TIME............we never have enough.

Not exactly how or where to start this post..............so will start with my silence.  My nails HURT!  so it's hard to type (4 of them are just completely falling off right now making it really hard to type).  I keep thinking they will get better, not worse and I then I can just jump on the pc and starting typing liking a maniac like I always have................but NO, they are not getting better, although Dr. Picozzi told me to put Liquid Rogaine on them and it should keep them from falling off...................might have been nice to know that BEFORE some of them started to fall off.  Timing IS everything!

My beautiful eyelashes are gone now too..................you know I LOVE and treasure my eyelashes, it's part of my identity, or maybe I'm just a girly girl after all. LOL  So, I have it on my mission to go buy the glue on false eyelashes in hopes that I will feel better wearing them.  Although, not sure how much it will help with all the constant swelling and looking like an Asian Puff Fish all the time.  Who is that creepy looking girl in the mirror that keeps looking back at me?  I'm tired of seeing her!!!  I wonder if I could put my head in the freezer over night if it would even help make all this swelling go down.  Honestly, I will not need a Halloween costume by the time Oct. 31st rolls around, I should be the ultimate creepy looking girl by then.  Geez, and dont' even get me started on the bloating.  It is really odd to be down 10 lbs yet look fatter than when you started this whole journey, in fact, not even be able to fit into lots of your clothes because your tummy is sticking out so much and painful!!  Dr. said just eat mini meals and graze all day, no normal meals from this point forward.

I'm venting..............but am grateful that we only have two months of chemo left!  I say WE because you all are on this journey with me.  THANK YOU so much for your love and support.  Each month gets harder than the month before so I can't even imagine the shape I'll be in by the last treatment on Nov. 3rd LOL  Sandy might have to just throw me in a wheel barrel and tow me into chemo that day. LOL  Hey......that could be my Christmas Card this year!  LOL

My family support is now from a distance.  Dad and MamaLou are back in Alabama for health reasons.  Me and my Dad are competing for the limelight (must be a Polka thing). LOL  He will have surgery soon and need to recover so they probably won't be back until mid November at the earliest.  I miss them a lot...............nothing compares to my date day with Dad. 

Friends are now really gearing up for MY BIG FAT PURPLE BENEFIT and of course I'm stressing nobody will come.  We are down to the last month before we kick the fun night off with a great dinner and dancing, music, silent auction and even a dessert auction................I know it will be a super fun and very memorable night so trying to keep my thoughts on that.  Tickets are available at www.CancerDiva.com


Even though my body is falling apart little by little, I am so thankful that I can get up and go to work everyday..........or at least most days.  I usually have to take a day or two after my 2nd chemo week in a row.  Something about week #2 just kicks my ass and flares up a new side affect too, as if I need more!!!!!!!

Cancer affects everyone so differently...........even my Tanner.  There has been so much unusual silence between Tanner and I since I saw him over 4th of July.  We usually share EVERYTHING and that door just went the opposite direction, but he was over on Monday and we got a chance to talk one on one.  Things are much better now.  It's true though, some people pull in much closer and others need the space to digest and deal with the reality of my cancer.

I have decided, given the odds/5 year survival rate that I am living on borrowed time.  DON'T GET ME WRONG!  I AM BEATING THIS TUMOR! but I have no idea what the 5 year future holds so we are making some priority changes.  Changes in our lifestyle and many positive food choices and changes.  I would love to live a long time and can see if that is the case, little miss Diva Dawn needs to get her healthy A game on!  Tim is 100% on board!  We already have a gym picked out to join in January when I'm recovered from surgery.  I think the big change for me is no processed foods and no more white flour or sugar products.  Right now I'm eating whatever I can get to taste good in my mouth, which is not much but when metal mouth is gone....................I believe I will have a whole new appreciation for food, good food that is good for me!

TIME............we never have enough.  More than anything, we need to savor the time we spend with others.  It really is priceless! I got some sofa time with Cheryl (I refer to her as my big sis) last night and it was so nice to be able to break down and cry and just express how hard the journey is.  Tim sees that everyday, but I hide it from most and sugar coat my day as much as possible.  Complaining won't make it better but sometimes you have to get the bad feelings out, or they just brew inside of you.  Think about your time and who you share it with.....................make the people that love you and make you a better person a priority in your life...........they won't be around forever, and neither will you.  Savor time like you know  your expiration date.............What changes would you make, if any, in your life if the odds were you were not going to live beyond the next 5 years?  as in 95% chance you won't live beyond the next 5........that is a  GINORMOUS odd.  Think about it.

LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ