The straw that broke the camel's back

I am not really sure where to start.  Three weeks ago I started phase 2 an since day 1 my health has got progressively worse.  After two weeks I decided I needed to take a break.  Spending my 50th birthday over a toilet was a big hit for me.  I was so grateful that Tim organized a celebration dinner before treatment got started.  Even though the doctors told me this was going to be very difficult and that I was going to get very sick....I thought I would be different that I could mentally control the physical outcome.  You know that OH it won't happen to me feeling.  Sometimes my optimism is so far out of realty...but that's just how I roll.
After two weeks of being confined to the bed and bathroom I decided to take a week off to try and bounce back with enough strength to get me thru another 3 and half weeks of treatment.  Day after day was the same and I was not bouncing back.  Tanner's big graduation came and went and I was so deeply hurt that I could not be there.  I was so emotional and realized I am missing big LIFE things and that is not OK.
I worry about some of these chemo side affects being permanent....like the piercing jaw pain that I periodically get.  I am sick of being so sick and not haing a life worth living.  Who cares how long you live if that time is confined to a bathroom?  I had a eureka moment and knew the time has come for me to take charge of my body.  It is mine and the only body I will get.  I met with a different oncologist on Monday and he just helped me confirm my decision.....no more chemo or interferon.  I have decided to continue the radiation but want to look into more holistic measures to improve the quality of my life.  I have always lived in the moment for as far back as I can remember...but not for the moment.  I always have goals and dreams.
I want to break the five year survival benchmark but not at the price of my spirit.  I love life..my family and my friends and want to make as many memories and inspire as many people as possible.  I can not and will not do it from bed.  I want to concentrate on a healthy diet that includes juicing and get back in the gym after radiation therapy.  I probably can not walk ten minutes but I need to start somewhere and build my strength up so I can be well enough to travel this summer.
Nobody knows my expiration date...not even the doctors.  It might be six months or six years...........but I need to make the time healthy and happy.
I have lived such an extraordinary life and do not want to stop now just because I have cancer.  Cancer is a bully and I refuse to give in anymore than I already have.  I am in control and the one with the power.
If any of you know of any good cancer fighting books using nutrician and natural supplements...email them to me....this is my path now.
I love all of you for supporting my decision to cease treatment and just savor what time we can spend together.  You all make my world go round.....the love is so incredible...you just bless my life beyond measure.
I promise to share with you what I learn on this new path in hopes that it might help you prevent cancer in your body.
LIVE WITH PASSION
DJ