It has become obvious to me now that I can't win each day. There are going to be days where the side affects win and the best I can do is rest and focus my energy on recovering. Winning the day and getting to go out and go to work and pretend like I'm not sick is the only way I know to get through this journey. This week has hit hard, I'm now on a fluid diet until I figure out how to manage the bloating and swelling. It just got too painful to eat. Laying on the bed like a 400 lb beached whale in pain is not my idea of a good time. LOL I feel better since I stopped eating though.
Each month is magnified from the month before. I'm grateful I only have two and half months to go, but YIKES, I have two and half months to go. LOL I know I can only do one day at a time. That's all any of us can do! It just seems overwhelming.
I broke down the other night with Tim. You know one of those OMG I can't do this anymore moments. Tim is such an angel, and always gets me through them. He layed down with me and kept me focused on all the good. However, at the same time, he always gives me permission to feel bad and have as many bad moments as I need to get through the journey. I love him so much!
The relationships we keep really do define who we are. I am so blessed to have so many people that love me and are caring for me. My friends are angels, true angels! I am just falling apart at the seams but my friends are like the glue holding me together. We are bonded like that. I don't have to talk to my friends everyday to know they are there..........praying, caring, and loving. However, I know all I have to do is call and they'd be here with anything that I needed. Don't you have friends like that? You can go months without talking or seeing them, and yet just pick right up where you left off like not time ever passed. The love of friends makes this world go round.
I am fatigued...........battling bloody nose, my pain in my nails has spread to my hands and feet, knee joints are giving out, constant watering eyes so I can't see, plus the bloating and swelling is handicapping me quite a bit and confining me to my bed. I will call the Dr. today and see how to proceed..........I don't know if chemo or medications are causing all this havoc????? so I'm off the meds to try and give my body a rest. I'm grateful for these 3 days off work so I can rest up and hopefully be back to functioning on Monday like a somewhat normal person. LOL
Call a friend today that you have not talked to in awhile! Just to say I love you!
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ
Lovely & passionate Dawn,
ReplyDeleteWish I'd thought of this sooner for your mouth, it's an herbal tincture called MOUTH MEND made by The Herbalist, Inc. here in Washington; www.therherbalist.com, and is certified organically grown. For your painful nails, hands, joints, etc. I recommend Emu oil - it's wonderful. However, herbs are extremely powerful and you need to be sure they're not contraindicative with any of the medications you're taking/receiving. Please check with your doctor.
I would love for you to see a Naturopathic doctor to help you with your journey. Mine is in the north end of Ballard, Dr. Molly Linton of Emerald City Naturopathic Clinic; www.emeraldcityclinic.com. She started the clinic a few years before I began going to her - when I was pregnant with Rachael - almost 24 yrs. ago. Molly is incredibly intelligent, brilliant in healing and works well in conjunction with the allopathic community (MD's) . She did wonders for my Mom when she was battling her cancer.
I love you so much and have the greatest respect for your courage and strength; it reminds me of my Mom and in how much the same manner she fought her fight for life - twice.
Hugs of Love,
Darlin'