All done with chemo as of Nov. 3rd!!! YIPPIE YAHOO! The week that followed almost killed me though. I spent the week in bed throwing up unable to keep even the littlest sip of water down. My Dad moved in with me that week and was by my bedside and there for my every need. Once we got to the hospital for follow up xrays and ct scan, my blood pressure was 54/22. NOT GOOD. The staff immediately put things in motion to get my IV hooked up to some new meds for nausea and some nutrients.
It has been a long six months. I almost can't believe it's over and now all I have to do is rest up for surgery scheduled for Dec. 5th. I have a new surgeon but I love him (Dr. Rocha) as much as I do Dr. Ryan who must be going into retirement. Rocha is younger but lots of experience and so incredibly patient with me. I am very optimistic that as complicated and long (6-8 hours) as this surgery will be, that the outcome will be very positive. Apparently, not only did my tumor disappear off the ct scan, so did my pancreas. LOL This of course is going to increase my odds of coming out of surgery with diabetes... a common side affect from surgery. Not looking forward to that but I'd rather be alive with diabetes than dead from cancer..................right?
Good news is I'm going to lose lots of weight..........or so the Dr says. LOL There is lots of good news actually, the big news being that my tumor looks to be cancer free now and ready to remove. Also, I'm so blessed by the outpouring of kindness thru cards, emails, and text messages from family, friends and friends of friends. Sometimes I cry because I'm touched so deeply by so many people.
I'm excited for the fundraiser DIVA BIZARRE tomorrow. I don't have the energy to attend but the girls (Sharon and Val) are so excited for the big event. Please know I'm so grateful for all the financial support it has enabled me to focus on my health and not panic about going into bankruptcy with all the medical bills. FYI my chemo alone costs about $7000 a week. Insurance covers most of it, but I am still responsible for a lot myself. Without your support I wouldn't be able to heal due to the financial stress but Val and Sharon are doing amazing at raising funds to pay my medical expenses. Two angels! along with their spouses, Jim and Scott!!
Dr. wants me to eat as many calories as possible between now and surgery. As wonderful as that news is, it's incredibly hard. I have no appetite and still have metal mouth so can't eat much without spitting it out. Hoping to enjoy a tasty Thanksgiving though!!!
Speaking of Thanksgiving. My family will all be together for the first time for this holiday.....also my FAVORITE holiday! I'm so grateful to be alive it's crazy. Each day I get to see my parents and am so thankful to have them here for this journey. In fact, not sure I could have made it thru the six months without them.
I know I still have a big hurdle to get over with surgery.............but I'm so optimistic that it will unveil a cancer free body and that recovery with go smoothly. I know it will be painful with some negative side affects but I'm going to get thru it and be back to my life in the new year. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am for 2012 and all that it will bring.
I'm a better person now having traveled this path. I'm closer to my family and my friends. I realize how lucky we are to have our health when we have it. Something I will never take for granted again! In fact, I can't wait to get back into the gym with Tim on a regular basis. Just being able to walk for more than 30 feet will be exciting to me!
I know everyone reading this is fighting some kind of battle. Please know my heart reaches out to you and I'm so grateful for all your love and prayers. You just have no idea how much and how deeply you've touched me. I'm the luckiest person I know!
I wish you the happiest of Thanksgivings! and hope you will take the time you need to really FEEL grateful, that's what this time of year is all about!
Much love to you all!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
Friday, November 18, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Breaking Dawn...
My deepest apology for going so long without writing and sharing my journey. My laptop was at work and chemo finally got me to a point that I could not get around and make it to work. Dad took me into the office last week for a visit so I could pick some things up.....like my laptop so here I am.
I think the headline for this post really fits. LOL Chemo certainly got me to my breaking point but I have also made some big positive changes in the past few weeks. Let me start my saying how devastated I was not being able to go to work. This was a couple months shy of my game plan so not only an emotional hit but a financial one too. After two weeks of laying in bed though I finally accepted the circumstances and am trying to make the most of them. Any of you that know me, know I am not the lay around in bed type so this is just shy of torture for me. The only thing missing from this picture is bon bons. LOL
I have been so ashamed of how I look and feel that I have been pushing my friends away. I am such an entertainer and love to host. However, feeling so bad made me crawl into a cave and I figured I would just come out when I feel better, right???? WRONG!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea how much I was hurting my dearest friends by not allowing them to help or come and see me. I finally put myself in their shoes and realized how upset I would be if the roles were reversed and it was me being shut out in such a time of need for one of my friends. Then came the tears and the guilt but it's been good as now I have an open door policy and friends are welcome anytime. I've accepted there is no need to entertain, get dressed or play hostess, now is not the time for that. But letting friends be friends is important!
Before I forget, I need to say THANK YOU to whoever sent the powdered chocolate muscle milk to the house. I have been drinking it everyone morning, even on days I eat nothing. It's been a big help in my nutrition!!! There was no card so I have no idea where it came from, but thank you.
I can't get around anymore however, my friends have come to the rescue. I now have a shower chair so can shower again (was having to bathe because I could not stand up). Also have a wheelchair now too so can get out and about and hopefully do some more things with Tim and my peeps. I think getting around in a wheelchair will be a huge learning curve and build a whole new appreciation for my legs and strength when I get them back. Life in a wheelchair can't be fun but I'm going to see how fun I can make it.
It's November. My favorite month. It's the month of gratitude! As awful as things seem right now and scary, there is a million things to be grateful for and at the top is my family and friends. No matter what your circumstances are, there is an incredible life out there to be lived with an endless amount of love. Everyday I am touched my the love of my family and friends. I am truly blessed and feel we all are. You just need to open you heart and the rest will follow.
I know I hurt a lot of friends by saying no thank you and pushing them away and for that I'm terribly sorry. I learned such a big lesson in all this. Sometimes you just have to receive. I find it much easier to give but I get it now. Thank you for understanding.
All of us are at least a little scared.............none of know the outcome of surgery or the after treatment. However, we're all being positive and expecting the best. I can not thank you enough for all your support and prayers. The prayers are working because this chemo may be almost killing me, but it's definitely killing the cancer!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
I think the headline for this post really fits. LOL Chemo certainly got me to my breaking point but I have also made some big positive changes in the past few weeks. Let me start my saying how devastated I was not being able to go to work. This was a couple months shy of my game plan so not only an emotional hit but a financial one too. After two weeks of laying in bed though I finally accepted the circumstances and am trying to make the most of them. Any of you that know me, know I am not the lay around in bed type so this is just shy of torture for me. The only thing missing from this picture is bon bons. LOL
I have been so ashamed of how I look and feel that I have been pushing my friends away. I am such an entertainer and love to host. However, feeling so bad made me crawl into a cave and I figured I would just come out when I feel better, right???? WRONG!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea how much I was hurting my dearest friends by not allowing them to help or come and see me. I finally put myself in their shoes and realized how upset I would be if the roles were reversed and it was me being shut out in such a time of need for one of my friends. Then came the tears and the guilt but it's been good as now I have an open door policy and friends are welcome anytime. I've accepted there is no need to entertain, get dressed or play hostess, now is not the time for that. But letting friends be friends is important!
Before I forget, I need to say THANK YOU to whoever sent the powdered chocolate muscle milk to the house. I have been drinking it everyone morning, even on days I eat nothing. It's been a big help in my nutrition!!! There was no card so I have no idea where it came from, but thank you.
I can't get around anymore however, my friends have come to the rescue. I now have a shower chair so can shower again (was having to bathe because I could not stand up). Also have a wheelchair now too so can get out and about and hopefully do some more things with Tim and my peeps. I think getting around in a wheelchair will be a huge learning curve and build a whole new appreciation for my legs and strength when I get them back. Life in a wheelchair can't be fun but I'm going to see how fun I can make it.
It's November. My favorite month. It's the month of gratitude! As awful as things seem right now and scary, there is a million things to be grateful for and at the top is my family and friends. No matter what your circumstances are, there is an incredible life out there to be lived with an endless amount of love. Everyday I am touched my the love of my family and friends. I am truly blessed and feel we all are. You just need to open you heart and the rest will follow.
I know I hurt a lot of friends by saying no thank you and pushing them away and for that I'm terribly sorry. I learned such a big lesson in all this. Sometimes you just have to receive. I find it much easier to give but I get it now. Thank you for understanding.
All of us are at least a little scared.............none of know the outcome of surgery or the after treatment. However, we're all being positive and expecting the best. I can not thank you enough for all your support and prayers. The prayers are working because this chemo may be almost killing me, but it's definitely killing the cancer!
LIVE WITH PASSION!
DJ
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