Humility

Although my entire journey with cancer has been very humbling yesterday at chemo took it to a new level.  Humility.
I didnt feel real good going into chemo to start with but expected a smooth and uneventful treatment.
The part I hate the most is popping six pills before they hook me up as I take five pills before I even leave the house in the morning.  I do not like taking any kind of pills.....never have.
Well chemo seem to be going fine until about half way through the process I stood up to go to the bathroom when I lost complete control of my bowels........the gas just fourced dierhea right out of me.......yes I shit my pants right there in front of my best friend.  I got to the bathroom and continued with diarhea and then when it stopped I stripped from the waste down and wash myself and pants in the sink.  I walked out half naked and so embarrased.  I ask the nurse for some hospital jamies and she brought me a pair of scrubs so at least I could finish my treatment with some dignity.  Chemo definately beat me yesterday but the good news is I am beating cancer!  My marker is down to 44.  I still have all October with chemo with plans to spend November in daily radiation with FU5 chemo pushes. 
I am anxious to get all this behind me once again so I can live a beautiful life and start knocking out those things on my bucket list!!
Remember humility is just a reminder to be humble. 
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ

Living on the edge

WOW..it has been a rough week.  I have been so tired and had more stomach discomfort than I could possibly put into words.  Dr P said one of his patients described after whipple surgery there is a new normal........it was at that moment I realized I will probably never feel normal again...........now I have to get aclimated to a new normal.
There are days where I feel on the edge.......by that I mean cancer can push me over or even chemo.  I can FEEL the edge within me.  As long as I look at the solid ground to stand on which for me is my family and the most amazing friends you could ever meet I know I wont fall off the edge.  Its a different life when you are made so aware of your expiration date.
I know that even if I live to be a hundred it wont be long enough to help and inspire the number of people I want to.  I am half way thru my book which I pray will help millions........I dont ask for much do I? Lol
I am here to tell you your life is short........there will never be a good time to die but every day you have a chance to live a great life and do great things so DO IT. 
Ruth yes you can share and use any part of my blog........it is here for everyone to share.  I hope your husband is on his way to a speedy recovery!!!  And thank you for your love and support.
I hope none of you grow as tired as I am on this journey.....it was hard enough the first time but this second time is on another magnitude.  I know in my heart God has put me on this path to help others.  Although God did not give me cancer I know he knows Im tough enough to do this twice or I would not be here right now.
My parents had to go back to Alabama so we now have the burden of scheduling...........getting someone to get me to and from chemo..............and yet to come daily radiation.  This is hard and I do wonder how other patients do it.  I of course hope I can drive myself but getting a daily push of chemo may not give me that option..........I am really learning so many ways I can help other patients once I am in remission.  This is a crazy cancer life I am living.
Much love to all of you..............YOU keep me going as I dont want to let any of you down.  You have so much faith in me and it gives me strength.
LIVE WITH PASSION!