Where did time go?

I can not believe I have already been home in Alabama for just over a month.  It is just crazy fighting so hard for one more day andthen poof...they are gone.
I am trying to get as much life in a day as I can.  In fact, it almost like I have out of body experiences just dealing with the physical destruction of pancreatic cancer.  The tumors create such a havac.  All of it is so weird.
I am trying to think of ways to spoil my family and all of us do something we have never done before, and think of crazy things that you would never do normally because we can not afford it.......right now got Mom and Dad working on a crazy lobster and crab night feast with my family.  All I want to do is spoil them rotten with what little time I have left.
Also hoping to do a road trip with my parents in the motor coach...we have never done that with me on board!
I will blog more now and share the intimacy of saying goodbye. I am 50 years young...way too soon to have to say bye...but thats my hand so watch me play it out!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

What's so special about girls?

WOW I can not believe it has been almost a month since I have poured my heart out on my blog.  I have been distracted with life...mine in particular.
My stomach pain started creeping back early in the month and just progressively got worse.  I have tried to hide it...even tried to pretend that it doesn't hurt.  However, it gets so bad that it makes me even more sick and I end up throwing up.  I am trying to control it with pain medication (oxycotin) and although that helps a little, the pain still controls me not me controlling the pain yet.  As a result, Dr P has moved my check up from March 28th to March 5th.  Yes I will be back in the hospital Tuesday for blood work, xrays, and ct scan.  Perhaps something there will explain my pain and better guide us to get it under control.
I am super excited for a day with some girlfriends tomorrow. They are taking me to the Northwest Women's Show. Sharon, the office manager sent me a complimentary ticket.  How sweet was that??  One of the biggest challenges in battling cancer for me has been losing so many of the physical joys of being a girl.  This show is an opportunity for me to get lost in all things girly for an afternoon and pretend like I do not have cancer.  I am too ill to walk the entire show and I do not want to miss a thing so the girls are going to take turns pushing me in the wheelchair.
I was touched to tears to learn of a charity at the show that helps terminal cancer patients 19 or older.  They kind of pick up where the Make a Wish Foundation leaves off.  The founder Amanda Reynolds reached out to me and I am super excited to meet her in person.  The charity www.AllAboutHope.us is worth checking out and supporting.  I am sure I will be their biggest fan and advocate with what time I have left.
I love love love being a girl and all the amazing and beautiful girls in my life.  My girlfriends are the wind beneath my wings. They have helped me soar on this journey with cancer and they always remind me how tough I am when it's time to fight. 
Last year I fought that pancreatic tumor with every ounce of me and I won.....although the victory was a short one.  I won.  This second tumor came at a time when I was so weak from battle that now I am just learning to dance with cancer.  It is such a different journey.
I am going back home...home as in my roots.  I am going to spend the month of April with my family in Alabama.  This will most likely be my last trip home so it is all about quality time with my dear redneck family.  Tim is even going to join us for a few days and learn what it's like to be a redneck. LOL
Girls make the world go round...boys just fix it when it breaks.
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

Keep on Moving!!

I am not even going to beat around the bush on this point.  I can honestly tell you that it is so much easier to KEEP moving than it is to stop and try and restart moving.  I think this not only applies to your physically moving but can apply to any area of your life.........even love.  Think about it!!!
As I am venturing back into the gym to try and build some muscle, strength, and indurance I realize this is incredibly hard and painful.  We take for granted our ability to walk from point A to point B until we can no longer do it.........for me just getting through a grocery store to shop is a major and painful task.  I know it will get better though.......but only if I keep the momentum going.  Laying around all day although it feels good and is easy is hurting me more and more......just like the longer you wait to get your personal goals in motion the harder it will be with eaching passing day by doing nothing.
I am up to 30 minutes on the treadmill plus up to 2.4 mph.  It hurts so much and I block out the pain with music.  I can barely step off the treadmill by myself when I am done but I know my body is healing thru the pain.
Tim is right there by my side...coaching, cheering and personal training.  I know nobody wants to see me healthier and happier than he does.  Figure out who your biggest fan is and let them help you with your goal.......whatever that might be.
With new health insurance that took affect on Jan 1st came the need for a new family doctor.  I am so blessed I got a referral from one of my best friends, Dr. Gonzalez.  I met her for the first time today.  I actually felt embarrased going into the appointment.  So many health issues as a result of these past couple years....just felt like I was 90 years old, not 50.  She really made me comfortable and my fears and reservations went right out the door.  I quickly realized I have an advocate that is extremely supportive with a genuine desire to help me on this journey as much as she can.  I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders!!  I have met the perfect person to help guide me and coach with the time I have left.  She is certainly one of my many angels!!
I really had a good day today......much better than I had expected.  We sometimes forget life throws us a good pitch from time to time too. Remember to be grateful!!!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

Radiation Graduation

Today was a big day.  It was my last radiation treatment, forever.  I completed my 6 1/2 week program and it is my understanding you can only go through radiation once in a lifetime.  I am fatigued yet excited to be all done.  Now I get a month off with no trips to the hospital.  I can officially start my rehab.  Oh I know I still have cancer, regardless I plan to get back in shape.  I even joined our little local Maple Valley gym today.  This is really going to be a challenge for me.  I am so used to being strong and when I jump into the workout routine...it is with both feet running.  Go big or go home!!  However, that motto will not work now, in fact it will hurt me.  I have absolutely no muscle mass anywhere on my body.  I know only lost weight along with my ass on this journey but I lost even enough muscle to lift 10 lbs.  I do not know if I can even walk 10 minutes on a treadmill but tomorrow will tell.  I am really lucky to be here and even have an opportunity to get back in shape.
Radiation was fun today....they played music that all had JUMP in the title...they took pictures which I will post tomorrow and I got to rign the bell three times!!  I also got a big hug from everyone that has been on this journey with me and a certficate of completition. LOL. I felt like a kindergardener on the last day of school.
My joints hurt so bad, turtles move faster than me, I have constant ringing in my ears, insomnia, headaches, extreme tooth sensitivity, mouth pain and tingles in my fingernails and toenails but other than that I AM ALIVE!!
We do not know if any of my treatment the past several months has impacted PJ, my tumor.  We will not know anything until my next full check up on February 7th.  So my job now is to focus on all things good and forget that I have pancreatic cancer.  Best way to do that is being in the moment LIVING my life on my terms.
I am so grateful for all my girlfriends and son that were my designated drivers so I would not get a DWC (driving with cancer) issue.
More tomorrow with pictures and a gym update!!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ