Finally asking for help...

I don't care how strong you THINK you are, cancer is going to get the best of you.  Not at all times, but it's going to have it's moments.  For example, I'm five months into this journey and finally broke down and asked a friend for a laundry list of much needed items to help me thru my discomfort i.e. manicure gloves, tea tree oil, and chocolate muscle milk light plus she helped me make my bed after I washed my sheets.  I didn't want to ask her to pick up those things because the last thing I want to do is burden someone or be an inconvenience.  However, I NEEDED these things and poof she was there with them.  Thank you Valerie! and I can't get over how comforting it was to just break down in tears in her arms.  Did the same with my Dad when he got home last night (to my home).  No matter how stubborn you may be, cancer will force you into a corner where you HAVE to ask for help.  I'm glad it happened, I get it now.  I think it made Val feel good to be able to help in what she thought was a small way, but it was huge to me.

So now you are probably wondering tea tree oil and manicure gloves????????  Yes, my nails smelled like dirty ass (sorry for being so blunt) but it is what it is so I needed to treat them and cover them up so I could function.  They made my bed stink, me stink, it was beyond gross.  I assume this is just a phase the nails are in while rotting off or something.  It was making me gag every time I smelled them though which was way too often.  I never realized how often my hands are in my face area until they started to rot.

It has really been an emotional week.  I made a post on facebook about trying to negotiate my way out of the last six weeks of chemo.  Basically, I hit my limit.  I'm tired of being sick and dragging Tim down with me.  It' hard to see the ones you love hurting for you.  WOW...........that little comment triggered a bunch of you to open a can of whip ass on me that day!!  I by no means was or am quitting!!!!!!!  I am going to beat this tumor and if it takes six more weeks of chemo, so be it!  I understand now that my Dr. is trying to save my life by preventing future tumors.  I'm all on board with that because I do not want to be on this journey ever again.

I was contacted by two blasts from the past this week.  My best friend from Alabama and an old friend from high school days.  Both very welcomed emails and I look forward to reeling them back into my life as much as possible.  Both these people made big ripples in my life and I would consider it a blessing to have them back in my life again.

I love my friends...........when I'm curled up in bed sick and wondering how long the discomfort is going to last and if I'll be able to make it to work the next day, it so nice to get a thoughtful text message from a friend letting me know they're thinking of me and pulling for me.  I am the luckiest gal in the world!  I'm sorry that I don't log on when I am that sick but Val is pretty good about keeping you all updated on my status on CancerDiva Facebook. 

I look like Mini Mouse with my white gloves on................LOL  or at least the beginnings of a Halloween costume. 

Hey I am curious about the movie 50/50 about the guy with cancer..............you go see if first and let me know if I'll be able relate or if it will just upset me.  LOL  It is based on a true story.

As I spend more time thinking about my own mortality I realize I have a lot to do to get my affairs in order should something take a turn and my life be cut short.  PLEASE DON'T PANIC I am not thinking this will happen, but one needs to be prepared under the circumstances.  LOL  There are so many people I love that I would like leave them something (a piece of me) or something that was important to me.  For the record, I want to be cremated and my ashes spread over the sound somewhere unless Ryan or Tanner wants them on their mantel.  No funeral..................just a big PARTAY!!!!!!!!!

I look forward to MY BIG FAT PURPLE BENEFIT at the end of January/early February.  Glad it has been moved so I can attend and feel healthy and cancer free and really have something to celebrate!!  Hopefully we'll have more people attending by having the event further north too.  Would love to fill a room with 150 peeps!!!!!!!!!!

LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ