Mind over body

Yesterday was really and weird chemo day.........blood pressure was pretty high and I think it was because I did not feel well and had quite a bit of anxiety leading up to this treatment since I had such a horrific treatment last time.  My labwork came back indicating low white blood count and low patelets....a drop from my low levels last time.  Chemo is certainly taking its toll on my body.
So I did not get to see Dr P yesterday had a fill in Dr so really no opportunity to play questions and answers.  Although he did let me choose to have chemo and elinate the 2nd cocktail or postpone the full meal deal to next week due to the low levels in my bloodwork.  Of course I chose to saddle up and do the partial treatment.  I believe the sooner I get all my treatments done the sooner I can get my life back.
I am so grateful for my girlfriend Jackie who has committed to taking me to all my chemos since my parents went back to Alabama.  Since we didnt have to do that 2nd cocktail the day was 2 hours shorter than usual...yippie!!
Troble set in though when I got home.  Tim had brought me dinner....clam chowder.  With my hyper sensitivty to cold warm soups feel good to eat.  However I had horrible pain after that which lasted all night.  I hate to take my pain killers because they make me so sick...its like trading pain for vomitting.  I layed in bed in the fetal position and asked Tim to sit with me to help me control my breathing and stay calm.  Mentally I had to talk myself into feeling good.  I was scared as I did not expect this to happen....typically it is that 2nd cocktail that makes me sick so I was really caught off guard with the pain.
I do not know what are chemo side effects and what are Whipple surgery side effects.  A good question for my surgeon at the end of this month.
All I know is sometimes no matter how bad the obstacle is in front of you..you do have the mental power to get right thru it.  I know its hard..especially when you have physical obstacles but just think yourself to how you want to feel as though you already do.
My bad days might be getting more frequent and getting worse but my good days are getting better.  I am trying to live the good days as though I am not sick at all.....you know the old saying fake it till you make it.....its true!!
Back to hospital tomorrow to get my chemo pack off...YEA!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ