Salt Mine PART II

Darn it if I didn't get home from work today and still not have heard back from Dr. Picozzi's office (Judy specifically~the chemo scheduler).  I know she gets off at 4:30 so I called at 4:15 and left her another voicemail.  Well, by 5 I knew I was not going to make any headway securing my first chemo today.  As MamaLou would say, "they just licked the red right off my sucker".  That's kind of a redneck way of saying they took the wind out of my sails.  LOL  You just can't help but laugh at all my parents funnies.  Well, tears set in so I called my Dad and explained that I just felt like maybe his office is too busy to treat me on this journey if he didn't even have time to put any notes in my file or any work orders in for chemo or whatever oncologists do to get this ball rolling???  I honestly can't think of anything worse than this waiting game.  When God was giving out patience, he obviously ran out when he got to me and my family.........Needless to say, I'm calling Dr. Picozzi first thing in the morning and leaving a message for him to call me ASAP.  If I have not heard from him, or Judy by 10am, my parents will be down there at the hospital and they'll have two rednecks in their lobby saying, "HEY, YOU MADE OUR DAUGHTER CRY!"  I feel so much better knowing either way, by my phone call or their personal appearance, we'll have an explanation why we're ready to take off and they haven't even layed the track yet.  Chemo! Ready or Not, here I come!! LOL  I'm tired and am worried this big knot above my belly button won't go away.  I keep rubbing it as though it's going to bring me good fortune. LOL  Tara, does it ever go away and if so how long does it take?
At Valerie's request, I sent an email out to my entire database today and that started a new string of support and prayers.  I'm so grateful to have met the most amazing people along this thing we call life.  I believe not only in the power of prayer, but that every miracle started out as prayers. Val's asked me to start a fan page or group on facebook so she can post SOS calls and things about fundraisers and get togethers.........think I should do a fan page or group?  I'm not sure what the difference is between the two.  LOL  I'll sleep on it and am sure I will have made an executive decision by morning.  I have to do a very big THANK YOU to my dear Alice in the office.  She's been so supportive since she got my news and even brought me a bouquet of flowers that I have sitting on my desk......they are so bright and cheery (not cherry, that's what I almost typed) Obviously, I need to go to bed.  NIGHT NIGHT and you know, you can sleep with passion too! ~DJ

Back to the Salt Mines.....LOL

It felt soooooooooooo good to wake up this morning and know I get to go to work!!  The sun may not be shining on the outside but it sure is on the inside.  I miss the agents here and it was so sweet to be greeted with hugs and smiles.  My office ROCKS!! I was praying for no traffic so I could get here early and jump on my laptop and start pulling up all the new listings and broker's opens for the day and get them out to the agents.  Funny, how something so a part of my daily routine now feels like a treat, a real real privilege.
There is no doubt having cancer changes you.  How you feel, how you think and eventually how you look (oh yea! Bald is beautiful, right?~Hoping if I keep telling myself that enough I will start to believe it LOL)  However, it doesn't have to change my hopes and dreams.  Like a dear friend from high school said on facebook to me, "You have cancer, cancer does not have you".  Ain't THAT the truth!
I am not so far out there in "Mambi Pambi Land" (as Tim puts it) that I don't know I'll have some bad days but I imagine this is like losing one of your senses, such as eyesight, then all the other senses go into magnified high gear.  I feel like my soul has stretched itself to a level I only dreamed but never felt.  Maybe it has something to do with opening my mind and heart to allow others to help me, I don't know.  I just know I have never felt so much gratitude for the even the smallest of tiny things like walking into the garage and seeing my car backed in so I could easily pull out of it (Tim obviously did this in the middle of night while I was sleeping) LOVE THIS MAN!!  I almost cried, I mean I actually had to hold back my tears of gratitude.  Even my breakfast lean pocket tasted like heaven to me (perhaps in anticipation of chemo killing not only the cells in my body but my taste buds too)?...........I am a better person with cancer, than I was before.  I can already honestly say that, and it's only been 26 days, but who's counting? LOL 
I was so anxious about this morning and having to call Group Health and chase down the authorization for my referral, I put that phone call off as long as I could. The gal answered the phone and she saw the request for it in the system and put me on hold to see if she could get it authorized for me while I sat on hold.........and low and behold, SHE DID IT!  Is there such a thing as a phone hug?  If there is I gave her a big one!!  LOL  Then I called Dr. Picozzi's office to schedule my chemo.  Unfortunately, Group Health is moving faster than he is, nothing in my file indicating that he even met with me last week, just the nurse, so waiting for the scheduler to talk with him and call me back so I can set up my appointment which by the way she talked will most likely NOT be this Thursday.  UGH :(  It's never fun when you find out the world does not evolve around you, I don't care who you are. LOL  So as of right now, I'm waiting for the call back so we can get this dog and pony started! LIVE WITH PASSION ~DJ

Memorial Day

With today being Memorial Day, obviously I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of my mother and her short battle with cancer.  I miss her so much, not a day goes by that I don't think about her, I keep pictures of her everywhere as most of you already know. LOL  As much as I want her here with me, especially now, I'm glad she's not.  I don't think she would be able to cope watching me fight this battle.  I pray she's in a beautiful place in heaven where there is no pain (emotionally or physically).
Tim and I enjoyed a fun day making it rain at the casino with my parents.  MamaLou is a lean mean slot machine queen.  LOL  I can hardly wait to take the boys up there over 4th of July.  You have not lived until you've seen Tim, Ryan and Tanner sitting at the same blackjack table LOL  Of course, seeing those three together doing anything is blessing for me.  Like me, my Dad doesn't gamble.  However, I will gamble if it's someone else's money.  LOL 
Tonight we're having my parents over for a BBQ dinner and just laying low so I can continue to rest.  I'm excited to go back to work tomorrow and get back into my routine so I can enjoy a distraction from cancer.  Last night out of no where I just lost it, I just got scared and started crying harder than I have since I've received the news.  I sat in Tim's arms and he just let me cry, harder and harder until I couldn't even speak. I think sometimes I get spooked by the odds and how they are not stacked in my favor.  I took a sleeping pill and went to bed and feel better this morning..............plan to run to Fred Meyer and get some flowers today.  Val mentioned me having flowers in the hard so when I'm resting outside I can have a colorful surrounding, and she's right.  I LOVE flowers, all different colors!!  The more the brighter and the better!  I think I'm going to actually take one of my terra cotta pots and just plant nothing but purple in it and that will be my "I'm kicking cancer" planter.  Then I'm going to do another one for Mom in her memory~ was going to look up and see what color uterus cancer is and then plant hers in that color and one for my grandmother Polka (stomach cancer). I love you all so much and hope to see you soon.  LIVE WITH PASSION~ DJ

Day of Rest...

I am so grateful for an amazing day yesterday (even the sunshine came out of my pocket!).  After my lashes (which by the way devastating news, my Frannie is moving to Utah) so hopefully the new gal can fill her lash shoes.  LOL  I got to visit with Alicia and LeAnn and am so excited they are planning a BUNKO fundraiser at Twin Lakes Golf and Country club on my behalf ~HOW FUN WILL THAT BE?~  Then I got to relax in the sun with sis (Cheryl) and Chris and even see Ian and Erica and their two boys.  Really was so wonderful getting to see them all!!  Then off to Valerie and Jim's where I also got to see more of their family and one of dearest friends Sandy who gets prettier every time I see her.  How she do that? LOL Then I had to rush home to beat Bill and Jackie to my house for dinner, they brought over the most amazing ribs and I really loved catching up.  Jackie and I date back to 1981 when I stood up in a classroom in college and said I needed a roommate and she popped out of her chair!  LOL  They are always such a kick to hang out with.  I felt a stuffy nose coming on so was in bed by 9PM and a fever set in, UGH!  So, am worried I'm coming down with a sinus infection.  I did sleep in this morning so that was good!  Tim and my Dad got to enjoy the amazing Mariner/Yankee game together and had a great time last night too!!  Thank you so much for dinner Bill and Jackie.  My stomach is feeling better each day, the bloating goes down a little and my muscles are starting to work again, YEA!  I'm going to take it easy today and rest as much as I can.  We are planning to meet my parents and nephew at Snoqualamie Casino and see if we can make it rain there LOL  (that's what my sons' call it when you win money gambling) LOL  It's really weird, I remember years ago talking to Carmen about us getting to that age when our friends are going to start getting sick and here I am, the first one.  I am trying to negotiate with God that since he gave me such a big one that by surviving this, he can't get any of my peeps sick!  The rest get to die of old age!!  Valerie was really able to get me out of my own shoes yesterday and into hers and made me realize how important it is for me to let the people that love me, help me in whatever way that want and can.  I'm not used to receiving and hate asking for help (as she knows) and it brought tears to my eyes to even think about one of you getting cancer.  I know I'm not alone on that journey and for that I'm so grateful!  I can't begin to tell how how big your kind words of support put such a big ripple in my day making it brighter and happier.  I obviously have the most amazing friends AND boyfriend (Tim) as I think most boyfriends would have kick to me to curb by now with this much baggage LOL but Tim is not letting go of my hand and I love him more than ever and am thankful this is bringing us even closer together.  I can feel all my relationships getting stronger, what a blessing that is!!  It's emotional seeing my closest girlfriends hurting for me but I'm glad I'm the one God chose, and not them.  I didn't grow up with any sisters so God gave me the most amazing girlfriends that have got me through the highs and lows in my lifetime.  My brother and I are best friends across the miles but God even gave me a handful of guy friends that are also like big brothers to me (Ed and Larry~thank you!!)  From where I sit, you can't help but see all the good and beautiful things on this journey, the tumor is just a tumor, everything else is a miracle and gift from God.  I love you all so much!!  and thank you for taking time out of your busy life, and time away from the struggles you are going through to support me on mine.  LIVE WITH PASSION~DJ

A fun day ahead!...

I'm excited for today because it starts out getting eye lashes, lash day is always fun because I get to see my girl Frannie @ MeMeandCompany!  Then having coffee with my peep LeAnn and hopefully can take a cruise through that wig shop in Federal Way and get a feel for what's out there and how much they cost.  Then popping over to see Chris & Cheryl, then Val and home to relax for the evening.  Bill and Jackie are bringing me dinner while Tim's at the game with my Dad.  Not sure I'll make it through all that since my pain tends to set in around 3ish but that's my plan!  Also going to swing by and fill the flyer box on my listing in Browns Point www.DawnJump.com/191105 which hopefully will have a buyer SOON! I ordered a bunch of information and stuff from that http://www.pancan.org/ including 100 purple wristbands!!  LOL  They should be in next week so if you want one, we can hook up or if I need to mail you one, just shoot me your address at Tuttles2@hotmail.com Valerie is up and running on the Brown Bear car wash tickets already (they are $5 each) which is half the price if you just go in there so please email ValerieACarey@msn.com and let her know if you'd like to order any and/or help her sell some.  She also has a donation account set up at Keybank so you can go into ANY keybank and make a donation payable to Dawn Jump Donation Account.  She is managing that account for me. THANK YOU VAL!  I did get confirmation from Dr. Byrne yesterday that he put in the request with Group Health for my oncology care to be referred out to Dr. Picozzi at Virginia Mason and he put a rush on it, so hoping that is all processed by Tuesday so I can secure my first treatment on Thursday. I couldn't get a treatment any sooner anyway, because you can't have chemo until after a week from surgery.  Good thing so I can mentally prepare for it.  I'm sure my Dad will take me to every appointment, and Tim will probably come later after he's done with work but as soon as I have my time slots secured, you are welcome to pop by for a visit if you like (warning though you will probably have to pay for parking).  I can only have one person in the room with me at a time though so if too many of you want to come, I'll make a sign up time sheet like I do for work LOL  I am so grateful that so many of you want to wear the purple wristband for me!  It's such a huge blessing to be so loved.  You all have been wonderful and thank you so much for your love and support! ENJOY your Saturday and let's hope for a sunny afternoon! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ
Meet my Oncologist, Dr. Picozzi

Specialties
Hematology/Oncology, Medical Oncology, Cancer, Gastrointestinal Cancer, Pancreatic & Biliary Tract Disease

Clinic, Maps and Directions
Virginia Mason Seattle Main Campus

Education
MD, Stanford University School of Medicine, Calif., 1978; MS, Health Administration, Tulane University, New Orleans, 1999

Residency
Internal Medicine, Harvard University, Brigham and Women's Hospital, Boston, 1981

Internship
Internal Medicine, Harvard University, Brigham and Women's Hospital, Boston, 1979

Fellowships
Hematology, Stanford University, Calif., 1984; Oncology, Stanford University, Calif., 1984

Board Certifications
American Board of Internal Medicine, Subspecialty in Hematology, Subspecialty in Medical Oncology

Professional Activities and Awards
President-elect, Washington State Medical Oncology Society; Member, Clinical Practice Committee for the American Society of Hematology; Former Faculty, Stanford Medical School; Former Section Head, Hematology and Oncology at Virginia Mason
Voted one of Seattle's Top Doctors by Seattle Met in 2009 and by Seattle magazine in 2009 and 2010.

Special Interest(s)
Pancreatic Cancer, gastrointestinal cancer (pancreaticobiliary), genitourinary cancer, hematologic oncology (lymphomas), myelodysplasia

Joined VM
1985

On Patients
"Patient care requires the utmost in both scientific expertise and humanistic understanding."

On Specialty
"I think of no greater way to serve humanity than to assist in the care of a cancer patient."

On Virginia Mason
"At Virginia Mason, patient care is regarded as our most important activity."

Happy Friday Everyone!

Before I get rolling on this one, I want to wish you all a really wonderful 3-day weekend!  We don't have much on our agenda since I'm still healing from surgery.  Tim has tickets to the Mariner/Yankee game on Saturday night but I don't think I'm feeling up to sitting up that long so he's taking my Dad.  I think it will be neat for my Dad to see how we do baseball here in Seattle and enjoy that beautiful stadium of ours (praying for some sunshine!).  My dear parents are so cold up here (it's in the 90s down south already) LOL
Some of you have asked for our address (15628 158th AVE SE Renton, WA  98058) is our new home, which I just LOVE!!  Honestly, I don't think the timing of this move could have been any better.  I remember having to break away in the middle of the move to go get an ultra sound LOL
You know, another good news I forgot to mention is Dr. Picozzi has taken me off the Dukan diet.  He insists that I need my weight on to endure chemotherapy.  He likes his patients full figured LOL  He's funny, so we're off Dukan and now going to maintain a low fat (the pancreas hates fat so he wants to me avoid fatty foods) and will stay on a high protein diet though and NO alcohol at all but I'm not a big drinker so will be fine with that. 
I've been thinking about your hair comment and I think that's the right thing to do so I'll consult with Mandy at MeMeandCompany.com and let her give me a new short hair style and she can donate the hair to a charity.  If any of you see some cute haircuts email them to me "tuttles2@hotmail.com Most of you know what a hair addict I am so this won't be easy, but I think it will bring me peace in helping someone else along this journey.  Maybe Mandy can even do an event at the salon and others can come in and donate their long hair too.  I will look into that!!  THANK YOU FOR THE IDEA!!  You all are so wonderful, I am the luckiest gal in the world.  I even got this amazing text from my boss, Don last night "We all love and admire you" at the end of it.  It just makes you want to work harder and help the agents even more when you have people like that supporting you.  Our office is AMAZING!  It really is a privilege to be a part of West Seattle Prudential Northwest Realty.  I'm looking forward to getting back to work on Tuesday and preparing for our big summer festival in July and building up  my inventory of houses for a long hot summer and a record breaking year for me!!  I will let you all know when the purple bracelets get here and you can either stop by and get one, or I can mail you one (whichever is easier for you) and I appreciate you wearing this on my behalf.  In fact, I think I will even mail one to all my past clients and share my blog with them too!  Did you know pancreas cancer is the #4 killer??  I think it's an understatement to say I'm going to learn a lot on this journey, and I hope all of you will too.  I already feel it rekindling past friendships so I'm focusing on all the good that is coming out of this journey.  God put me here for a reason and I know it's a positive one!!  I'm so excited for my 30 year high school reunion so I can hug all these incredible peeps from my past.  I can only have one person in my chemo room with me at a time, and I although I can't imagine anyone wanting to sit around a hospital in a room like that for 4 hours, my Dad will be there and I think if any of you want to stop by if your downtown at that time, he could have a break and we could visit and help pass the time.  Val is even looking into raising miles where people can donate miles so I can fly my sons up here more often and when my parents have to fly back to Alabama and check on their home there they can use the miles.  She's already rolling on the Brown Bear car wash tickets fundraiser too.  I'm so lucky to have the most amazing friends!  ENJOY your weekend and thank you for reading and commenting!! xoxoxox LIVE WITH PASSION!~DJ aka the Cancer Diva LOL

the aftermath of my first oncology date

I am not sure I can put into words how I'm feeling at this moment in time.  We learned so much today from Dr. Picozzi that I'm just not sure where to start.
My cancer is in Stage3a, but he says that doesn't matter.  Being treated for pancreas cancer at VM (especially since mine is so rare) is the best place in the world to be treated!  We all love Dr. Picozzi!!  and it's a good thing because he has me scheduled for 6 months of chemotherapy.  THEN, hopefully the tumor will have moved and/or be small enough to operate and remove.  My chemo will start next week (we just have to wait for group health's approval).  Good news is there were no cancer cells in the wash indicating the cancer has not spread.  Dr. Picozzi said that is still no guarantee as cancer can spread and be undetectable.  It was like with every good news, we got bad news so we all left I think not knowing exactly how to feel..........confused??  but happy yet sad.....LOL  I will go in for treatment once a week (2 weeks on then 1 week off) and this will go on for 9 weeks, then they will do another catscan to see if  it is working, then back on the program again for 9 weeks, repeat, etc. for 6 months.  So, this journey is going to last longer than I had expected...DARN IT! and I will lose my hair.......LOL  (OK, wig shopping here I come) but there is no way to tell if I will be very sick or not, as chemo affects everyone differently.  I'm young though, 15 years younger than the average pancreas cancer patient.  Did you know pancreas cancer is the worse cancer to get?  It is the most aggressive and used to be a death sentence, but Dr. Picozzi has helped revolutionize how they treat it......his survivor rates are much much higher than the national average!!  OH YEA, WHO'S YOUR DR.??  LOL  He gave us all these really cool purple pancreas cancer awareness bracelets so I am going to go online http://www.pancan.org/ and order a bunch more so any of you that would like to wear one, I will give you one.  I am not going to lie, I am very scared but I find so much peace in the support that you all give me.  It's hard to explain but please know every time you write or send a card, or call, or text......it brings joy and faith to me on this journey.  I love you all so much and I plan to schedule my chemo treatments on Thursday (each treatment takes 4 hours) that was depressing news but I think keeping them to the afternoon will hopefully allow me to work more hours.  I can even work from my laptop while getting chemo!  They let you bring your own food and drinks..........they have a tv in the room so hope I can make a positve expereince out of my time there.  My Dad and MamaLou and Tim are right here by my side every step of the way.  I am so thankful for them, not sure I could make it without them being so close. I love you all.......and thank you for continued support.  LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ

We need your help

One of my dearest friends, Valerie is trying to set up a fundraiser for me(selling $5 Brown Bear carwash tickets) and is trying to find a co-sponsor so she can use their 501C3 tax number.  Unfortunately, Prudential doesn't have one, so if you have a charity or church you are associated with and can help her, we would appreciate it.  You can contact her directly if you'd like to help her at ValerieACarey@msn.com My biggest fear is not losing the battle with cancer, it's losing my job and not being able to work for an extended period of time due to the chemo and Whipple surgery.  Val (bless her heart) is trying to ease that burden so I can pay the medical bills and living expenses and not have to worry about the financial impact this is going to have on Tim and I. She's even come up with a great charity name "Cancer Diva" LOL I know this is a lot to ask, and no worries if you don't have the connection.  I just thought someone out there might have what she needs since I don't.  My oncology appointment is at 4PM today so will write what we find out later tonight!  LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Thinking out loud...

This morning, shortly after posting on my blog I had a set back.  After brushing my teeth, I went to lay back down in bed and had some sharp attack under my right rib cage that was cutting off my ability to breathe.  I was gasping for air and trying to call out for Tim at the same time.  Finally, I called my Dad and MamaLou answered and they came right over.  After about 20 minutes of this attack things settled down, but I've been off all day long.  Unusually stronger pain on my right side and into my shoulder blade.  We did call the Dr. and spoke with one of his assistants and they welcomed me into to run some exrays to look for blood clots, but I declined assuming it was a one time muscle spasm of some sort.  They have called me twice today to check on me which has been great.  Today's pain is worse than yesterday, imagine if you did 10,000 sit ups last night how you would feel this morning......well, that's the best way to describe my pain right now, just not mobile and comfortable.  My parents cleaned the house so that was incredibly thoughtful!!
I also had my best friend from Jr. High (Angela) stop by whom I've not seen in many many years.  She brought me a hydrangea which I plan to plant in a pot so I can keep it with me always to remember this moment (and some sugar free hard candy which I know will come in handy).  I can't even begin to explain how deeply touched I am by some of the emails, posts, and cards.......especially from those friends from my childhood!  I'm telling you, you never realize how much love there is surrounding your life until a tragedy such as this comes into play. I realize the only way I can get though this chemo and radiation is through seeing myself through your eyes.  I don't know where the strength is going to come from to overcome being sick for so long.  I think I'll keep a picture of Ryan and Tanner in my bathroom. LOL 
Tara, I'm looking forward to Girls Chemo Day!  I'm guessing that's what you have plotting in that mind of yours. LOL  M'Lee your facebook message moved me to tears, and Linda your quote was so beautiful!  Thank you just does not seem like big enough words to express my gratitude.  Jim, you are always making me smile too.  I really loved the "I have cancer but cancer doesn't have me".  I might even make that into a plaque. LOL Pamela, thank you so much for calling and checking on Tim last night!!  Your call moved him to tears!!   I even got a card in the mail from some friends of my brother's in Alabama I've never met!  THANK YOU! Now, tell me I don't have the most amazing dentist in the world!  homhttp://www.radiantfamilydental.com/ Dr. Dan and his office are the best, if you need a dentist you MUST go there!  I got a bouquet of flowers from him and his staff today!!  Thank you Dr. Dan and you too Janice (one of my angels).  You are all angels! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

THANK YOU!!

First and foremost I have to say THANK YOU for all your support and prayers!  THE PRAYERS ARE WORKING!  Yesterday went as well as it possibly could!!
I went into the operating room with a great attitude and made sure I heard everyone in there laughing before I went under.  How could anything go wrong with everyone so happy, right??  It was even cute, Dr. Ryan said we were both lucky because of who the anesthesiologist was, she takes great care with her patients and to his benefit, she's beautiful!!  Not sure I wanted the competition in the operating room but I feel in love with her the moment I met her.  (I think he's got a secret crush on her) LOL
Now, when I woke up I was a train wreck!  I was in pain and beyond emotional, all I could do was cry.  The nurses were so sweet explaining that was a normal response but I looked around and didn't see anyone else crying??  LOL  Apparently, the reality of all this is starting to settle in and become very real for me.  Real pain and real emotions.  Needless to say, I didn't feel very well the rest of the day.  This surgery was much more involved than I had expected.  I assumed a couple cameras going in couldn't hurt that bad.  WRONG!  My muscles are so sore like I had a c-section on top of my stomach.........What's up with that??  And I thought I was going to be ready for a 10 course meal but due to the nausea I could barely drink sips of water.  Hmm, not much of a Dukan diet day, that's for sure.  Thank you for the cards, phone calls, text messages, Tim and I are both overwhelmed with amazing support and I know it's all the prayers on my behalf that are having an impact on this journey.  Dr. Ryan didn't see anything yesterday that indicated the cancer has spread, but won't know for sure until the biopsy comes back tomorrow.  Dr. Picozzi (my oncologist) will have the results at our appointment tomorrow.  I'm so grateful for all that I have that it's hard for me to pray for myself.....it seems selfish to ask for anything more than God has already given me, so I appreciate your prayers more than you possibly know!!  I have been praying for Karen (one of Tim's friends that just had a tumor removed from her brain last week) and for Leyah in our office who is out on medical leave.  They need the prayers just as much as I do.  I want to have everyone over and give them a huge hug but know I'm such an emotional mess right now, I'm not good company.  Please know I love you so much and feel as though I'm the luckiest person in the world to have you all in my corner.  I told my Dad last night that I know once I'm done with this journey I will probably know a better place to support the fight against cancer than ACS.  I really want to make a bigger ripple in helping and am sure this journey will teach me one.  I know each of you is fighting your own battle in your life and the fact that you take time to care and pray for me, is amazing!!  Hope I get to see you soon, and thank you too for helping Tim, this is hard on him but he's being so strong for me.  I'm so blessed to have him love me so much as well as all of you.  LIVE WITH PASSION~DJ

Today's the BIG Day!

OMG I feel so awesome!!! I just weighed myself and I'm down 7 lbs!!  OK, now I guess that cherry flavored laxative doesn't seem so bad.......That stuff flushes every ounce of crap in your body out of you all day long........Unbelievable how much our bodies store in our intestines.  Today is a great day and I know surgery will go awesome and am so excited to get the news that my cancer is all contained within the tumor.  I've got my medical power of attorney ready to go and just waiting for everyone to wake up so we can go!  All I can think about is a meal, a big fat juicy meal!  Although, it will be all protein, at this point, I'm happy with that!  I think this Dukan thing is going to work well for me.  Really makes me realize how much of a carb junkie I am!  LOL  I am so deeply touched by all the support of my friends on facebook and the office, it's just been so touching!  I am soooooooo blessed beyond words!  I just love everyone so much!!!  Big Group Hug! LIVE WITH PASSION~DJ

Day Before Surgery

I actually felt good when I woke up today, anxious to get back to work but after drinking that 12 oz. of cherry flavored salty laxative required, I feel HORRIBLE.  I am not sure which end this is going to come flushing out though, UGH!  LOL  You're welcome for that visual LOL 
Tim and I started at our diet together........so far so good although Tim didn't like my oat bran pancakes (not going to win any recipe contest with them but it was a good bread substitute or so I thought. LOL
My spirits are good and am sure surgery will go great tomorrow and I expect positive feedback when I wake up to learn that the cancer cells have NOT spread!!  Pray extra hard tonight!!  Thank you again everyone for your comments, suggestions and all your love!  I have the most amazing friends!! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Soggy Saturday

..Somehow when the sunshine left, so did my energy.  I ended up sleeping most of today.  We had an incredible evening with my immediate family so I got to bed later than usual.  I didn't feel good most of the day, woke up feeling bloated and pressure and it just progressively got worse as the day went on.  Tonight I got a little emotional with Tim, in the back of my mind I'm scared.  Scared that my treatment is so aggressive that it will make me sick and my biggest fear is not being able to work.  Thursday just can't get here soon enough.........starting my list of questions for the oncologist so I don't forget to ask them while I'm there.  I did some research and my oncologist Dr. Picozzi actually played a major role in this special VMP treatment for pancreas cancer so it just reassures me that I'm in the best care available!  Tim and I start our diet tomorrow (goal is for me to drop 30 lbs. before surgery in a couple months).  I really do want to make my Whipple surgery as easy as possible for Dr. Ryan since the location is challenging enough.  Hope tomorrow is a pain free day!!  Two more pain pills down and off to bed.  LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

T.G.I.F.

WOW~ Expected to break 70 degrees today!  We're almost getting to sunscreen weather!!  I slept well last night.  Tim and I had dinner over at my parents house and when I say house, I mean 40' Motor Coach.  It was fun, it was like camping yet watching American Idol on a flat screen at the same time (You go Lauren!).  MaMa Lou (my step-mother) is always a great hostess, she made spaghetti and salad and we had couple good bottles of wine.  YES ~ I drank!  Life is too short not to drink good wine.
I'm super excited to see Tanner tonight!  He and Amanda are coming over for a family BBQ and my nephew Jon will be joining us too!  Just want Tanner to see I'm doing well and assure him he needs to stay focused on school.  They leave to go back to Pullman for summer school in the morning. I'm dying to see the pics from their Jamaica trip!!  Tim's picking up a table for our nook today so we'll have seating for 4 more now.  Funny, we had 3 tables at the old house and none here???  LOL  I received a card yesterday from Tim's brother and wife (THANK YOU) and added to my display on the mantel to keep reminding me how lucky I am to be loved so much!!  I know I have not accepted that I might be getting very sick here shortly but believe my mind can overcome anything ~ even chemo!! Ryan still calling daily to check on me, it's so sweet.  Please take a moment and really be grateful for your health!  Without it, you really don't have much. LIVE WITH PASSION!

Another Beautiful Day!

I feel GREAT today!  I had another good night with little medication and feel wonderful today.......even drove into the office topless!!  Tanner and I talked on the phone last night (he's still in Jamaica) but flying home today and I think just knowing he knows, has taken some weight off my shoulders. 
I also had a great talk with our owner and he is of course very supportive.  Still trying to figure out the best time to release this to the rest of office, so will put that off till next week.
It is soooooooo nice having my parents here to lean on.  I love them so much and feel so blessed they are in a situation where they could come up here and help so all this back and forth to hospital won't fall on Tim since he has to work too.  SOMEBODY HAS TO BRING HOME THE BACON!  LOL  I am really optimistic though and hope the chemo won't affect me too much so I can work through most of this journey. Bringing up the weights tonight and going to get back on a regular work out routine, need to shed some weight before surgery in 2 months (Dr's orders!)  Tim and I plan to start the Dukan Diet this weekend!!  SKINNY ME HERE I COME!!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

I heart Dr. Ryan!

First, I have to say I LOVE my surgeon (Dr. Ryan).  He has a great bedside manner and promised to give me the best care and attention Virginia Mason has to offer.  You should have heard the amazing letter he dictated to my family Dr. Byrne thanking him for catching this so early and getting me to Virginia Mason so quickly.  IMPRESSIVE!!!!
Next step is the Laparoscopy surgery next Tuesday which will tell them if any of the cancer cells have spread followed by beginning my treatment plan with my oncologist next Thursday (could be in chemo as early as Friday).  Most likely will have a couple months of chemo/radiation, then Whipple surgery to remove the tumor, with few more months of chemo.  He told me to expect at least a six month journey.  UGH
My parents are here so it's comforting and takes a lot of stress of Tim.  I'll feel better after my owner knows and I have the opportunity to tell Tanner.
I've got some new pain meds and ambien to help me sleep so now I just need to accept this is a longer journey than I wanted.  Obviously I have a 100 chemo questions so guess I have another week to those answers.  Dr. said I need to work out, be strong, and fit as possible before surgery so hope to start a diet tomorrow with Tim.  Always easier when you have a partner in crime!
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Biopsy Results

As suspected, biopsy confirms pancreas adenocarcinoma (tumor in my pancreas)..........soooooooooooo moving right along as planned and will meet surgeon tomorrow morning and find out what the game plan is from here and meet my Oncologist thursday the 26th.
Feeling much better today than yesterday, still tired but you can't possibly feel bad on a sunny day in Seattle!  It's uncivilized!
Thank you all so much for the suggestions and I'm probably going to ask for a perscription of some sort to help me sleep at night.  I know how important it is for my body to get rest so we can beat this thing and my crazy little mind just does not want to shut off.  LOL  Information overload I guess??
I think I did better not eating dinner so going to stick to that program!!  I also think I'll just feel a lot better when I know what the program is, when we start, etc.  Will tell Tanner and my owner on Thursday but keeping this completely out of the office for now so still no facebooking please!  It's better that way, because when I come here nobody knows so it's a normal work day and I can get busy and forget I have cancer which is best for me!!
Watch me!!  I'm kicking cancer's ass!  LOL
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

Rough Start to the week....

I didn't get any sleep last night as I just couldn't get comfortable with the pain once it set in.  Also noticed it's changing and more sharper now that it's ever been.  I just have not got my get up and go today at all. Going to avoid dinner tonight to give my pancreas a break and see if that helps, and hit the sack early so maybe I can catch up on sleep and get some rest for a change.
Called Virginia Mason to let them know about the change in my symptoms and spent quite a bit of time with the nurse on the phone.  She suggested being more proactive with the pain medication and sticking to a very bland nonfat diet and more importantly, drinking A LOT OF WATER which I haven't been doing lately.  She's consulting with the Dr. that did my endoscopy on Friday and is going to call me back and let me know how to proceed.  I told her I thought a lot of this is from physical and emotional anxiety and she explained my body is going through a really difficult time right now, and of course I'm feeling emotional and drained.  It's nice to know this is normal, even though it's not normal for me. LOL 
Off to a listing appointment at 3 in Federal Way!!
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ

Vicoden is My Friend

For someone who hates to take medicine, never thought I'd be so glad they made this one.  LOL  I'm anxious to learn how they're going to treat my pancreatitis while attacking the cancer since the pancreatitis is what's causing all this pain.  Hoping I don't end up a drug addict at the end of this journey. LOL  I rested most of today and let the recent news sink in.  I think it's still so hard to believe, I was so convinced they'd be able to do surgery right away and just take this out. :(   Excited to see my parents next week, and Ryan called me and is going to try and come up for Memorial weekend so having my family here at our new house will be just priceless!  Really want to thank you all so much for your loving thoughts and prayers...and yes, I know about the pancreas symposium in Seattle next week.  Not something I can attend, but thank you for letting me know about it.  Tim and I are talking about having a BBQ pot luck here at the house so you all can visit and see our new crib before I get too sick (will wait and set the date after we meet with the Dr. on Wednesday and know the treatment plan). LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Endoscopy

Yesterday was a L O N G day, couldn't eat or drink anything all day long so was a Ms. GrumpyPants going in. LOL  The gals in the operating room were awesome and fell inlove with my eyelashes so I had them jump on MeMeandCompany website and make sure they ask for Frannie...few of them want eyelashes just like mine!  LOL Here's what I know, at least one of the blood markers came in indicating this IS cancer and one of the other tests confirmed pancreatitis. Bad news is the tumor is slightly attached to the artery so they are going to have to shrink it first before they can operate.  Good news, it doesn't appear as though the cancer has spread.  Just resting today (my throat and esophagus are killing me) and back to work tomorrow.  Rest of the results from the ultra sound and biopsy will be in my next Tuesday. LIFE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

BIG DAY TODAY!

Blogger went down yesterday so I'm behind but will get you caught up.  I had a great consult yesterday with the PA on my team and Dr. Jiranek who's performing my endoscopy procedure today.  They even showed me my actual catscan and explained everything to me and what they are most concerned about and why.  Biggest concern at this point is the location of the tumor.  It's dangerously close to a main artery so they need to determine if it is even operable. They won't be able to operate if it's attached or too close to the main artery, so will try to reduce it with chemo and radiation to a size that will allow them to remove it once it's far enough from the main artery.  They took A LOT of blood work yesterday and chest x-ray to insure my lungs are well enough to undergo surgery.  (I have bad asthma so that's why they're checking).  Sounds like we will know a lot more by Tuesday when all the results from today's procedure will come in.  From what I understand I will be out of it after the endoscopy today so will probably not get a chance to write again until later on Saturday to let you know what we learned and how I did.  I can tell you this, I HAVE AN AWESOME MEDICAL TEAM working on my case.  They are the best and people come from all over the country to be treated for pancreas cancer here so I'm in very good hands.  Praying hard that the tumor is operable so they can just remove it right away!  LIVE WITH PASSION! ~DJ

Careful What You Wish For!

WOW! In a matter of minutes, we went from low idle to warp speed.  MOVE OVER CANCER, I'M COMING IN HOT!!  LOL  Virginia Mason called today with a game plan:  Consultation with PA Thursday (as in TODAY) at 2:15 along with lab work and chest x-ray.  Friday Endoscopic Ultrasound Procedure. Next Wednesday (18th) meet with Dr. Ryan, Tuesday (24th) Laparascopy Surgery, Thursday (26th) meeting with Dr. Picozzi (my oncologist).  There was mention of chemo treatment prior to surgery and location of the mass not being in a good area but good news it's it is not wrapped around anything yet.  Sooooooo, let's get this party started!  My Dad and step mom are hitting the road tomorrow in their RV (in Alabama) so should be here next week.  Tanner took off for Jamaica tonight so I'm thrilled the news did not leak to him.  You think you have questions??  I feel a bit sorry for this PA tomorrow because I'm going in with pages of them!  LOL  Tim will be by my side every appointment but thank you to all of you who have offered to go with me.  I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!  Don't worry, there's no way a little piece of cancer can take over this redneck!!  I love all your posts, thank you thank you thank you, they make me smile!  LIVE WITH PASSION! DJ

FINALLY LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

I just got a call from Virginia Mason letting me know they have received my health history/profile from Group Health and they have requested my full catscan be sent electronically so the surgeons can review and access which way to proceed which she said is one of two methods.........DOOR #1 Schedule surgery and remove the mass DOOR #2 Biopsy Endoscopy.  Honestly, I'm not sure which one to hope for??  LOL
I am BEYOND relieved to finally be in the system and know that they will call me tomorrow to set up a series of appointments to begin my treatment/care.  YEA!!!!!  Margaritas on the house for everyone please!!  BIG GROUP HUG!!! XOXOXOXO
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

Progress!

I called the general surgery at Virginia Mason this morning and spoke with a nice gentleman that took all my information and is going to consult with the person that oversees all surgery and then he will call me back and get me scheduled for my biopsy!  I explained I didn't have time to wait for some referral to be processed, I need to get on the scheudle PRONTO. He even said until they do the biopsy, they won't know for sure if it's cancer or not...........so I'm hoping for an amazing outcome here!!  PRAY!!!  LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

Rough Monday

Well, yesterday didn't go as planned.  The anxiously waited for phone call from the surgeon's office never came.  Instead, my Dr. called to inform me that the surgeon he referred me too needed him to refer me outside my healthcare system to one of two specialist in Virginia Mason (Seattle) that specialize in Pancreas Cancer.  Well, since my Dr. was out of the office Friday-Sunday, he didn't get the request until yesterday so back to the drawing board waiting for my healthcare provider to push my paperwork through their system.  I decided to call customer service and explain to them that I had already waited four days and needed the referral rushed.  The gal showed no mercy and said I just have to wait my 2-4 days for it to get processed.  Even after I asked her how would she feel if she was told she had cancer.  Still, "mam you just have to wait 2-4 days.  Needless to say I feel apart..............drove straight to Heather's house and drank wine and let my emotions out.  At this point, I feel like I'm just a name and a number a piece of paper being shuffled through some system.  I decided to email my Dr. one more time begging for his help.  He in turn called me twice last night explaining that I need to be very assertive in getting this appointment ASAP.  He went on to explain this is pancreas cancer and time is NOT on my side.  Today, I'm jumping ahead and calling both surgeons and scheduling a consultation assuming that by the time I get in to see one of them, my referral will be processed.  I'm really hoping today goes better than yesterday.  In the meantime, my Dr. is scheduling me for an upper GI ultra sound so they can get a better look at my pancreas.  This will be helpful for which ever surgeon is assigned to me.  I'm optimistic that I'm going to be in very good hands, it's just getting in them that is so frustrating.  My Dr. also told me to call him if I run into any more walls and he'll do what he can, although he has no control over the schedules at Virginia Mason.  I really feel like getting in to see one of these surgeons sooner rather than later is going to be the difference of beating this thing or it beating me!  LIVE WITH PASSION!
(thank you Heather for being there for me and getting me calm down)
DJ

Monday Morning....

Still anxiously waiting to hear from the surgeon.  However, my Dr. did call me this morning to respond to the list of questions I had emailed him on Friday.  Unfortunately, he couldn't answer most of them.  He's perscribing some pain medication to get me through this, so that's good!  However, when I asked if this was for SURE cancer, he replied that it would be extremely rarests of rares if it wasn't based on my Catscan so he told me to be mentally prepared for the worse.  He also said he'd make another phone call to follow up on my referral since I've not heard from anyone yet on getting my surgery scheduled.  I'm on pins and needles just waiting for my phone to ring today.  I'd settle for anyone that wants to buy or sell a house though.  LOL
The support from family and friends has been amazing.........reminding me of how lucky I am to be loved by so many people!!  Thank you so much everyone for your prayers and support.  I don't really know what's in store and what I'll need when, but I do know I need lots and lots of prayers! 
Mother's Day is always a very emotional day for me so I didn't write.  I wasn't feeling well most of the day but did get to have a wonderful breakfast with Tanner, and Ryan called me several times throughout the day.  These two boys are my lifeline so for them............I WILL SURVIVE!! 
Live With Passion,
DJ

the day after

Yesterday seemed to be one of the longest days of my life.  Anyone that knows me knows I don't have a patient bone in my body.  That phone call from the referred surgeon just could not come quick enough...in fact, it didn't come at all. Now I know I have the weekend ahead of me with no news and no plan.  It's OK though!!  I also never heard back any answers to the questions I emailed my Dr.  I must have checked my phone for emails every 5 minutes yesterday ~ it was insane!!
On a positive note, last night was the first night in about 3 weeks that I didn't have ANY pain!!  I have made the decision to be positive and optimistic about this new journey we're on.  I say we, because you all know I don't do anything alone. LOL  Well, OK maybe a couple things, but you know what I mean.
Tim and I celebrated this new beginning with margaritas and Mexican food (my favorite).  To date, I think that is the most important toast in my life.
God has put me on this journey for a reason and I believe its to bring new people and new possibilities into my life to make it better.  I know he's given me all the power within as well as the most amazing family and group of friends who will help me every step of the way.  I'm blessed beyond words.  I wish everyone had as much love in their life as me, then everyone would be happy and we'd all get along.  Hmm, guess that's another blog all of it's own. LOL
Tim bought be some good vitamins that I have to take twice a day, and trust me, he'll make sure that I do, and he also has me back on my Popeye juice (veges juice through our Jack Juicer) so I'm going to take better care of myself as I just know there's a SKINNY Dawn at this end of this journey!
Telling Ryan was hard, although his gut had already told him something was wrong so the news didn't completely surprise him.  I worry about him which is why he and Tanner are my two biggest reasons to fight harder for this than I ever have in my life.....I am their rock.  Thank you for all your prayers!!  I appreciate them as do all my friends and family!! LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

Day One...

It was less than an hour after my catscan when my Dr. called me to share the results of my test on Cinco De Mayo.  I was stunned to receive a phone call so quickly after the test???  I had only been home about 10 minutes when I got the call.  He mentioned it was not good news and I have to be honest...I didn't hear much after pancreas adenocarcenoma..........
I immediately called my Dad and shared the gloomy news and I think I remained in shock for several hours and worried about how to tell Tim as well as my two sons.  Second phone call was to my best friend Carmen who has already held my hand to hell and back a few times.  She has been my anchor since my Mother died in 1999, and my best friend since 1991 (I met her at my 10 year high school reunion).
How do you tell your children you're up against the fight of your life FOR your life??  There will never be a right time or the right words..................Tanner leaves for vacation next week so I'll wait until he returns so I don't spoil his vacation.  Ryan I'll call tonight (not looking forward to it).
For now..........I'm impatiently waiting for a call from the referred surgeon to schedule surgery (biopsy on my pancreas) so we can learn exactly what this journey ahead has in store for us!
I don't know who will follow this blog, if anyone, but this is the most emotional journey I've incurred and I'm a writer by nature so need to put this journey into words one moment at a time and this is the best way I can think of to do that. LIFE WITH PASSION!