A chemo day in the life of a diva

I have had several people ask me what chemo is like.  I am sure its a bit different for each patient but wanted to share with you exactly what it is like for me.
It always starts the night before.  I have to pack as though I am going on a day trip.........food, beverages, pillow, blanket and things to do to keep me busy.  I also pick out a cute outfitas I mentally like to tell myself I am going on a date so I like to look nice.  I just feel better when I look my best.  I am only allowed one person in the room with me at a time and it is usually my Dad.  Its a long day for both of us but we make the best of it.
The morning of chemo starts early.  I like to take a long hot shower since I know I want be able to shower for a couple days due to the chemo pack that comes home with me for 46 hours.  Then of course breakfast.........hair and make up LOL
Dad drops me off at the front door at Virginia Mason downtown by 8 or 9am depending on our appointment time.  Then he goes to park while I stand in line to check in downstairs.  We meet at the cancer institute which is on the 2nd floor.  It always has a bad odor to me when the elevators open up.  We are not allowed to wear perfumes or have any strong smelling foods since chemo patients easily get sick from odors.
I check in at the desk happy go lucky like I am checking in for a manicure or hair style. LOL. The gals always know me by name and are happy to see me.  I then sit in the waiting room and am usually sadden by the number of people that are sick and fighting for their life.  Its just not a happy place but the staff makes it pleasant.  They are angels in the building or thats how I see them anyway.
Before anything can happen they have to put me in a short stay room to access and flush my port in addition to pull all the blood they need.  The results from the lab determine whether I am healthy enough to even proceed with chemo treatment.  It usually takes at least an hour to get the lab results so its mostly a waiting game.  Really no sense in seeing Dr until he has results from which he can order the chemo.  Thats right no chemo is ordered until labwork is in.
They have dozens of little rooms set up for chemo which is where we spend the entire day.  There is a tv and wifi plus a little fridge and one recliner which I snuggle into and one chair for my Dad.  I always want to decorate and paint the rooms to be more homey but that doesnt happen.  There are what they are and its sad there is so many.  Always a reminder to me that too many people have cancer.
Im lucky the staff is so amazing.  Even the nurses that are not assigned to me that day pop in to visit me.  They always make me feel so special.  Its all these distractions that help the time pass.
For me every 10 weeks is a big check up so on those days I get a chest xray and a ct scan prior to getting into my room for the day.  I am always anxious to get my cancer marker number which is just a little piece of the puzzle indicating any progress or lack there of.  I am always thrilled to hear when the number is down but this go around sometimes the number is higher than previously so I just have to be strong and shake it off.
When Dr P comes in it is usually a very short visit unless I am not doing well.  He always takes time to be attentive to my needs and questions.  I am sure he does not like to get too close to his patients since most dont survive but I know over the past year there is a special spot in his heart for me.  This has made it easier for me to trust him that no matter what we will figure out a way to get this cancer in remission and buy me some time.........quality time.  He sees the world thru rose colored glasses just like me so our optimisim bonds us.  It is my goal with his help to be a voice and make a ripple with the pancreatic cancer organization.  I want to help others and provide hope and help with awareness.
OK back to the chemo room..........by now we have been there several hours and anxious to get started.  We know the sooner that first cocktail gets hooked up the sooner we can go home.  Once Dr P has ordered the cocktails the nurse tgives me about 7 pills that somehow play a role in me getting treatment.
The first cocktail arrives and it is verified every which way but loose.  They leave no margin for error.  Once hooked up it takes 2 hours to drip.  I dont feel anything it is just ans IV that is hooked up to the port in my chest.  I learned the hard way last year not to do chemo thru a vein in your arm.  My nurse checks on me frequently and is always just a beep away.  I have a panic button to hit if I have any problems.
By the time my first cocktail is getting low the 2nd one arrives.  This is the cocktail that has caused me so much havoc so there is some anxiety that preludes it getting hooked up.  However Dr P has lowered my dosage and I did OK last time.  This cocktail once hooked up drips for an hour an a half.  By this time I am hungry and have broken into my snacks or at least lunch.  I have to eat something every 2 hours to keep my tummy running smoothly.
Sometimes I have my laptop with me and will kill some time there and sometimes I sleep.  Chemo affects me differently everytime.  Its never the same journey twice.
I always have a visit from Dr Meghan.........I think of her as my pain and symptom management coach.  She is an absolutely amazing listener.  She gets inside my head and is able to coach me thru the mental part of this journey which honestly is a bigger battle than the physical.  If your head is not in the right place there is no way to beat cancer physically.......just no way.  I feel like she understands me and more importantly she expects me to stay true to myself which means remaining positive.  However she understands and shows compassion when I lose my way.........she is like a flashlight and shows me the way to win.  I will never be able to thank her and Dr P enough for all they have done to save or prolong my life.
Sooooo back to chemo.......they even have staff or volunteers stop by with activity cart wiith candy ice cream movies cards magazines to help fill my time there.  It is really nice.  By the time my 2nd cocktail is done I am really ready to go home..........it is late in the day by now and fortunately the 3rd cocktail comes home with me in a fannypack.  It goes everywhere I go for 46 hours.  I generally dont like to go out in public as fanny packs went out in the 90s LOL and I dont like to attrack that kind of attention.  Funny I am quick to share my story with anyone but dont want everyone knowing I am sick.  I like to pretend I am healthy.......its part of faking it until you make it attitude.
As I mentioned I can not get my port wet so no shower while I am on that 3rd cocktail.  We drive to the hospital late on the 2nd day following chemo to get disconnected.  It only takes minutes to disconnect and flush my port so no appointment needed.  I just pop inand out quickly and usually run to take. A shower when I get home.  I am tired more than usual when on the chemo pack.
Side affects to these cocktails are all over the board. I never know from moment to moment how I will feel so its hard to plan anything concrete.  I am simply living in the moment as best I can..........any time I have I know is borrowed time so I am just savoring the people and moments in my life!!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ