So I'm busy getting ready for my 30 year high school class reunion last night and I have this Epiphany! If my mouth tastes so bad (like a mouth full of dimes) and everything else that comes out of my body smells like metal...........then I can only imagine how bad my breath must be too! So I start to panic and chew gum like some trailer park girl in the barns of Alabama. LOL I wonder how my people my breath has offended in my office.............LOL Anyway, just wanted to share that thought, I know probably too much information but I warned you.
The reunion was lovely................incredible location, food was good, but the company was amazing! If you were wondering where are the beautiful people were last night, they were a the Tacoma Yacht Club!! Aside from my face peeling, eye watering, and some fatigue, I felt as good as I could for the night, and even made it to 10:30pm which is a record for me yet. Everyone was so kind and nice and generous. Brenda Lee brought me a stunning bouquet of beautiful roses when it should have been me giving them to her!! I have them in my kitchen window to savor up!!!!!!! Angela took this big flower bling ring off her finger and put it on my finger for chemo days...........I LOVE IT, in fact I know I will wear this a lot more than just on chemo days...........but what a nice reminder of the girlfriends past we had. We were connected at the hip and at a time in the world where it seemed like all we had was each other. The rest of the world didn't matter. We created our own private place to get us through our difficult times back in junior high school.
I got a full night sleep last night with Lunesta...............Just feel heavy today, maybe it's not all worn off since I took it so late from getting home from the reunion. I can see I really need to start exercising, no matter how little or how hard it is. It's getting harder and harder to get up the stairs, like some little old granny at the end of the day. I may try walking around the block at work at lunch everyday when it's nice just to get my legs moving. Every little bit will help I think.
Sprint had to do a hard reset on my phone yesterday so I'm lost with out some numbers again and have to wait for Tim and Sylena to get home to put back on the Dawn mojo that made it my phone for me.............so if you don't hear from me today and were expecting too, that's why..........it's like the phone just rolled out of the box. UGH!
Today is a brand new day............be the person you want to be today! Be kinder and expect more kindness out of others and see how it changes the outcome of your day! Kindness is such a simple gesture.........start by smiling!!!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday is the BIG day!
No chemo tomorrow (thank GOD!) but we have lots of tests at the hospital that should confirm our positive progress. I of course am most excited to hear the word "OPERABLE". Oh, I know I still have months of chemo left, but just having that piece of mind for a smooth surgery ahead in December will just make me feel better on the inside. I know perhaps too optimistic but it's OK..........we are doing great no matter what.
As usual, week #2 of chemo completely kicked my ass............this time the new side affect of Freddie Kruger mouth and throat was just a bit too much for me. Today is day #3 on some new meds that are just starting to work. I'm red as a beet so put myself back on the steroids to handle that so hopefully will look human for work tomorrow. I stayed in bed most the day today............lot of nausea and tummy troubles. I have not eaten much in the past three days (-10 lbs), but today got some solid foods in me, just enough to make me sick. LOL Although it didn't feel good, taste good, or look good...........at least I got a little nutrition. Much needed nutrition.
I stopped my Emerald Smoothie. They make a lean out drink there with banana and peanut butter with protein that just might be my salvation on this food journey. The cold feels great on my throat and I can actually get some of it down. Pat (the owner there in Federal Way) was also gracious enough to give me a can of energy drink that is for chemo patients. I'm not an energy drink gal but will give it a whirl when I feel better and see if it helps me in any way. He wanted me to keep him posted.............but what a nice guy just wanting to help me. I am sure he could clearly see I was having a horrible day. LOL Anyway, I just met him today and was deeply touched by his generosity.
Speaking of generosity..........I just have to thank Mandy and all the staff at MeMeandcompany for all their love and support in helping me get through the hard physical affects. Everyone is donating and helping me in every way that they can................like little angels flying around the salon. Anxious to move my nail service there and convert to the new shalak everyone is hyped about! That will be next month!! No more gels for me!
I'm enjoying the peace and quiet in the house...............nobody or anything to constantly be cleaning up after. LOL The cleanliness cleans my mind.........funny how that works. LOL My neighbors even brought my garage cans up for me yesterday...................how sweet is that???
I'm telling you, I run into an angel everywhere I go..................I feel so blessed. Oh, I'm frustrated missing work and being attached to the bed, but I guess if your body has to rest, it just collapses on you and says, I'm all done today girl............you ain't goin no where! LOL and so I listen.
The miracle mouthwash, as gross as it is, is working..........I can tell I have fewer sores now and the mouth is just now starting to heal................still a week left on the meds but at least we have a little improvement.
I wish you all peace and good health tonight.............and all the wonderful things I miss...............tasting, appetite, smiling, laughing, etc.........the list goes on forever but you get my point.
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ
As usual, week #2 of chemo completely kicked my ass............this time the new side affect of Freddie Kruger mouth and throat was just a bit too much for me. Today is day #3 on some new meds that are just starting to work. I'm red as a beet so put myself back on the steroids to handle that so hopefully will look human for work tomorrow. I stayed in bed most the day today............lot of nausea and tummy troubles. I have not eaten much in the past three days (-10 lbs), but today got some solid foods in me, just enough to make me sick. LOL Although it didn't feel good, taste good, or look good...........at least I got a little nutrition. Much needed nutrition.
I stopped my Emerald Smoothie. They make a lean out drink there with banana and peanut butter with protein that just might be my salvation on this food journey. The cold feels great on my throat and I can actually get some of it down. Pat (the owner there in Federal Way) was also gracious enough to give me a can of energy drink that is for chemo patients. I'm not an energy drink gal but will give it a whirl when I feel better and see if it helps me in any way. He wanted me to keep him posted.............but what a nice guy just wanting to help me. I am sure he could clearly see I was having a horrible day. LOL Anyway, I just met him today and was deeply touched by his generosity.
Speaking of generosity..........I just have to thank Mandy and all the staff at MeMeandcompany for all their love and support in helping me get through the hard physical affects. Everyone is donating and helping me in every way that they can................like little angels flying around the salon. Anxious to move my nail service there and convert to the new shalak everyone is hyped about! That will be next month!! No more gels for me!
I'm enjoying the peace and quiet in the house...............nobody or anything to constantly be cleaning up after. LOL The cleanliness cleans my mind.........funny how that works. LOL My neighbors even brought my garage cans up for me yesterday...................how sweet is that???
I'm telling you, I run into an angel everywhere I go..................I feel so blessed. Oh, I'm frustrated missing work and being attached to the bed, but I guess if your body has to rest, it just collapses on you and says, I'm all done today girl............you ain't goin no where! LOL and so I listen.
The miracle mouthwash, as gross as it is, is working..........I can tell I have fewer sores now and the mouth is just now starting to heal................still a week left on the meds but at least we have a little improvement.
I wish you all peace and good health tonight.............and all the wonderful things I miss...............tasting, appetite, smiling, laughing, etc.........the list goes on forever but you get my point.
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ
Monday, July 25, 2011
Dear God,
I've been thinking about you a lot today. Why? Probably because today is one of the harder days you've placed before me. I've been pretty sick since Friday and just today got some new meds from the Dr. that will hopefully pave the way to a healthier throat/mouth so I can actually smile again.
I still can't tell you why I'm here today on this path. However, I know you are making me stronger, even though if feels like you're trying to kill me. My spirit is so crushed. My inside smile is so buried within all this pain and agony that it gets harder and harder each day to find the strength to keep moving forward. I know I know I know the light is shining at the end of this tunnel. It's just from where I am today, the tunnel seems too long.
I am reminded of all that I have taken for granted for soooooooooo long. #1 being my health. This waking up to tears and constant watering of the eyes is like a cleansing of everything I used to take for granted. Even typing on a keyboard now hurts my nail beds. It's so many little things, too many to even list out. However, I want everyone to know how lucky they are to have the gift of health, even if it's not perfect health. Being able to wake up and smile every day, even if you don't want too, is a miracle! Nobody should take that for granted, ever.
If I had 3 wishes, my first one would be good health for everyone. I realize without it, your life is different. I know there are people in the hospital going through chemo with much much worse than me, so I should feel blessed that I'm even able to get out bed and go to work each day. I just miss me. I miss the abundance of energy and happiness. I just want the old me back.
My next wish is for your strength. I need you now more than ever. I thought when Mom died that would be the worse thing I would ever have to go through. This is different though. This wears on your soul and spirit. It changes the dynamics of each day and how you see and breathe. I need your help to face each day with hope and not fear. It seems with each chemo I get weaker and some new horrible side affect surfaces that is so dramatic. I'm hoping the $130 worth of new medications will attack my mouth and throat and this is simply a minor detour and not part of my normal routine until Nov. 3rd (my last day of chemo) before surgery.
My 3rd wish is that this hardship will create a huge positive ripple on other's lives. I can not go through this without some purpose. Some higher purpose that I just know you must intend for me to complete. There may not be an ending, but the journey and the story must inspire and motivate and help others. This can't be just for me. Please guide me along this path, and hold me when I can't hold myself.
I'm grateful dear God for all the people you have wrapped around my life to take this journey with me. For, as you know, I could not do this alone. I'm so grateful to have my Dad and MamaLou so close. We have spent a lifetime across the miles, and now our love and this journey brings us closer and they are my salvation.
My friends are the most amazing people I've ever met. However, I didn't need to get cancer to be reminded of that. I have been very conscience of who I surround myself with. I've always told my boys, careful who you spend the most time with, you become the seven people you hang around the most. Well, I have more than a seven, but they are your gifts. I love them with all my heart and will carry this journey for them, so they never have too. Remember, that is our DEAL!!!!
I love you first and foremost and am just reaching out to you because I need you so much. I feel broken and I don't like it. When I get to that point of shutting people out so I can be alone, it's because I'm weak and I need my time with you. Please hold me tonight so that I feel rested and better for a new tomorrow.
Please help the medicines do their job so I can function and continue to be there for others in whatever capacity they may need me, even if just for a smile.
I know I have a long road and I'm not giving up. I'm just at a speed bump and want to hold your hand tighter than usual. I'm afraid I can't take as much as you think I can. Why do you think I am this strong? For crying out loud.........it's not that I don't trust you, I know you will not give me more than I can bear.........please give me strength now.
Today, Annie in my office brought me a beautiful cross that I just wanted to kiss the minute she handed it to me. It's more like a charm to hang in my office but I wanted to put it around my neck it was so pretty and made me feel close to you. There's even a little charm on it that says "HOPE"..... Of all the days for her to bring it to me, it fell on the day I have felt I needed you the most, as of yet. Funny how you work in mysterious ways...............she was a messenger from you to me. God I love you so much!
I have all the hope in the world..............but with the daily grind of symptoms and side affects, comes some fear and this is where I need you to keep me strong, OK?
So my top 3 prayer wishes,
#1 Good Health for everyone
#2 Your strength to get through this journey peacefully
#3 Positive ripple for others
Through Jesus Christ, AMEN
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ
I still can't tell you why I'm here today on this path. However, I know you are making me stronger, even though if feels like you're trying to kill me. My spirit is so crushed. My inside smile is so buried within all this pain and agony that it gets harder and harder each day to find the strength to keep moving forward. I know I know I know the light is shining at the end of this tunnel. It's just from where I am today, the tunnel seems too long.
I am reminded of all that I have taken for granted for soooooooooo long. #1 being my health. This waking up to tears and constant watering of the eyes is like a cleansing of everything I used to take for granted. Even typing on a keyboard now hurts my nail beds. It's so many little things, too many to even list out. However, I want everyone to know how lucky they are to have the gift of health, even if it's not perfect health. Being able to wake up and smile every day, even if you don't want too, is a miracle! Nobody should take that for granted, ever.
If I had 3 wishes, my first one would be good health for everyone. I realize without it, your life is different. I know there are people in the hospital going through chemo with much much worse than me, so I should feel blessed that I'm even able to get out bed and go to work each day. I just miss me. I miss the abundance of energy and happiness. I just want the old me back.
My next wish is for your strength. I need you now more than ever. I thought when Mom died that would be the worse thing I would ever have to go through. This is different though. This wears on your soul and spirit. It changes the dynamics of each day and how you see and breathe. I need your help to face each day with hope and not fear. It seems with each chemo I get weaker and some new horrible side affect surfaces that is so dramatic. I'm hoping the $130 worth of new medications will attack my mouth and throat and this is simply a minor detour and not part of my normal routine until Nov. 3rd (my last day of chemo) before surgery.
My 3rd wish is that this hardship will create a huge positive ripple on other's lives. I can not go through this without some purpose. Some higher purpose that I just know you must intend for me to complete. There may not be an ending, but the journey and the story must inspire and motivate and help others. This can't be just for me. Please guide me along this path, and hold me when I can't hold myself.
I'm grateful dear God for all the people you have wrapped around my life to take this journey with me. For, as you know, I could not do this alone. I'm so grateful to have my Dad and MamaLou so close. We have spent a lifetime across the miles, and now our love and this journey brings us closer and they are my salvation.
My friends are the most amazing people I've ever met. However, I didn't need to get cancer to be reminded of that. I have been very conscience of who I surround myself with. I've always told my boys, careful who you spend the most time with, you become the seven people you hang around the most. Well, I have more than a seven, but they are your gifts. I love them with all my heart and will carry this journey for them, so they never have too. Remember, that is our DEAL!!!!
I love you first and foremost and am just reaching out to you because I need you so much. I feel broken and I don't like it. When I get to that point of shutting people out so I can be alone, it's because I'm weak and I need my time with you. Please hold me tonight so that I feel rested and better for a new tomorrow.
Please help the medicines do their job so I can function and continue to be there for others in whatever capacity they may need me, even if just for a smile.
I know I have a long road and I'm not giving up. I'm just at a speed bump and want to hold your hand tighter than usual. I'm afraid I can't take as much as you think I can. Why do you think I am this strong? For crying out loud.........it's not that I don't trust you, I know you will not give me more than I can bear.........please give me strength now.
Today, Annie in my office brought me a beautiful cross that I just wanted to kiss the minute she handed it to me. It's more like a charm to hang in my office but I wanted to put it around my neck it was so pretty and made me feel close to you. There's even a little charm on it that says "HOPE"..... Of all the days for her to bring it to me, it fell on the day I have felt I needed you the most, as of yet. Funny how you work in mysterious ways...............she was a messenger from you to me. God I love you so much!
I have all the hope in the world..............but with the daily grind of symptoms and side affects, comes some fear and this is where I need you to keep me strong, OK?
So my top 3 prayer wishes,
#1 Good Health for everyone
#2 Your strength to get through this journey peacefully
#3 Positive ripple for others
Through Jesus Christ, AMEN
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Some really bad affects kicking in...
My throat has not recovered since chemo on Thursday.............it feels all swollen up, hurts and I think I have thrush all the way down..............UGH. Nothing seems to tone it down making eating a chore. No more meals for me for awhile, just cereal and ice cream. UGH which both taste horrible but gotta get something down the pipes. Plus now I have two cold sores on the side of my mouth that really hurt...............I've never had them before, OUCH!!! Feels like someone sliced a razor along the edge of my mouth.
I'm just resting today, not even getting out of my nightshirt since I have no energy. It's a beautiful day but I just want the house clean for the week while Tim and Sylena are gone so I can relax and rest as much as possible so I'm ready for my 30 year reunion on Friday after work!
Your life is still YOU life so you go enjoy this weather and make the most of each day you have that is healthy and make it as happy as you can!!!!!!! I'm run down right now so making this blog short...............I know you understand.
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
I'm just resting today, not even getting out of my nightshirt since I have no energy. It's a beautiful day but I just want the house clean for the week while Tim and Sylena are gone so I can relax and rest as much as possible so I'm ready for my 30 year reunion on Friday after work!
Your life is still YOU life so you go enjoy this weather and make the most of each day you have that is healthy and make it as happy as you can!!!!!!! I'm run down right now so making this blog short...............I know you understand.
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Life is RICH
Life really is amazing when you think of the ripple (good or bad) that you make in a day. I know that my purpose is not filled in a day i i have not inspired, motivated and put a smile on somebody face somewhere in my day. There are so many books out there about the purpose of your life or living your purpose, none of which I've read. LOL It's just I know I am happiest when I'm helping someone else, it's jut how I roll.
I thank you all for when you repost something I facebook, it's so nice to know that something I shared gets passed onto someone else. That's what we all need to so, is share more and love more. What's the point of hiding behind some wall being afraid to get hurt. Geez, being hurt is when you really access how deep you are capable of feeling, it cuts you open and you feel all that mush pout out LOL My goal is to let the mush out willingly in a positive way and not worry about the bleeding heart again.
I don't know why I have cancer. Never willl. That is just one of the many frustrations that comes with this journey. Really though, even if it was too much milk, red meat, carbs, whatever, or the air I was breathing when I was 13........................I can't go back and change what had lead me to here, anymore than you can change what has led you to where you are. The ONLY thing we can do with our life now where it is now, is LIVE it to it's fullest. You can change the person you are into the person you want to become. Not overnight, but one day at a time. Starting by being grateful!!!!!!!!!
If you have your health, or most of it...............you have an AMAZING life that is all yours to savor and share. Please don't let anyone detour you from the life you dream. Not even for a moment. Let the negative energy just roll off and go where it may be............don't let it fester or manifest itself inside of you. I'm not saying you can't have a bad day................we all have those, but keep them in check. One can lead to another and then next thing you know you've had a bad week, month, year.................check and balance my dear friends.
I miss food................I am really dreaming of a romantic dinner with Tim with some nice wine at the end of this journey. I miss the wine and cheese tastings we used to do.................I am sure I will savor food so much more and appreciate every single explosion of flavor one bite at a time. From a Dick's burger to a lobster dinner or Italian dinner we both love....................even my chicken mac and cheese is missed. Amazing how we take food for granted, even a Starbucks tastes like crap. I am however finding some flavor in nuts. LOL so looking into cereals with nuts in them and I do like the texture of the Harry David dark chocolate moose munch. Not that it tastes good like it know it does, but the texture and I can taste the nuts in it, so cracker jacks might work too. LOL
Now, about this facial I had this week thanks to http://www.envyonalki.com/ Trudy Muller was AMAZING. I have only had two facials in my life................both on vacation. One is Mexico and one in San Diego but neither compared to the pampering this gal gave my face. If you have never had a facial YOU MUST GO SEE HER IT WILL BLOW YOU MIND!!!!!!!!!! I came out feeling like I had a new face and was so relaxed...........her music was perfect the the aromatherapy was perfect. This is a 5 START place!!! conveniently located just a block off Alki. You won't regret this!!!
I'm sitting here in chemo now.............round II for this month. Hoping I don't get my ass kicked like it did last month but we'll see. I feel good coming in aside from a bit a nausea last night. Dr is late as usual so looks like we are going to be here for awhile....AGAIN LOL I enjoy the time with Dad though. I even entered a Hallmark contest and filled in their blank "BLANK is a special occasion contest yesterday to share my chemo dates with Dad story..............will see if anything comes of it. Would be nice to win the grad prize of $5000 and be on their commercial. LOL If I make it into the semi finals will need your help to vote for my story on facebook. LOL It always comes down to them building facebook awareness huh? LOL
OK............getting meds and then the cocktails..........over and out
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
I thank you all for when you repost something I facebook, it's so nice to know that something I shared gets passed onto someone else. That's what we all need to so, is share more and love more. What's the point of hiding behind some wall being afraid to get hurt. Geez, being hurt is when you really access how deep you are capable of feeling, it cuts you open and you feel all that mush pout out LOL My goal is to let the mush out willingly in a positive way and not worry about the bleeding heart again.
I don't know why I have cancer. Never willl. That is just one of the many frustrations that comes with this journey. Really though, even if it was too much milk, red meat, carbs, whatever, or the air I was breathing when I was 13........................I can't go back and change what had lead me to here, anymore than you can change what has led you to where you are. The ONLY thing we can do with our life now where it is now, is LIVE it to it's fullest. You can change the person you are into the person you want to become. Not overnight, but one day at a time. Starting by being grateful!!!!!!!!!
If you have your health, or most of it...............you have an AMAZING life that is all yours to savor and share. Please don't let anyone detour you from the life you dream. Not even for a moment. Let the negative energy just roll off and go where it may be............don't let it fester or manifest itself inside of you. I'm not saying you can't have a bad day................we all have those, but keep them in check. One can lead to another and then next thing you know you've had a bad week, month, year.................check and balance my dear friends.
I miss food................I am really dreaming of a romantic dinner with Tim with some nice wine at the end of this journey. I miss the wine and cheese tastings we used to do.................I am sure I will savor food so much more and appreciate every single explosion of flavor one bite at a time. From a Dick's burger to a lobster dinner or Italian dinner we both love....................even my chicken mac and cheese is missed. Amazing how we take food for granted, even a Starbucks tastes like crap. I am however finding some flavor in nuts. LOL so looking into cereals with nuts in them and I do like the texture of the Harry David dark chocolate moose munch. Not that it tastes good like it know it does, but the texture and I can taste the nuts in it, so cracker jacks might work too. LOL
Now, about this facial I had this week thanks to http://www.envyonalki.com/ Trudy Muller was AMAZING. I have only had two facials in my life................both on vacation. One is Mexico and one in San Diego but neither compared to the pampering this gal gave my face. If you have never had a facial YOU MUST GO SEE HER IT WILL BLOW YOU MIND!!!!!!!!!! I came out feeling like I had a new face and was so relaxed...........her music was perfect the the aromatherapy was perfect. This is a 5 START place!!! conveniently located just a block off Alki. You won't regret this!!!
I'm sitting here in chemo now.............round II for this month. Hoping I don't get my ass kicked like it did last month but we'll see. I feel good coming in aside from a bit a nausea last night. Dr is late as usual so looks like we are going to be here for awhile....AGAIN LOL I enjoy the time with Dad though. I even entered a Hallmark contest and filled in their blank "BLANK is a special occasion contest yesterday to share my chemo dates with Dad story..............will see if anything comes of it. Would be nice to win the grad prize of $5000 and be on their commercial. LOL If I make it into the semi finals will need your help to vote for my story on facebook. LOL It always comes down to them building facebook awareness huh? LOL
OK............getting meds and then the cocktails..........over and out
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Crazy Grateful
I am just so crazy grateful for all my facebook friends and all the outpouring of love and support from everyone that it just oozles out of me!
Anytime I get down and upset over one of these side affects like today..............my eyes are just puring with tears and I can hardly see, I think how lucky I am to be loved and have so many people praying for me. It fills me with what God intended us all to be filled up with and be giving every single day.........LOVE.
Did I mention you should be savoring you food.............LOL Gosh I miss my taste buds! I am however doing better getting water down since I was hypnotized ~ THANK YOU ALICIA!!!!!! If you have anything you need help overcoming, she's your gal! You won't regret one minute with this amazing woman no matter what you have to overcome!!!!!!!! contact her at 253 297-3699
Excited for my facial today.................you know my skin is soooooooooooooooooooo dry and my hands and feet are constantly peeling. Will be so nice to get this complimentary facial and get some deep moisture on my face again, even if only for a bit. www.EnvyonAlki.com is doing this complimentary for me from a referral of one of my agents here in the office. THANK YOU JILL!!!!!!!
I am working on another mailer..............need to get my inventory built back up for Fall. So if you know of anybody thinking of making a move this year..............please let me know. I have a full team in place for if/when I need the support so don't let my cancer detour you from using my real estate services. It's one of the best ways to help me, keep me working! Keeps me happy!
From the bottom of my heart.....................and even deeper than that! THANK YOU for your love and support. All these prayers are working and I know I have nothing to worry about other than tackling the daily affects of chemo. The light is shining brightly for me because of you at the end of this tunnel! and thank you just does not seem like enough, but it's all I have right now.
When I win the lottery, we're all going on an appreciation cruise together!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
Anytime I get down and upset over one of these side affects like today..............my eyes are just puring with tears and I can hardly see, I think how lucky I am to be loved and have so many people praying for me. It fills me with what God intended us all to be filled up with and be giving every single day.........LOVE.
Did I mention you should be savoring you food.............LOL Gosh I miss my taste buds! I am however doing better getting water down since I was hypnotized ~ THANK YOU ALICIA!!!!!! If you have anything you need help overcoming, she's your gal! You won't regret one minute with this amazing woman no matter what you have to overcome!!!!!!!! contact her at 253 297-3699
Excited for my facial today.................you know my skin is soooooooooooooooooooo dry and my hands and feet are constantly peeling. Will be so nice to get this complimentary facial and get some deep moisture on my face again, even if only for a bit. www.EnvyonAlki.com is doing this complimentary for me from a referral of one of my agents here in the office. THANK YOU JILL!!!!!!!
I am working on another mailer..............need to get my inventory built back up for Fall. So if you know of anybody thinking of making a move this year..............please let me know. I have a full team in place for if/when I need the support so don't let my cancer detour you from using my real estate services. It's one of the best ways to help me, keep me working! Keeps me happy!
From the bottom of my heart.....................and even deeper than that! THANK YOU for your love and support. All these prayers are working and I know I have nothing to worry about other than tackling the daily affects of chemo. The light is shining brightly for me because of you at the end of this tunnel! and thank you just does not seem like enough, but it's all I have right now.
When I win the lottery, we're all going on an appreciation cruise together!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
Monday, July 18, 2011
Amazing what we take for granted....
My workshop went so-so today. There were only 4 other women with cancer in there, two nice instructors, and two of the other cancer patients had friends with them. It was weird. It was like pulling teeth to carry a conversation with any of them, I guess they were not ready to talk or make friends. I quickly learned everyone has their own unique journey with cancer and handles communication quite differently. That includes me. I didn't learn anything new but got a few skin care items that I'll use. Most of the make up would not work for my skin tone even though I selected the medium one. I came out looking more like a clown since the colors were all off. LOL It was free what can I say?
We took my parents to the Southern Kitchen in Tacoma last night for dinner so they could enjoy some a southern home cooked meal for a change that they would not have to cook. Tim found it on Diner, Drives, and Dives with Guy. I thought is was as good as it could have been with my metal mouth but the wait was long and parents were not convinced any of it was from scratch. LOL I ate too much and my tummy has still be trying to recover. I have to eat tiny tiny meals or my stomach can't digest the food. High maintenance. UGH
I am overwhelmed at what we take for granted every day like eating. We just take for granted when we drink a cup of coffee that it will taste like coffee, chicken chicken, chocolate chocolate or whatever.............I am telling you it is WEIRD not being able to taste the taste of real food, good or bad. Washing your food down with dimes is so gross! I really look forward to food and beverages tasting like they should again. Water is the toughest and that is why I went to hypnosis, to help me get over that. Now trying to convince myself that all water taste like cranberry juice. I heart cranberry juice with no sugar added, not the flavored ones, just the straight up cranberry tart stuff!
Sun is out and so I'm going to cut this short and go for a walk, I think it will do me some good!
LIVE WITH PASSION AND SAVOR YOU FOOD! YOU ARE BLESSED!
DJ
We took my parents to the Southern Kitchen in Tacoma last night for dinner so they could enjoy some a southern home cooked meal for a change that they would not have to cook. Tim found it on Diner, Drives, and Dives with Guy. I thought is was as good as it could have been with my metal mouth but the wait was long and parents were not convinced any of it was from scratch. LOL I ate too much and my tummy has still be trying to recover. I have to eat tiny tiny meals or my stomach can't digest the food. High maintenance. UGH
I am overwhelmed at what we take for granted every day like eating. We just take for granted when we drink a cup of coffee that it will taste like coffee, chicken chicken, chocolate chocolate or whatever.............I am telling you it is WEIRD not being able to taste the taste of real food, good or bad. Washing your food down with dimes is so gross! I really look forward to food and beverages tasting like they should again. Water is the toughest and that is why I went to hypnosis, to help me get over that. Now trying to convince myself that all water taste like cranberry juice. I heart cranberry juice with no sugar added, not the flavored ones, just the straight up cranberry tart stuff!
Sun is out and so I'm going to cut this short and go for a walk, I think it will do me some good!
LIVE WITH PASSION AND SAVOR YOU FOOD! YOU ARE BLESSED!
DJ
Friday, July 15, 2011
skpshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........
THAT's the sound of me opening a can whip-ass on cancer. We are elated that my cancer marker came down from 178 to 21.5 yesterday! Talk about that light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter! I need to wear shades now!
I am feeling well, have all my prescriptions filled, have a happy pharmacy to do business with and I start hypnosis tomorrow with Alicia Talley of Hypnotherapy. She's helped me so much in the past with the challenges of my last divorce and I know she'll get me in full harmony with my chemotherapy. I'm excited to have her love, help and support on this journey, what a blessing!
I am also really excited to take the leap and attend a group class for women going through chemo and receive some professional training on all the physical changes we go through on this journey. I have not wanted to be around anyone with cancer, but with this last side affect of the over tearing of the eyes, I'm ready to see how others are dealing with the disconnect of who they see in the mirror every morning. Am sure I will learn lots in this 2 hour work shop over at Providence Cancer center and hopefully make some beautiful friends along the way.
No big weekend plans other that resting and letting my batteries recharge for the following work week. Busy trying to financially plan this journey out to the end of the year. My last chemo session is on Nov. 3rd with the 10th being another CT scan, full xrays and blood work up. They want a 4 week gap between my last chemo and surgery so that puts my earliest potential surgery date as December 1st, however Picozzi said that is negotiable. However, for insurance reasons I need to work a few days in December before surgery and we are all just hoping and praying that Dr. Ryan works in December. I will call him after the results of my CT scan scheduled on July 28th hopefully with the good news that my tumor is operable so I can get on his December schedule. It's stressful trying to plan this out financially plus December is the best time to be off work for a month, nobody will miss me! I'm doomed if Dr. Ryan pushes this into January. Pray! Pray! Pray!
I bought a diuretic today. I've never taken one before and hope that maybe since the tearing is caused from water rentention that the tears will stop when I take the diuretic. It's worth a try. I gained 6 lbs in water weight in a week!!!!! EEWWWWWWWWWW! Feels like I'm 6 months pregos! LOL
We finally have the www.CancerDiva.com website up and live so you can go online and volunteer or order your tickets. Space is limited so HURRY! They are $50 pp and that includes dinner, spirits, music, dancing, karaoke, silent auction and dessert auction! FUN TIMES ahead Oct. 7th at the Venue! If you have a business to promote, sign up to be wine, beer, or bottled water sponsor. You are also welcome to donate anything to the silent auction!
I am feeling well, have all my prescriptions filled, have a happy pharmacy to do business with and I start hypnosis tomorrow with Alicia Talley of Hypnotherapy. She's helped me so much in the past with the challenges of my last divorce and I know she'll get me in full harmony with my chemotherapy. I'm excited to have her love, help and support on this journey, what a blessing!
I am also really excited to take the leap and attend a group class for women going through chemo and receive some professional training on all the physical changes we go through on this journey. I have not wanted to be around anyone with cancer, but with this last side affect of the over tearing of the eyes, I'm ready to see how others are dealing with the disconnect of who they see in the mirror every morning. Am sure I will learn lots in this 2 hour work shop over at Providence Cancer center and hopefully make some beautiful friends along the way.
No big weekend plans other that resting and letting my batteries recharge for the following work week. Busy trying to financially plan this journey out to the end of the year. My last chemo session is on Nov. 3rd with the 10th being another CT scan, full xrays and blood work up. They want a 4 week gap between my last chemo and surgery so that puts my earliest potential surgery date as December 1st, however Picozzi said that is negotiable. However, for insurance reasons I need to work a few days in December before surgery and we are all just hoping and praying that Dr. Ryan works in December. I will call him after the results of my CT scan scheduled on July 28th hopefully with the good news that my tumor is operable so I can get on his December schedule. It's stressful trying to plan this out financially plus December is the best time to be off work for a month, nobody will miss me! I'm doomed if Dr. Ryan pushes this into January. Pray! Pray! Pray!
I bought a diuretic today. I've never taken one before and hope that maybe since the tearing is caused from water rentention that the tears will stop when I take the diuretic. It's worth a try. I gained 6 lbs in water weight in a week!!!!! EEWWWWWWWWWW! Feels like I'm 6 months pregos! LOL
We finally have the www.CancerDiva.com website up and live so you can go online and volunteer or order your tickets. Space is limited so HURRY! They are $50 pp and that includes dinner, spirits, music, dancing, karaoke, silent auction and dessert auction! FUN TIMES ahead Oct. 7th at the Venue! If you have a business to promote, sign up to be wine, beer, or bottled water sponsor. You are also welcome to donate anything to the silent auction!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Back to chemo
Well, we are back to week # 1 of this series of chemotherapy today. I feel a little more anxious than normal. It's also the first treatment with my port, which doens't feel totally healed yet so guess we'll see how smoothly this goes. Am anxious to learn what the exta hole in my neck is for from surgery.
I've been going over in my head all my side affects and what I'm able to do to combat them. Yes, I said combat because this is a war between Cancer and me.
Part of my way of coping with cancer, is pretending I don't have it. So, I have avoided other people with cancer like the plague. Not that I think their cancer is going to jump off of them and onto me but I'm so much about energy. I am very intentional about surrounding myself with positive energy. Have you seen the energy on the chemo floor at a hospital? No, you haven't because there isn't any. Everybody deals with this differently and I don't want to be around those that are giving up, angry or just down right negative no matter how you slice and dice it. On the other hand, I would be MORE than happy to help anyone that needs help that I may be able to offer, even if that means just feeding off my positive energy. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and feel it's important to help as many people as I can along the way. I'm no expert but I know what I know and that I can share. Nobody should have to go through this alone.
Is there a message in here for you? YES....maybe YOU need to do a little house cleaning in order to have a happier life. If you have negative people in your life, limit your time with them. All those drama kings and queens, keep them at arms length. Only surround yourself with positive people and you will be AMAZED at the impact just this one thing does for you. There is a reason I'm so happy everyday, I love all the things around me, the people, places, etc. Did you know happy people get sick less??
Now, to go back and get some sleep so I'm rested for my date with Dad today.........hmmmmmmm, what to wear, what to wear??????
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
I've been going over in my head all my side affects and what I'm able to do to combat them. Yes, I said combat because this is a war between Cancer and me.
- Fatigue = Rest
- Nausea = Prochlorperazine & Lorazepam (only works when taken together for me)
- Insomnia = Zolpodem (aka Ambien)
- Bloating = still working on a solution for this & getting used to looking pregnant. I even have moment in there like I felt when I did have a baby in there. WEIRD as I'm begging to wonder if there IS an alien in me on some days.
- Occasional Severe Stomach Pains/Cramping = Vicoden as needed
- Severe Red Dry Peeling Face days after chemo = Dexamethasone
- Hair Loss = Shaved my head and wear hats, scars and gorgeous wigs!
- Peeling hands and feets = lots and lots of lotion (bag balm)
- Nail bed sensitivity = nothing but being extra careful when painting my nails
- Extreme Metal Mouth = nothing helps this but I do eat with plastic siverware
- Flush Mouth/Sores = Brush with Arm and Hammer w/Peroxide toothpaste and have to brush my cheeks and tongue really good but it works. Taste like shit, but solves the probably beautifully
- Excessive Tear Production = still working on a solution
- Weight Gain/Water Retention = still working on a solution
- Hypersensitivity to smells = trying to enjoy foods more with my nose instead of mouth that I love
- Scars from chemo = Plan to get some of those mederma patches and see if they help reduce the burns
- The daily psychological warfare between cancer and me = starting hypnosis on Saturday with plans to go every other week and see how I do, I may need this weekly to survive as we progresss further _ bug thank you to Alica Tally for coming to my rescue AGAIN! Last time she treated me while I was going through my 2nd divorce and what a world of difference she made.
- The pancreatic cancer odds = we don't discuss this, My medical team is positive and determined to get me through this, as are all my friends, family and ME!!!!!
Part of my way of coping with cancer, is pretending I don't have it. So, I have avoided other people with cancer like the plague. Not that I think their cancer is going to jump off of them and onto me but I'm so much about energy. I am very intentional about surrounding myself with positive energy. Have you seen the energy on the chemo floor at a hospital? No, you haven't because there isn't any. Everybody deals with this differently and I don't want to be around those that are giving up, angry or just down right negative no matter how you slice and dice it. On the other hand, I would be MORE than happy to help anyone that needs help that I may be able to offer, even if that means just feeding off my positive energy. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and feel it's important to help as many people as I can along the way. I'm no expert but I know what I know and that I can share. Nobody should have to go through this alone.
Is there a message in here for you? YES....maybe YOU need to do a little house cleaning in order to have a happier life. If you have negative people in your life, limit your time with them. All those drama kings and queens, keep them at arms length. Only surround yourself with positive people and you will be AMAZED at the impact just this one thing does for you. There is a reason I'm so happy everyday, I love all the things around me, the people, places, etc. Did you know happy people get sick less??
Now, to go back and get some sleep so I'm rested for my date with Dad today.........hmmmmmmm, what to wear, what to wear??????
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
It's not shopping. It's an adventure!
So we dediced to pop in this new Winco in Lacy where Tim thinks it will be a good store so we do some power shopping. They happen to have the best buy on Muscle Milk Light in town! However, I could have done without the bitch charging at me with her cart, yelling, "Excuse me Mama" Now I see this cancer has turned me into some old hag called Mama. I wanted to respond you're excused Bitch this cancer is evil...........only at WINCO. It's always an adventure in there.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Meltdown.....
For whatever reason today was a hard day. Emotionally, today was overload. You know what happens in a meltdown? Yep......time to call Dad! LOL My Dad for as long as I can remember, has ALWAYS had all the right stuff to say to me when I call him in tears. Back in the day, that was the only time he'd hear from me, was when my world was falling apart around me. That's why if too much time passes and I don't hear from my kids, I don't worry, they ALWAYS call when they are upset. Well, today was one of those days for me.
As usual........Dad nipped it right in the bud. He said, "Tut, you are so afraid of what you think you're turning into...." and that was all I had to hear. He was right. My fear is not of cancer of not beating this, my fear is what this is turning me into. From where I sit, it's turning me into a snappy b-tch (and an ugly one at that!)....OK, maybe from Tim's perspective too. LOL Seriously, I don't like what I see in the mirror and the feeling of being so short with people. It scares me more than anything what is brewing deep inside.
I understand that I have permission to get pissed off (but what's the point of that?) and I have permission to play the cancer card at anytime and say I'm just having a bad day..............but I miss ME. I miss the way I used to look, and the abundance of joy that was inside of me the majority of the time. What, did all that peel off with my skin in the shower too?
Let's face it. We ALL have a breaking point, I don't care how happy you are. I'm not talking about having a bad day............this is a REAL feeling that is inside of me everyday..............waking up and not recognizing who's looking back at me...........and that disconnection has triggered a negative energy that I can feel everyday. Call it cancer, or whatever you want.............it doesn't matter what we call it, it SUCKS! LOL
Dad's right though............I have to hang onto who I am. Even if that means only by a thread every day. I can't let THIS define me. It has certainly detoured me which Dad explained is temporary. He reminded me, I'm fighting for my life. ALL this is temporary and the REAL me is and always will be inside of me. Cancer can't change that, maybe for awhile, but not forever.
Everyone is being so understanding.........when in reality it's me that doens't understand. It's me that does not have the patience for even one bad day. I can't change this hand I've been dealt, but it will be me that decides how to play it out. I can do this! If I say that three times and click my heels I think I'll believe it!
It's so difficult to try and financially plan this out and then still have the energy and optimism to physically care for myself. I guess at some point you just have to let go. "this is me letting go" LOL
I love my parents.........they came to visit tonight............am sure they had too after that phone call in tears at lunch today. I also got a pep talk from Barb in my office (thank you Barb for listening and caring so much). Really, by the time I got home today I was a lot better.............I cling to those words "you're fighting for your life"..............sometimes I forget. And for that FEAR.........False Expectations Appearing Real ~ Need to keep that in check from now on. To beat cancer, you really have to kick fear's ass too.
Help me laugh on this journey..............especially at myself. It is the ONLY way I'm going to get thru each day. I don't mean just on the inside.....I mean that out loud stuff I love so much! It's impossible to feel bad when you are laughing so the more I laugh.......well, you get the picture.
Have I told you all we moved MY BIG FAT PURPLE BENEFIT to October 7th (Friday night at the Venue in Tacoma/Three Chicks Catering)? I've got corks coming in and am making a wreath and a cork board to auction off..........it is really giving me something to look forward too! Hope you are too!
Thank you so much for your patience with me during this difficult time. If I snap at you, it's only because I love you. (you do know we only hurt the people we love) LOL I appreciate your permission to feel bad but mostly all the love you have for me and opening your heart and sharing who you are with me. I am seeing the best of you and it's the most beautiful thing EVER!!!!!!
Let us all sleep peacefully tonight and have the blessing to wake up tomorrow and get to start over with a brand new day! (with no fear and less traffic!)
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ
As usual........Dad nipped it right in the bud. He said, "Tut, you are so afraid of what you think you're turning into...." and that was all I had to hear. He was right. My fear is not of cancer of not beating this, my fear is what this is turning me into. From where I sit, it's turning me into a snappy b-tch (and an ugly one at that!)....OK, maybe from Tim's perspective too. LOL Seriously, I don't like what I see in the mirror and the feeling of being so short with people. It scares me more than anything what is brewing deep inside.
I understand that I have permission to get pissed off (but what's the point of that?) and I have permission to play the cancer card at anytime and say I'm just having a bad day..............but I miss ME. I miss the way I used to look, and the abundance of joy that was inside of me the majority of the time. What, did all that peel off with my skin in the shower too?
Let's face it. We ALL have a breaking point, I don't care how happy you are. I'm not talking about having a bad day............this is a REAL feeling that is inside of me everyday..............waking up and not recognizing who's looking back at me...........and that disconnection has triggered a negative energy that I can feel everyday. Call it cancer, or whatever you want.............it doesn't matter what we call it, it SUCKS! LOL
Dad's right though............I have to hang onto who I am. Even if that means only by a thread every day. I can't let THIS define me. It has certainly detoured me which Dad explained is temporary. He reminded me, I'm fighting for my life. ALL this is temporary and the REAL me is and always will be inside of me. Cancer can't change that, maybe for awhile, but not forever.
Everyone is being so understanding.........when in reality it's me that doens't understand. It's me that does not have the patience for even one bad day. I can't change this hand I've been dealt, but it will be me that decides how to play it out. I can do this! If I say that three times and click my heels I think I'll believe it!
It's so difficult to try and financially plan this out and then still have the energy and optimism to physically care for myself. I guess at some point you just have to let go. "this is me letting go" LOL
I love my parents.........they came to visit tonight............am sure they had too after that phone call in tears at lunch today. I also got a pep talk from Barb in my office (thank you Barb for listening and caring so much). Really, by the time I got home today I was a lot better.............I cling to those words "you're fighting for your life"..............sometimes I forget. And for that FEAR.........False Expectations Appearing Real ~ Need to keep that in check from now on. To beat cancer, you really have to kick fear's ass too.
Help me laugh on this journey..............especially at myself. It is the ONLY way I'm going to get thru each day. I don't mean just on the inside.....I mean that out loud stuff I love so much! It's impossible to feel bad when you are laughing so the more I laugh.......well, you get the picture.
Have I told you all we moved MY BIG FAT PURPLE BENEFIT to October 7th (Friday night at the Venue in Tacoma/Three Chicks Catering)? I've got corks coming in and am making a wreath and a cork board to auction off..........it is really giving me something to look forward too! Hope you are too!
Thank you so much for your patience with me during this difficult time. If I snap at you, it's only because I love you. (you do know we only hurt the people we love) LOL I appreciate your permission to feel bad but mostly all the love you have for me and opening your heart and sharing who you are with me. I am seeing the best of you and it's the most beautiful thing EVER!!!!!!
Let us all sleep peacefully tonight and have the blessing to wake up tomorrow and get to start over with a brand new day! (with no fear and less traffic!)
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ
Monday, July 11, 2011
Side Effects......
....OK, this new side affect of over tearing of the eyes is REDONKULOUS! In fact, I didn't believe it when the nurse told me there is nothing I could do, that this is a typical side affect from the Taxodene...... I'm beginning to think rat poisoning would be easier on my system than this taxodene is. GEEZ! I think my lash girl told me the nickname for Taxodene is Red Devil.........DUH!!!!!
My eyes have been crying not stop since Sunday to the point that I don't even look like me anymore. WHO TOOK MY EYES? lol I am not sure I can take this for more days let alone months.....are you kidding me? I'm learning (one side affect at a time) that it's the ones that affect you visually not just physically that are the most disturbing. I'm really not liking mirrors, not that they've always been my best friend because I'm so fat in them, but now they are just down right evil!
Like I was saying, I didn't beleive the nurse so I googled my way to the truth. Which is........(insert drum roll here). There is nothing for taxodene tears. I'm going to try cucumbers and more sleep which she said might help since I'm getting only a few hours a day. Yep, time to double up on the Ambien since it's not working at all for me now.
I also don't like my hands peeling........when do the symptoms stop popping up? I'm going to look like a super alien but the end of these chemo treatments. I think at least 3 layers of my face came off in the shower this morning......I kept rubbing and rubbing and peeling and peeling.........I'm not even using a scrub or a washcloth (not suppose too, now I know why LOL).
This is me whining showing my human side............I have to vent in here. Not every moment is an inspiration, sometimes they're just moments. And they ain't always pretty. LOL
The crazy in all this is it's just pissing me off now. The tears are causing road rage. Drivers are irritating me now. What used to roll off my sleeve now gets under my skin in the car.............just because I'm crying all the time?????? Drivers beware of a raging red convertible coming at you in your review mirror if you are not using you blinker and driving friendly. I have cancer and it may as well be a shot gun LOL
I thought a little shopping might make me feel better.......this is what I came out of Safeway with, and now that I'm home, it all sounds terrible...........vinegar salt pringles, vinegar salt lays, flat pretzels, round pretzels, super crunchy peanut butter, pomegranate pop sickles, acai berry pop sickles, velveeta mac & cheese, blue cheese chucks, ground turkey for lord only knows what for?????, and a dark recees. LOL Obviously, NOT the diet of champions! OH, and I've decided to take a break from my Special K chocolate and see how I do with Cinnamon toast crunch. LOL I think cereal is the ONLY thing that tastes even close to what it should taste like and sometimes peanut butter does. Imagine food with NO salt whatsoever.........bland and metal.............eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! That's what I taste, even toothpaste taste horrible. I keep forgetting to get some cinnamon gum though..........that might be helpful.
I'm all done venting.................going to go have a Pringle moment now.
LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ
My eyes have been crying not stop since Sunday to the point that I don't even look like me anymore. WHO TOOK MY EYES? lol I am not sure I can take this for more days let alone months.....are you kidding me? I'm learning (one side affect at a time) that it's the ones that affect you visually not just physically that are the most disturbing. I'm really not liking mirrors, not that they've always been my best friend because I'm so fat in them, but now they are just down right evil!
Like I was saying, I didn't beleive the nurse so I googled my way to the truth. Which is........(insert drum roll here). There is nothing for taxodene tears. I'm going to try cucumbers and more sleep which she said might help since I'm getting only a few hours a day. Yep, time to double up on the Ambien since it's not working at all for me now.
I also don't like my hands peeling........when do the symptoms stop popping up? I'm going to look like a super alien but the end of these chemo treatments. I think at least 3 layers of my face came off in the shower this morning......I kept rubbing and rubbing and peeling and peeling.........I'm not even using a scrub or a washcloth (not suppose too, now I know why LOL).
This is me whining showing my human side............I have to vent in here. Not every moment is an inspiration, sometimes they're just moments. And they ain't always pretty. LOL
The crazy in all this is it's just pissing me off now. The tears are causing road rage. Drivers are irritating me now. What used to roll off my sleeve now gets under my skin in the car.............just because I'm crying all the time?????? Drivers beware of a raging red convertible coming at you in your review mirror if you are not using you blinker and driving friendly. I have cancer and it may as well be a shot gun LOL
I thought a little shopping might make me feel better.......this is what I came out of Safeway with, and now that I'm home, it all sounds terrible...........vinegar salt pringles, vinegar salt lays, flat pretzels, round pretzels, super crunchy peanut butter, pomegranate pop sickles, acai berry pop sickles, velveeta mac & cheese, blue cheese chucks, ground turkey for lord only knows what for?????, and a dark recees. LOL Obviously, NOT the diet of champions! OH, and I've decided to take a break from my Special K chocolate and see how I do with Cinnamon toast crunch. LOL I think cereal is the ONLY thing that tastes even close to what it should taste like and sometimes peanut butter does. Imagine food with NO salt whatsoever.........bland and metal.............eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! That's what I taste, even toothpaste taste horrible. I keep forgetting to get some cinnamon gum though..........that might be helpful.
I'm all done venting.................going to go have a Pringle moment now.
LIVE WITH PASSION ~ DJ
Saturday, July 9, 2011
I think I hugged too much last night...
...my port woke me up at 1:30am hurting..........OUCH! I held off on the vicoden but it kept me up for a couple hours...............UGH. I think it was from hugging too much at the Wine and bling party last night. LOL
Speaking of Wine and Bling..........OMG what a spectacular evening!!!!!!! I was up and present until 10pm! That's means I'm starting to recover! YEA!!! We had I'm sure well over 30 gals in attendance, some I'd met for the very first time. I can't describe the feeling a being in a room filled with beautiful women from the inside out surrounded by BLING (one of my many guilty pleasures) LOL I have to do a HUGE THANK YOU to Terrie Owens for her support on this, Val for hosting, and Scott and Sharon Fox for their facial peel donations. I'm speechless at the support and willingness from everyone to help me in anyway they can on along this journey. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!! I mean that soooooooooo much. I even got to shave Jacob's head and Jim shaved his too, thanks Terri for the help on that! I don't think I missed any calling as a barber. LOL The night was incredibly memorable and I can't wait to share pics when I get them..................all I can say is, WOW I HAVE GORGEOUS FRIENDS! lol My parents showed up to show their sincere appreciation for all the support these girls are passing along to me. It was just such a night to remember forever and ever.
I have to apologize, I just found out that the Fred Hutch newsletter that I posted was a hoax. It sure sounded good though. LOL See how easily we (or at least me) buy into what we read? I promise I will never post something again without verifying it's origination. So sorry for wasting your time. I was all ready to quit eating half the foods I'm eating and even had myself convinced I have cancer because I drank too much milk all my life. LOL or was it ate too much chocolate? Don't get me started on the artificial sweeteners LOL
I've decided to create a 12 month inspirational calendar for 2012 that I'll be selling and sending out to my peeps. Aside from the inspiration, it will also have some coupons for the businesses that my peeps are shining behind! I think it will be a good thing and then I'll work on a cookbook (thak you Linda for the great idea). Keep in mind, I still need to sell houses and make a living along this way. LOL Not sure where I'm finding the time for all this but think surgery will birth the cookbook since I will be out of work for a couple months. So be gathering up your favorite recipes for me! I will be asking for one or two of your favorites for a book of 100 recipes. Some mine, some yours.
I really feel like this cancer is a 2nd chance for me..........will write more on that later. 2nd chances are NOT OVER RATED! If you get one, JUMP ON IT! (no pun intended) I have myself convinced I'm living with cancer, not dying of cancer. Not at anytime I have ever asked any Dr. how much time do I have left (with only 6% odds, I'm sure that's the first question everyone wants to know). I only wanted to know is how long will this take to beat................failure not an option or even a thought. HOWEVER, as I am forced to put my financial affairs in order for my sons, it scares the shit out of you! Preparing to die (just in case) is one of the hardest things I've had to wrap my thoughts around...........it saddens you to tears. I think it's different if you do it now when you are healthy..........as a precaution, but when you know you actually have a fatal disease and that you HAVE to put your affairs in order, it is heart breaking to think of your children having a life without you. It's a nightmare in fact. I don't even want to go there, but wanted to make a point to you to write your letters, and get your affairs all in tact now if they are not already.................it will be so much easier and not so painful to process. OK? Just do it ~ Nike does! So I'm curious, who out there wants my bike that I'm so emotinally attached too, oh you know the one!!!!!!! LOL
I have to do a reach out to my dear friend, Marty Markey who wants to do a fundraiser at her bank of some sorts so if you have any ideas, please let us know. She's such an angel! It was so good reconnecting with her last night, been way too long as with many peeps that I have seen her. She held my hand the whole time we talked, it was touching to feel all that love from her heart.
Every one of you is this miracle in my life. Your words, your support of any kind is beyond what I ever thought imaginable in this world. I hope through my words you can see and feel what I feel............this is a great life, you just have to look for the greatness instead of letting the daily grind distract you from all that is beautiful. People are sooooooooooooooooo beautiful and their smallest gesture from a smile to a prayer is so profound. I had no idea I had this much love wrapped up around me, this many people that cared this much that think somehow I'm making a difference in their life, when all I can see is the huge ripple they are putting in mine! What comes around goes around so give give give as much as you can of yourself..........you have plenty and even more than you think, we all do.
I am volunteering to help American Cancer Society next year at Relay for Life and help educate those that are currently battling cancer. I should have my book out by then............depending on where I am on this journey. Thank you so much Robin for the SOS call, I'm happy to give back on this journey!!! In fact, it is my purpose.
A friend recently called me, and one of her best friends just got diagnosed with liver cancer and is devastated and wants me to talk and coach her. I'm so touched that she is reaching out to me to help and I can't wait to hold her hand and share all that I have that she's willing to absorb. Baby steps in the beginning as it's all you can do to just accept the news.
Much love to you all and have a wonderful weekend...............off to Scott and Sharon's for dinner tonight with some other friends so another beautiful evening ahead! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ
Speaking of Wine and Bling..........OMG what a spectacular evening!!!!!!! I was up and present until 10pm! That's means I'm starting to recover! YEA!!! We had I'm sure well over 30 gals in attendance, some I'd met for the very first time. I can't describe the feeling a being in a room filled with beautiful women from the inside out surrounded by BLING (one of my many guilty pleasures) LOL I have to do a HUGE THANK YOU to Terrie Owens for her support on this, Val for hosting, and Scott and Sharon Fox for their facial peel donations. I'm speechless at the support and willingness from everyone to help me in anyway they can on along this journey. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!! I mean that soooooooooo much. I even got to shave Jacob's head and Jim shaved his too, thanks Terri for the help on that! I don't think I missed any calling as a barber. LOL The night was incredibly memorable and I can't wait to share pics when I get them..................all I can say is, WOW I HAVE GORGEOUS FRIENDS! lol My parents showed up to show their sincere appreciation for all the support these girls are passing along to me. It was just such a night to remember forever and ever.
I have to apologize, I just found out that the Fred Hutch newsletter that I posted was a hoax. It sure sounded good though. LOL See how easily we (or at least me) buy into what we read? I promise I will never post something again without verifying it's origination. So sorry for wasting your time. I was all ready to quit eating half the foods I'm eating and even had myself convinced I have cancer because I drank too much milk all my life. LOL or was it ate too much chocolate? Don't get me started on the artificial sweeteners LOL
I've decided to create a 12 month inspirational calendar for 2012 that I'll be selling and sending out to my peeps. Aside from the inspiration, it will also have some coupons for the businesses that my peeps are shining behind! I think it will be a good thing and then I'll work on a cookbook (thak you Linda for the great idea). Keep in mind, I still need to sell houses and make a living along this way. LOL Not sure where I'm finding the time for all this but think surgery will birth the cookbook since I will be out of work for a couple months. So be gathering up your favorite recipes for me! I will be asking for one or two of your favorites for a book of 100 recipes. Some mine, some yours.
I really feel like this cancer is a 2nd chance for me..........will write more on that later. 2nd chances are NOT OVER RATED! If you get one, JUMP ON IT! (no pun intended) I have myself convinced I'm living with cancer, not dying of cancer. Not at anytime I have ever asked any Dr. how much time do I have left (with only 6% odds, I'm sure that's the first question everyone wants to know). I only wanted to know is how long will this take to beat................failure not an option or even a thought. HOWEVER, as I am forced to put my financial affairs in order for my sons, it scares the shit out of you! Preparing to die (just in case) is one of the hardest things I've had to wrap my thoughts around...........it saddens you to tears. I think it's different if you do it now when you are healthy..........as a precaution, but when you know you actually have a fatal disease and that you HAVE to put your affairs in order, it is heart breaking to think of your children having a life without you. It's a nightmare in fact. I don't even want to go there, but wanted to make a point to you to write your letters, and get your affairs all in tact now if they are not already.................it will be so much easier and not so painful to process. OK? Just do it ~ Nike does! So I'm curious, who out there wants my bike that I'm so emotinally attached too, oh you know the one!!!!!!! LOL
I have to do a reach out to my dear friend, Marty Markey who wants to do a fundraiser at her bank of some sorts so if you have any ideas, please let us know. She's such an angel! It was so good reconnecting with her last night, been way too long as with many peeps that I have seen her. She held my hand the whole time we talked, it was touching to feel all that love from her heart.
Every one of you is this miracle in my life. Your words, your support of any kind is beyond what I ever thought imaginable in this world. I hope through my words you can see and feel what I feel............this is a great life, you just have to look for the greatness instead of letting the daily grind distract you from all that is beautiful. People are sooooooooooooooooo beautiful and their smallest gesture from a smile to a prayer is so profound. I had no idea I had this much love wrapped up around me, this many people that cared this much that think somehow I'm making a difference in their life, when all I can see is the huge ripple they are putting in mine! What comes around goes around so give give give as much as you can of yourself..........you have plenty and even more than you think, we all do.
I am volunteering to help American Cancer Society next year at Relay for Life and help educate those that are currently battling cancer. I should have my book out by then............depending on where I am on this journey. Thank you so much Robin for the SOS call, I'm happy to give back on this journey!!! In fact, it is my purpose.
A friend recently called me, and one of her best friends just got diagnosed with liver cancer and is devastated and wants me to talk and coach her. I'm so touched that she is reaching out to me to help and I can't wait to hold her hand and share all that I have that she's willing to absorb. Baby steps in the beginning as it's all you can do to just accept the news.
Much love to you all and have a wonderful weekend...............off to Scott and Sharon's for dinner tonight with some other friends so another beautiful evening ahead! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ
Friday, July 8, 2011
Feeling GREAT............
the day just keeps getting better and better.............the sun is even coming out! Excited for the Wine and Bling fundraiser tonight at Val's house! If you can't make it for any reason and would like to order something online, you can do so at www.MyTouchStoneCrystal.com/TerrieOwens and just put Dawn Jump as the hostess at check out.................all Terrie's profits from this event are going into the Dawn Jump donation account. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! YOU ARE ALL ANGELS IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! and know that even your thoughts and prayers are making a HUGE difference in my life........you just really have no idea! There are no words to express this much gratitude! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ
Vicoden to the rescue!
I typically wake up every morning between 4 and 5 am. My body is usually hungry and ready for my Special K chocolate and meds to get my day jump started. However, I do usually go back to sleep until it's time to get up and actually START my day.............today was a little different.
For the first time since I've started chemo, I woke up to excruciating pain that had be curled over in the fetal position. I could barely walk to the bathroom. It didn't take me long to realize something is wrong and I can't take the pain so I took some milk and vicoden to ease the pain.........which it is. I can't help but wonder what would cause this much pain so suddenly. I've decided maybe this is what it feels like when the tumor is trying to detach itself from my main artery. There, Dr. Dawn has a diagnosis. LOL Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. However, I will call and notify Dr. Picozzi of this sudden new symptom before it turns into a habit. Maybe it will tell him something different??
I have a busy day off planned...........lunch with my former boss/mentor Kevin downtown and then Sylena and I are off to the the Wine and bling party this evening over at Val's house. Sooooooooooo, being in pain is not an option, so vicoden is coming too! LOL I had to cancel my last lunch date with Kevin back in June before I started chemo because I was in too much pain, and I refuse to cancel today!
I've found the people that are worrying the most are those that have not seen me, so I'm really trying to make time for those friends so they can see me doing good, not poorly so they will worry less. Plus I'm enjoying all the time with friends soooooooooooooo much. It keeps me happy on the inside!
I have to do a big THANK YOU to Mandy with MeMeandCompany for the complimentary lashes yesterday. AND she's sporting a new purple wristband for me. Frannie, my favorite lash girl moved to Utah to find a good Mormon to marry but I have to say, her replacement CJ is wonderful. CJ is even looking into eyebrows for me so I'm ready if and when that times comes and my eyebrows start to fall out too. Hopefully I can keep my lashes and brows but I want to be prepared. She also told me about this charity, FeelGoodLookBetter that helps women with cancer that she also volunteers for that I'm going to go check out today. That shows me she's really a good person with a big heart. I love her already so if you are thinking of getting lash extensions, please go see CJ at the salon, tell her DJ sent you! Life is short so why not have big sexy eyelashes that you never had to put mascara on?
I've got some auctions items already that I'm taking tonight to drop off to Sharon. I still want to make one of my wine cork wreaths so if you have any corks you don't want............pass them along to me so I can get this wreath made for the MY BIG FAT PURPLE BENEFIT! in September.
There's a wonderful day in front of all of us! I heard a quote on New York housewives last night, "Here's to the small things in life. At the end of the day, it's the small things that matter most" and I just LOVE that........Luan's Dad always told her that.
So today, do something small for someone and appreciate all the small things that are done for you. LIVE WITH PASSION (FYI, I have finally put that on my voicemail) ~DJ
For the first time since I've started chemo, I woke up to excruciating pain that had be curled over in the fetal position. I could barely walk to the bathroom. It didn't take me long to realize something is wrong and I can't take the pain so I took some milk and vicoden to ease the pain.........which it is. I can't help but wonder what would cause this much pain so suddenly. I've decided maybe this is what it feels like when the tumor is trying to detach itself from my main artery. There, Dr. Dawn has a diagnosis. LOL Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. However, I will call and notify Dr. Picozzi of this sudden new symptom before it turns into a habit. Maybe it will tell him something different??
I have a busy day off planned...........lunch with my former boss/mentor Kevin downtown and then Sylena and I are off to the the Wine and bling party this evening over at Val's house. Sooooooooooo, being in pain is not an option, so vicoden is coming too! LOL I had to cancel my last lunch date with Kevin back in June before I started chemo because I was in too much pain, and I refuse to cancel today!
I've found the people that are worrying the most are those that have not seen me, so I'm really trying to make time for those friends so they can see me doing good, not poorly so they will worry less. Plus I'm enjoying all the time with friends soooooooooooooo much. It keeps me happy on the inside!
I have to do a big THANK YOU to Mandy with MeMeandCompany for the complimentary lashes yesterday. AND she's sporting a new purple wristband for me. Frannie, my favorite lash girl moved to Utah to find a good Mormon to marry but I have to say, her replacement CJ is wonderful. CJ is even looking into eyebrows for me so I'm ready if and when that times comes and my eyebrows start to fall out too. Hopefully I can keep my lashes and brows but I want to be prepared. She also told me about this charity, FeelGoodLookBetter that helps women with cancer that she also volunteers for that I'm going to go check out today. That shows me she's really a good person with a big heart. I love her already so if you are thinking of getting lash extensions, please go see CJ at the salon, tell her DJ sent you! Life is short so why not have big sexy eyelashes that you never had to put mascara on?
I've got some auctions items already that I'm taking tonight to drop off to Sharon. I still want to make one of my wine cork wreaths so if you have any corks you don't want............pass them along to me so I can get this wreath made for the MY BIG FAT PURPLE BENEFIT! in September.
There's a wonderful day in front of all of us! I heard a quote on New York housewives last night, "Here's to the small things in life. At the end of the day, it's the small things that matter most" and I just LOVE that........Luan's Dad always told her that.
So today, do something small for someone and appreciate all the small things that are done for you. LIVE WITH PASSION (FYI, I have finally put that on my voicemail) ~DJ
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
When I grow up...
I never dreamed I would be a cancer survivor, but I sure as hell am excited to become one! Reality has set in more than ever.......
My face is burned as a reaction to chemo, my nail beds are ultra sensitive, I'm in and out of nausea, my mouth feels like it's full of dimes, exhausted, and Tim just shaved my head tonight...........GOT CANCER? Yes I do, but just temporarily.
Surgery for the port went well today, again, AMAZING team at Virginia Mason! You won't believe this. I was feeling very nauseous from being off my meds the night before and morning of surgery and so didn't feel well at all arriving at the hospital this morning at 7am. I was so impressed with my anaesthesiologist, as she came in and introduced herself and asked how I was doing. Curled up in the fetal position with pillows I said, "fine". Then there was a silence as she realized I was lying and then she said, "are you sure?" and then I confessed about the nausea. She immediately put an IV in and ordered up some meds to get that nipped in the bud right away...............WOW, she could have just as easily accepted my "fine" and gone about her job, but she didn't. THIS WOMAN REALLY LOVES HER CAREER AND CARES! So, needless to say I fell in love with her and we chatted up a storm after I got to feeling better. I requested to meet Dr. Nuzel, my surgeon as I had never met him up to that point so they paged him and he came down to introduce himself before surgery and answer any questions...........we clicked like two peas in a pod, he's from Tennessee! Redneck to redneck, we just had a great chat. He also had a great talk with my folks after surgery and told them if they EVER had a question to please call him and/or stop by his office if they were in the building..........LOVE AT FIRST SITE, ya think?
My right shoulder is a bit tender and sore but all in all it was a good day. I'm tired still but think I'm better than I was yesterday. Plan to take the day off tomorrow to rest with no company, and relax as I am the manager on duty this weekend and we have the big summer festival in West Seattle going on so I need my energy for that more than a typical Wednesday's day work.
I LOVED having my sons under my roof. Amanda and her family gave me a beautiful purple hanging basket that I now have in the back yard. THANK YOU!!!!!!! You know what was hard though? it was very difficult and emotional for me to be sick in front of my sons. It's hard allowing your children to see you so vulnerable and so seriously sick. I had no idea it was going to be like that, I'm so used to waiting on them so it was not natural allowing them to care for me. It made me sad. I remember how hard it was for me seeing my mother so sick and it broke my heart to have to put them through that. They too have had their reality check now too and know how serious my condition is and that I am going to get worse before I get better. We are all on the same page now, MamaLou made sure of that! LOL My folks have one goal, and that's my well being and I can see they are not going to let anything or anyone get in their way. How blessed am I? I love them more than words can say and having them so close by gives me so much peace of mind..........honestly takes the stress out of everything for me so I can concentrate on just healing one day at a time.
Now, about this head shaving..........it was not bad at all and at least now I don't look like the supermodel from Tales from the Crypt! I feel so much better and if I can find some way to get rid of this burn on my face so I can look my best, I don't think shaved is that bad, especially for summer! Now I didn't much like sweeping my own hair off the floor but that's the price you pay for a good hair cut in my house. LOL Consider yourself warned.
Please say a prayer and thank God for your health today and every day.........it is such a gift. This journey is hard and I wouldn't wish it on ANY of you! I pray for health and love for everyone! I also am so grateful God has brought my family to me and each of you on this journey with me. I couldn't do this alone. Nobody could. God intends for all of us to grow on this journey. It's amazing the people that love you will share the bad along with all the good, if you let them. xoxoxo
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ
My face is burned as a reaction to chemo, my nail beds are ultra sensitive, I'm in and out of nausea, my mouth feels like it's full of dimes, exhausted, and Tim just shaved my head tonight...........GOT CANCER? Yes I do, but just temporarily.
Surgery for the port went well today, again, AMAZING team at Virginia Mason! You won't believe this. I was feeling very nauseous from being off my meds the night before and morning of surgery and so didn't feel well at all arriving at the hospital this morning at 7am. I was so impressed with my anaesthesiologist, as she came in and introduced herself and asked how I was doing. Curled up in the fetal position with pillows I said, "fine". Then there was a silence as she realized I was lying and then she said, "are you sure?" and then I confessed about the nausea. She immediately put an IV in and ordered up some meds to get that nipped in the bud right away...............WOW, she could have just as easily accepted my "fine" and gone about her job, but she didn't. THIS WOMAN REALLY LOVES HER CAREER AND CARES! So, needless to say I fell in love with her and we chatted up a storm after I got to feeling better. I requested to meet Dr. Nuzel, my surgeon as I had never met him up to that point so they paged him and he came down to introduce himself before surgery and answer any questions...........we clicked like two peas in a pod, he's from Tennessee! Redneck to redneck, we just had a great chat. He also had a great talk with my folks after surgery and told them if they EVER had a question to please call him and/or stop by his office if they were in the building..........LOVE AT FIRST SITE, ya think?
My right shoulder is a bit tender and sore but all in all it was a good day. I'm tired still but think I'm better than I was yesterday. Plan to take the day off tomorrow to rest with no company, and relax as I am the manager on duty this weekend and we have the big summer festival in West Seattle going on so I need my energy for that more than a typical Wednesday's day work.
I LOVED having my sons under my roof. Amanda and her family gave me a beautiful purple hanging basket that I now have in the back yard. THANK YOU!!!!!!! You know what was hard though? it was very difficult and emotional for me to be sick in front of my sons. It's hard allowing your children to see you so vulnerable and so seriously sick. I had no idea it was going to be like that, I'm so used to waiting on them so it was not natural allowing them to care for me. It made me sad. I remember how hard it was for me seeing my mother so sick and it broke my heart to have to put them through that. They too have had their reality check now too and know how serious my condition is and that I am going to get worse before I get better. We are all on the same page now, MamaLou made sure of that! LOL My folks have one goal, and that's my well being and I can see they are not going to let anything or anyone get in their way. How blessed am I? I love them more than words can say and having them so close by gives me so much peace of mind..........honestly takes the stress out of everything for me so I can concentrate on just healing one day at a time.
Now, about this head shaving..........it was not bad at all and at least now I don't look like the supermodel from Tales from the Crypt! I feel so much better and if I can find some way to get rid of this burn on my face so I can look my best, I don't think shaved is that bad, especially for summer! Now I didn't much like sweeping my own hair off the floor but that's the price you pay for a good hair cut in my house. LOL Consider yourself warned.
Please say a prayer and thank God for your health today and every day.........it is such a gift. This journey is hard and I wouldn't wish it on ANY of you! I pray for health and love for everyone! I also am so grateful God has brought my family to me and each of you on this journey with me. I couldn't do this alone. Nobody could. God intends for all of us to grow on this journey. It's amazing the people that love you will share the bad along with all the good, if you let them. xoxoxo
LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I see a pattern now....
This round of chemo really knocked me for a loop. I am now realizing I do have a pattern. The 2nd go around of chemo is the one that knocks me for a loop. It sucks my energy and usually comes with nausea. Now more than ever, I know I need to savor my week off and focus on getting that energy rebuilt back up for this 2nd week of treatments.
Now to back peddle. I had a WONDERFUL dinner with my BFF Carmen on Friday night. Gosh she sure makes a pretty blonde!! We met up at the Cheesecake factory in Bellevue Square. Seeing is believing and I know her seeing me happy and alive was just what she needed to feel the faith that I feel everyday. I feel like my BFF is right here with me now and, like every other curve ball life has thrown our way, we will get through this together! We always do! We don't have time to feel angry or be mad at God and wondering "why Dawn"..............we just need to believe God put me on this path for a very good reason, and that I will survive it and make it a positive journey!
Right after dinner I got to go pick up Ryan from the airport. Well, by this time I'm really tired and exhausted, but at the same time so excited to have my two sons home with me, I could hardly stand it. Had Ryan in tow by about 9:30 pm and brought him home. Not any home he's known before, but the place he knows he'll always have a home because that's where my heart is. I think it's important for kids to have a place they know as home, even if they never lived there. Home is Mom. I'm confident both Ryan and Tanner know that. I've moved so much over their lifetime, not sure they can even remember every house, but they remember being home with me, regardless of where that was.
Tanner and Amanda arrived with their new puppy "Marley" around 10:30 and unfortunately I could not keep my eyes open any longer so I went to bed at 11pm. I think I was out before my head hit the pillow LOL
Anxious for morning, up at 5am like usual for my bowl of special K chocolate to get something in my stomach to settle it down and get my meds in and working before the boys got up. I made them cinnamon French Toast for breakfast, like the good old days. LOL It's so cool seeing them around table with me. Seems like a lifetime ago when they were around the table all the time. Where did all the time go???
We had a really nice dinner with my folks last night here at the house. I BBQ'd salmon with my secret sauce, not that I could taste it since my metal mouth is on overload right now. Week 2 is always really have metal and the nose bleeds are the worse then too. UGH! Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are PUMPED up for casino day today! My folks came over this morning and Dad made his famous amaretto pancakes. Notice how us Polka's have famous foods we are known for..........we like to cook! LOL My brother has his gifts too! All of us that are 21 are headed to the casino later today to make it rain. Tanner is already stressing over the possibility of losing LOL so MaMaLou is pay rolling him if he loses. LOL
Oh, I almost forgot, I got a new watch..............IT'S MY CANCER DIVA WATCH!!!!!! Needless to say, it's purple! As soon as I figure out how to take a picture with my new camera and post it on here I will start putting more pictures on the blogs...........there are lots of things I want to share yet..........the beautiful pot my niece made me, the super cool Cancer Blanket from M'Lee and some other things too.............pictures are worth a 1000 words.
Hope everyone is having as wonderful 4th of July weekend as I am.........much love to you all!!!!!!! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ
Now to back peddle. I had a WONDERFUL dinner with my BFF Carmen on Friday night. Gosh she sure makes a pretty blonde!! We met up at the Cheesecake factory in Bellevue Square. Seeing is believing and I know her seeing me happy and alive was just what she needed to feel the faith that I feel everyday. I feel like my BFF is right here with me now and, like every other curve ball life has thrown our way, we will get through this together! We always do! We don't have time to feel angry or be mad at God and wondering "why Dawn"..............we just need to believe God put me on this path for a very good reason, and that I will survive it and make it a positive journey!
Right after dinner I got to go pick up Ryan from the airport. Well, by this time I'm really tired and exhausted, but at the same time so excited to have my two sons home with me, I could hardly stand it. Had Ryan in tow by about 9:30 pm and brought him home. Not any home he's known before, but the place he knows he'll always have a home because that's where my heart is. I think it's important for kids to have a place they know as home, even if they never lived there. Home is Mom. I'm confident both Ryan and Tanner know that. I've moved so much over their lifetime, not sure they can even remember every house, but they remember being home with me, regardless of where that was.
Tanner and Amanda arrived with their new puppy "Marley" around 10:30 and unfortunately I could not keep my eyes open any longer so I went to bed at 11pm. I think I was out before my head hit the pillow LOL
Anxious for morning, up at 5am like usual for my bowl of special K chocolate to get something in my stomach to settle it down and get my meds in and working before the boys got up. I made them cinnamon French Toast for breakfast, like the good old days. LOL It's so cool seeing them around table with me. Seems like a lifetime ago when they were around the table all the time. Where did all the time go???
We had a really nice dinner with my folks last night here at the house. I BBQ'd salmon with my secret sauce, not that I could taste it since my metal mouth is on overload right now. Week 2 is always really have metal and the nose bleeds are the worse then too. UGH! Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are PUMPED up for casino day today! My folks came over this morning and Dad made his famous amaretto pancakes. Notice how us Polka's have famous foods we are known for..........we like to cook! LOL My brother has his gifts too! All of us that are 21 are headed to the casino later today to make it rain. Tanner is already stressing over the possibility of losing LOL so MaMaLou is pay rolling him if he loses. LOL
Oh, I almost forgot, I got a new watch..............IT'S MY CANCER DIVA WATCH!!!!!! Needless to say, it's purple! As soon as I figure out how to take a picture with my new camera and post it on here I will start putting more pictures on the blogs...........there are lots of things I want to share yet..........the beautiful pot my niece made me, the super cool Cancer Blanket from M'Lee and some other things too.............pictures are worth a 1000 words.
Hope everyone is having as wonderful 4th of July weekend as I am.........much love to you all!!!!!!! LIVE WITH PASSION! ~ DJ
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