Emotional Day....

I struggled this morning, just getting out of bed.  The bloody nose, nausea and now pain under my nails just makes me feel sick.  I keep trying to convince myself I'm healthy and yet a new symptom will wake me up in the morning.  After grabbing my mini bowl of cereal (remember, the Special K chocolate) I l layed down to let the food and medication marinate in my system.  Then I decided I'd feel better working at the office than laying around the house feeling icky. 
I was greeted right off the elevator from one of my favorite agents "Gini Jo" and it was such a treat.  She claimed she was waiting for a client but followed me like a little puppy dog back to my office.  I didn't think anything of it since we were carrying a conversation the whole time.  When I turned the corner and saw this huge purple wall painted with pink "Live with Passion" my heart sank into my stomach.  Over the weekend a group of agents painted the wall to remind me everyday that I'm not alone on this journey.  There are not too many moments that I'm speechless but this was felt so deep in the heart I couldn't catch my words for a minute.  The people I get the privilege to work with every day never cease to amaze me.  I am surrounded by the best of the best and you just can't imagine what an honor that is.  There were several times today I wanted to go home due to the nausea however, every time I walked around the corner and saw that wall, it inspired me to be strong and just work through the nausea and let it pass.  Everyone was dressed in purple today too.  I am going to beat this cancer, there is no way with all this love wrapped around me, I would ever fail at this battle!

I also came home to a package that was mailed from an old friend dating back to junior high school, M'Lee.  She made me a gorgeous purple blanket with a purple ribbon right in the middle of it.......I've been snuggled up every night on the sofa with it and plan to take it with me to my chemo treatments (I get cold in the room and the heated blankets are just blankets minus the heat). LOL
I met my niece and her husband in Buckley after work to write an offer on a house and Jesica made me this stunning purple pot with fancy words...Dawn words, like Diva, Fighter, Passion, etc. and she planted a lavender in it so I couldn't wait to get it out back on our porch.  I'm a flower whore and just can't have enough color in the yard to savor in a single moment.  I can remember one time a zillion years ago, working in the yard with my X and he made a comment, "don't you think you have too much color in the front yard" and I responded, "do you really think people are going to drive by our house a go, EWWWWWW, they have too much color in their yard, drive faster so we don't have to look at it." LOL  Ah, memories.  LOL
Valerie has solidified the BLING for Dawn night at her house on July 8th at 7PM.  Will be so much fun to shop and enjoy a girls night in.  Haven't done that in sooooooo long.  It's my hope that everyone will order a piece of jewelry to remind them of this journey with me, and that they are an angel to me.  I want them to be reminded of their best!  Because that is what each of you is giving me, and it inspires me to give my best on this journey too!  Funny how that works, huh?
We watched the Voice tonight.......and Javier Colon sang a song that reached out to me from my Mother.  I think of her every time I hear the song and it really made me realize all the people that love me so much and are here for me during this difficult time are not only angels, but an extension of my mother.......I believe she has sent each one of you to care for me in her absence.  She would have been moved to tears today like so many of us were.

I am so grateful I have this week off from chemo.  I feel the progression of the treatments already and don't think I could cope very well with every week.  I think God understands my boundaries and blessed me with a week off each month.

Food is tasting horrible........the metal taste is very strong and most foods have lost their taste.  Little bowls of cereal, cups of taco bell chili, sour things are tolerable.  Food has lost it's color......it's not even black or white, it's all gray.  AND YOU ALL KNOW I DON'T ALLOW ANY GREY IN MY WORLD!  I run on hot or cold, black or white.......one of my dear faults. LOL

We are still looking for a place to hold the big fundraiser (got my First $850 bill in the mail today from Group Health due in 2 weeks.) OUCH! Three Chicks Catering will be providing the food for us but we're looking for a place with some parking that's not too far out that's, well you know. FREE! LOL

I was reminded today of something important.  Some of you have already lost someone close to you from pancreas cancer so this journey is especially emotional for you.  Thank you Shari!! and thank you for the Popsicles, washcloth and peppermint, I think it's going to help!!  and I just want you all to know, I WILL COME OUT OF THIS A WINNER......A BIG SKINNY WINNER! 

LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ