tell you what I think is creepy, seeing other patients in the waiting area that you know also have cancer (why else would you be in the in the chemo area?).  For some reason, I see them all as very sick and I feel bad for them, but I don't see me like I see them.........weird huh?  Wonder if that will change as I progress on this journey??
Well, I better jump in my sexy shower and get ready for my date with Dad and my first chemo happy hour!  I'll ask for mine shaken, not stirred LOL  LOL  LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ

Thursday, June 2, 2011

SAVE THE DATE! ~ July 8th

We chicks have July 8th reserved as a girls get together at Val's house in Browns Point for some Booze and BLING.  Terrie has kindly donated her time and profits to my cause and I just know we'll all have a wonderful time!  More details to follow on our facebook group page.  Honestly, I don't know about the booze part, I just made that up LOL  but am sure we'll have some wine and munchies!!   I'm really excited and looking forward to seeing everyone, and the weather should be wonderful under their new outdoor living room!!  I can't have any alcohol on this journey but a virgin margarita might do me some good. LOL
Surrendering into the pain in my mouth and going to the dentist today.  UGH!  If you know me, you know that's one of my phobias but Janice and the team there make it as pleasant as possible.  I really think it's my sinus's though, not teeth.  Dad even thought it might be stress.  It all started after I started taking sleeping pills so I didn't take them last night and don't have the pain today???  Hmm, connection? coincidence? inquiring minds want to know.
I am really anxious for my first chemo treatment tomorrow (you know, so that I know exactly what to expect on all the future ones).  I'm going to bake cookies tonight (my favorite, chocolate chip) and put together a little snack pack to go with my books and laptop. I'll have my Dad with me and Tim will meet us there at some point too.  I am drinking LOTS of water today to hydrate my veins and get them all ready for their big day tomorrow. LOL  Dad and I have lots of Dad/Daughter dates ahead that I just know we will treasure forever.  My Dad has not lived near me most of my life and we have maintained a roller coaster relationship across the miles for years.  Since Mom died though, we have been closer than ever and he's really been a wonderful Dad to me.  My mother was amazing so I know he's doing his best to fill that void in my life (a part of me died with her-it changes you forever).  Most of us take our parents for granted when they live so close by, so Tim and I both are going to savor Dad and MamaLou residing 6 miles up the road from us.  This journey is not as scary having them so close by. Plus they are a hoot to be around and entertain with!
Sun Sun Sun is on it's way this weekend!  We are planning to get the yard in shape, flowers planted, get some patio furniture and get our outdoor game on!! (fingers crossed)
I still have this dang big ol' bump on my belly.  Looks like I swallowed a walnut and it got stuck right above my belly button. LOL  I'd certainly be a good candidate for the next Alien movie! LOL
I sure hope those 100 purple wristbands are waiting for me on our front porch when I get home today.........they just can't get here quick enough.  Did I mention I don't have any patience??  Speaking of purple....time for some purple nails and toes!  OH YEA ~ I'm getting my purple on!! LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

29 Days...

29 days from diagnosis to day 1 of treatment!  I am thrilled to have made some progress this morning (without my parents having to march down there and raise the roof) LOL so I have my first chemo scheduled for this Friday.  We'll have an hour of training, then they'll let me have my private room, draw blood and wait for the results, and then my chemo should start at about 1:20pm.  YEA!  I can't get over how excited I am to get going on this.  This just might be a Kodak moment!  LOL  I already know my first question for the nurse training me, "Is there going to be a test on this?"
Shari my counterpart at work brought me a big bunch of purple bearded Iris's from her garden, they are just stunning!! and almost as tall as me. LOL
I came home from work today to a couple surprises (no, the purple wristbands are not here yet) but my girlfriend Terrie sent me a beautiful pair of Crystal hoop earrings from her line of jewelry www.touchstonecrystal.com/terrieowens and we're planning a BLINGY fundraiser and girls night at Val's house in July!! How fun!!  I have not seen Terrie, well............in at least 25 lbs ago.  LOL Amanda's (Tanner's girlfriend) Mom, Jolene sent me a beautiful little Willow angel that I now have sitting on our mantle.  She sits among the cards and I can't help but fill up with joy when I am reminded of so much support and love.  I have got to be the luckiest cancer diva on the planet!  BTW, I created a special group on facebook (Cancer Diva) so if you would like to be in the group, just contact me on facebook or you can probably join yourself, I didn't put any restrictions on it.
Valerie has ordered a TON of Brown Bear car wash tickets too so please email her ValerieACarey@msn.com if you'd like to buy some (they are $5 each) otherwise she'll have two to three lifetime supplies of car washes for herself. LOL or her family won't have to wonder what they're each getting for Christmas. LOL
I feel good today both emotionally and physically.....other than some new tooth pain that surfaced a couple days ago.  I just can't catch a medical break to save my life.  LOL
If I could tell you one thing you should do right now that I have really learned in the past 27 days, it's this:
DON'T WAIT!  Open up your heart and world right now to all the friends and family you have.  It's just too easy to get distracted by life and focus on careers, finances, possessions, etc and lose sight of the fact that by being so busy, you are shutting people out.  Don't have any of your friends and family at arms length.  Pull them in now and you will be sooooooo much happier and your summer will probably be one of the best ones you've ever had.......I dare you right now to pick up the phone and call someone, a friend that you consider close yet have probably not seen in months.  Why wait for a traumatic event to make them a priority, make the call and make plans to get together SOON.  and then REPEAT!  I love you!!  LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ